


Honeymoon

by LueurdeLaube



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Awkwardness, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Kylo Ren is a Virgin Space Monk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-09 14:57:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 53,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7806310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LueurdeLaube/pseuds/LueurdeLaube
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They've fought again and again since Starkiller, always at a stalemate, and Rey's had enough. This tension between them needs to be dealt with, even if it means getting into bed with her nemesis. One night together is supposed to fix it, and they can go back to being enemies.</p><p>In which Rey and Kylo Ren are virgins no longer and completely underestimate the deep mess of emotions they get themselves into.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> After observing and reading so many great stories I have finally decided to try my own hand at writing for this pairing. These two idiots have gotten a hold of me and just won't let me go. I'm super nervous but I have been working on it for months so I hope you will like it. Feedback and comments are always appreciated~~~

Maybe it was pure happenstance, or maybe the Force was simply a prick, but Rey found herself crossing her saber with Kylo Ren on Takodana after spending almost an entire year of fighting each other on various planets throughout the galaxy. The reason Rey was on Takodana in the first place was to hopefully gather some rumours and intel about the First Order after a suspicious lull in activity that the General felt did not bode well for the Resistance. And of course, Kylo Ren and his cohorts would appear just then, but Rey had had the presence of mind to alert Poe of Ren’s impending presence the moment she felt the Force tugging at her heart, giving Poe enough time to evacuate Maz’s castle.

 

The sky was a cloudy grey, the air humid and sticky, making her sweat more than the exertions of the duel did.

 

Her arm ached as she parried that wretched lightsaber of his with gritted teeth. Blue and red lights flashed in his dark eyes. If only he had worn his stupid helmet. It was easier to fight him if she didn’t have to look at his face, bisected by her very own hand. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of her face. Her eyes narrowed as she pushed back, enhancing the shove with the Force. She heard him huff at her half-hearted effort, and ducked out of his way, jumping over a thick root of a tree when he swung his saber in a sloppy arc. The red sputtering plasma only grazed the rough bark, and Rey struggled _not_  to roll her eyes at him.

 

She scoffed. When was the last time she and Ren fought each other with the serious attempt to harm? They had clashed often enough after she had left him bleeding on the snow of an exploding Starkiller Base, and while they had been ferocious in their battles, the intent to kill had… simply lacked. Something she had only realized during their fifth rematch after Starkiller, but Rey hadn’t known what to do with that piece of information and had simply tucked it away into the deepest recesses of her mind.

 

She let out a gasp when a Force shove hit her square in the chest and had her careening backwards. Her heart jumped into her throat as she stumbled, terror pulsing in her veins before it abated as quickly as it had come. Rey thrust out her saber, but there was no attack to block, even in the vulnerable half crouch she found herself in. Her gaze shot up, hazel eyes flashing, only to see him standing there, wide-eyed, not close enough to strike a blow even with his saber raised at the ready.

 

With a frustrated huff she was back on her feet, frowning.

 

The Bond, something Master Luke had explained to her, that had been forged between her and Kylo Ren, thrummed with a nervous undercurrent. It wasn’t for the first time Rey wished that whatever connection there was between them allowed her to see more clearly into his head, even if Ren’s constant nagging presence in the back of her mind was nothing more than a nuisance. It didn’t give her much. Just glimpses of constellations of stars Rey had never seen before, or a flicker of agony searing through muscle and bone, or a presence so dark and overwhelming that it tore Rey out of a fitful sleep, or a crushing wave of loneliness that was so familiar, a sensation so distressing she had been made to believe for a moment that she was back on Jakku. She could never tell whether they were visions or dreams or actual things he experienced. Sometimes, however, there would be a gentle caress of the Force against her, the barest of whispers, Ren calling out to her.

 

He would never mention any of those instances whenever they met face to face.

 

Was he even aware of what he was doing?

 

Rey shook her head. It didn’t matter.

 

She blew a few unruly strands of her hair out of her face before she was charging at him again. She feinted a blow to his right only to attempt a strike at his left. He was prepared, of course, and blocked her attack with a lazy tilt of his wrist.

 

What were they doing? Playing around like children.

 

With a surge of ire that would have Master Luke pursing his lips disapprovingly, Rey rammed her shoulder against Ren’s ribs with a roar. She would have laughed at the yelp he made, but then he was swinging his saber in front of him and she had half a mind to block and press against him. But the momentum of her attack had him tripping backwards, foot caught in a root, taking her with him.

 

They were an embarrassing tangle of sweaty limbs. She had him pushed against a tree, her free palm pressed flat against his heaving chest. Rey craned her neck to look up at him, her fingers curling into the fabric of his robes.

 

He really was stupidly tall.

 

Their stares caught and she was distinctly aware of the heat that emanated from his body, of the solid muscle beneath her hand. With barely any space between their heaving chests , she could count the beauty marks on his pale face. Their sabers gave a low hum at their sides, unmoving and useless. She narrowed her eyes. She could end it now. With just a flick of her wrist. But so could he, yet neither of them moved. His skin was slick with perspiration and Rey wondered how he could withstand the heat in clothes like this. Maybe he should take them off. A different kind of heat pooled in the pit of her stomach, spreading a low throbbing sensation right between her legs.

 

The Force buzzed around them as everything else phased out of existence. There was nothing else but them breathing together, their heartbeats in sync. Her fingers curled against the lapel of his robe and she pressed herself fully against him, gasping at the fever that bound them together.

 

Ren’s eyes widened, and Rey felt a shiver run down her spine in the brief second where he broke their eye contact to gaze at her lips. Her breath hitched, and her senses rushed back to her. She pulled away with an inelegant jerk of her limbs. There was a small reprieve, a moment of shared confusion and disbelief before he clenched his jaw and ran towards her with his saber raised.

 

Rey barely had a mind to fight back. A startling realization seeped into her bones. She staggered backwards with the next swipe of the red beam.

 

_She wanted him._

 

Wide-eyed, she dodged the next swing of his lightsaber, and this clumsy back and forth went on until he snatched her wrist, not unlike he had on Starkiller among the snow-covered fields. But this time his hand went directly for her lightsaber. Panic pounded in her heart as she raised her knee to kick him, but he was faster and jabbed her backwards with his upper body and the Force. A cry ripped from her throat when she collided with the ground, her fingers curling around dirt as she immediately raised herself to her knees and elbows. Her head spun and for a moment everything was a delirious jumble of green and brown and black before her vision cleared.

 

Where was her lightsaber?

 

Rey’s head snapped up. Oh no. Her anxiety amplified into a frenzied dread at Ren’s hulking form, towering above her.

 

“Scavenger.” It was her lightsaber he held up against her vulnerable throat when he spoke. “Is this what Skywalker has been teaching you all this time? Perhaps you should reconsider my offer. You are strong with the Force yet you are ungainly and barely seem to make an attempt to hurt me.”

 

“Oh?” She raised her eyebrows, willing the alarm that the truth in his words ignited not to show. “Funny. Seeing as how you are standing there and talking. What are you waiting for, Ren,” she said breathily, staring up at him from beneath her lashes. “It almost seems like you don’t actually want to kill me.”

 

There. His grip on the saber loosened. And Rey lunged.

 

She hooked her leg around his ankle and _pulled_ , and the mighty Kylo Ren went down, crashing and tumbling, with a yelp. Their lightsabers rolled away on the uneven ground, making her curse. She gathered the Force in her palm, felt it pulse and throb, and smashed her hands against his chest before he could get back onto his feet and grab his weapon. Ren let out a grunt.The tips of her fingers tingled when she pressed down against him, caging him in with her thighs. Her cheeks were ablaze as Ren made a strangled noise from the back of his throat. Her heart leapt into her throat, her skin hot and flushed, her thighs warm and snug against his sides. Unconsciously she lowered her head a fraction before she froze.

 

This wasn’t what she had in mind at all. This was… this was not…

 

What was she doing? Did she want to fight him or seduce him? She sucked in a trembling breath.

 

Ren’s chest was heaving and pressing against her hands with each inhale. Something dark and dangerous stirred in his eyes, something that, instead of making her fear him, made her shiver with the thrill that danced along her spine. Maybe he wanted her, too. Maybe that was why their fights never amounted to anything. Always an impasse. A standstill. How could they slay each other when their bodies called out for each other, when she throbbed and ached to be touched? Maybe, just maybe it was the same for him.

 

The Force flickered lightly and she realized the hold she had on him was gone. He still didn’t move. Just watched, tense and expectant. Hadn’t he noticed that he was free? This wasn’t what she was supposed to do. She had to--

 

Oh, but his lips looked so inviting. So full and pretty and luscious.

 

Maybe she should do it. She hadn’t survived on Jakku so long all on her own without taking what she needed.

 

Rey exhaled sharply, her gaze heavy-lidded as she ran her hands up his chest, feeling his breath hitch. His heart hammered beneath her palms. His lips parted like an invitation.

 

This wasn’t Jakku.

 

This was a bad idea. Possibly the worst she had ever had.

 

This might not be Jakku, but if she was unable to fulfil her duties for the Resistance, unable to fight her enemy because of… because of what was between them, Rey might have to do this.

 

She lowered her head until their faces were close enough that their breaths mingled. Her eyes fluttered shut, her worries and doubts dissolving into thin air, overcome by the sheer intensity of her emotions. She wanted this. So much.

 

But just before their mouths could collide, she was pushed away, forcefully enough to make her fall flat on her ass. Ren was a blur of flaring black robes as he jumped to his feet, fists clenched at his sides. A snarl marring and cutting through the curious calm expression he had worn seconds before.

 

“What are you doing?!” He took a few steps away from her.

 

The hazy whirring of the Force quieted down, and Rey felt her blood freeze in her veins. Her legs felt like they weren’t even a part of her own body as she came to stand, as if she was watching this absurd scenario through someone else’s eyes.

 

She was supposed to fight this man. He was her enemy! But she was so tired of their pointless duels that went nowhere. They were silly dances and she had memorized all his steps a long time ago. Knew when to duck, to step aside, and parry, knew his movements as intimately as she knew her own, and they would be stuck in this dance forever unless they died by someone else’s hand.

 

The thought made her stomach churn.

 

Or they needed to get rid of this tension between them once and for all.

 

Rey squared her shoulders and raised her chin.

 

“This isn’t working,” she said.

 

He blinked, irritation draining out of his features to leave behind an endearing expression of complete befuddlement.

 

He wasn’t supposed to be endearing. Or appealing. Or anything else than a monster. But he was. He was a man that was living and breathing and enticing her beyond reason.

 

“This,” she tried again, pointing between them. “We need to do something.”

 

“Has the heat gotten to your head?” he asked, annoyed, eyes narrowed. “Because I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He summoned his lightsaber, the red beam buzzing loudly, and pointed it towards her. “Fight me,” he hissed.

 

Instead of following his example, Rey felt a wave of irritation wash over her,  and let it gather in the force of her glare.

 

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” she bit out. “We don’t really fight each other. We just flail around with our lightsabers and--”

 

“I do not just flail around with my lightsaber!” he said, aghast. “Don’t project your insecurities on me just because you fail to take your duties seriously!”

 

“I’m project--” she shook her head, “--never mind. Look,” she sighed, cautiously eyeing his weapon before she summoned her own, but killed the blue beam. “I’m sure you have noticed, too. Whenever we fight there’s--” she waved her hands around, feeling more and more foolish by the second, “--there’s this _tension_ . And we never… _ugh_ , this is the worst!”

 

“Tension,” he repeated, “is that why you tried to… whatever it was you were trying to do?”

 

“I thought…” she trailed off as a frisson of horror settled deep within her stomach. Oh. She had tried to kiss Kylo Ren. And… he had rejected her advances, hadn’t he? She might have next to no experience in these matters but being bodily flung away couldn’t spell his rejection any clearer, could it? Force, had she been wrong about this? Was she the only one who felt this weird current between them that spelled something else than animosity?

 

Oh.

 

Being speared by his lightsaber right now didn’t sound like such a bad fate after all.

 

“I feel it too.”

 

“Huh?” Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest and she wasn’t sure if she had actually heard him, or if her imagination was already playing games with her to ward off the crush of humiliation.

 

“The… tension as you put it. I feel it too,” he said, louder this time. His gloved fingers tightened around the hilt of his saber before he thumbed it off.

 

“Oh, that’s… that’s good.” She promptly cringed. But she’d be damned if she backtracked now. She had already made a fool of herself, she might as well finish speaking her thoughts. “We need to do something about it,” she said resolutely, as if she was simply talking about a machine that needed new parts to be fixed. “It distracts us. We can’t fight each other like this.”

 

Ren tilted his head to the side. “What do you suggest we do?”

 

“We need to, um…” She would probably be able to melt all of Hoth with the intensity of her blush. “We need to get rid of it, obviously.” Did he really not know what she was getting at? How could he not when she had tried to kiss him?

 

“Obviously,” he scoffed.

 

Rey’s eyes widened. He really did not know.

 

“I know that this is… feel free to chip in with a better idea, but I think the reason this, uh, tension exists between us in the first place is because of--” she screwed her eyes shut, letting out a deep, drawn out breath.

 

“The Force?” He raised an eyebrow.

 

“No, I don’t think this is the Force’s doing,” she said, because that would be easy. She could have simply blamed it on the Force, but Rey vaguely understood the sensation of arousal, of craving a warm touch that wasn’t her own, the curiosity for a man’s touch. “We… I…” -- _but did he know?_ \-- “I think one way to get rid of it is to… give in to it.” Rey winced. Master Luke would be so disappointed.

 

She walked towards him with slow, deliberate steps, fallen branches crunching beneath her boots. He watched her warily, but did not reignite his saber or make any other attempt to attack. “Do you understand, Ren?” she breathed. A heady storm was brewing within her chest, and she knew this was just the calm before. She licked her lips and reached out with her hand, and much to her surprised delight he took it into his much larger hand.

 

“You,” he began, still uncertain and hesitant, and Rey was ready to shout everything out for the whole of Takodana to hear, but then his grip on her hand tightened only to slacken instantly when he pulled away. “Rey,” he said, and she would have dwelled longer on hearing him say her name for the first time if he didn’t look so _scandalized_ , “are you propositioning me?!”

 

“Proposition?” she snorted, clamping her hands on her mouth before she dissolved entirely into a fit of high-pitched giggles. “Isn’t the dark side all about embracing your passions?”

 

“I am not a Sith!” he said, flustered. “Are you suggesting that the best way to get rid of this tension is to… lie with each other?”

 

She giggled despite herself, delirious and lightheaded.

 

“Why do you act so shocked suddenly? I did climb on top of you and nearly kissed you. Or didn’t you realize what I was trying to do?”

 

“I… that doesn’t matter. I am not supposed to--” he grimaced, shifting in place.

 

“It would be a truce of sorts. Temporary, of course. But if you don’t want to,” Rey said carefully, “we can come up with something else.”

 

He eyed her as if she had grown another set of arms out of her back. The silence between them stretched on as the wildlife around them only gained in volume, the chirping and hissing that echoed from within the darker parts of the forest setting Rey even more on edge. She gritted her teeth, unwilling to let Ren see her fidget. Not while he stood still, frozen and solid like a statue chiselled from the shadows. Oh, but his eyes were burning; the conflict within him swirling and writhing, almost palpable even without the tenuous Bond amplifying everything between them.

 

The small hairs on the back of her neck prickled as his gaze roamed down her body, the motion almost vacant as if his thoughts were already somewhere else. Rey’s breath caught in her throat as he bit his lip. She should feel uneasy in the snare of his eyes, but Rey revelled in it, in the flicker of appreciation that burned her from the inside out.

 

“I see the merits of your idea,” he eventually said, the deep timbre of his voice making her shiver.

 

Her limbs unfroze at that and Rey found herself led by a heady confidence as she came to stand right in front of him. Ren blinked down at her, cocking his head to the side, yet made no attempt to touch her. She tapped against the leather-clad back of his hand and even that brief contact made her skin flare with heat.

 

“Is that a yes?” She watched him from beneath her eyelashes. Ren shifted, the edge of his robe grazing her fingers. He was breathing loudly and there was a profound sensation of relief within her. It wasn’t just her who was betrayed by her own body like this, by the throbbing wanton fire between her legs that made her feel dizzy and weak in the knees. She was helpless in her desire. Nobody else had ever made her so itchy with the basest of needs, and it was an itch she desperately needed to be scratched.

 

“Yes,” he said thickly, swallowing hard.

 

Rey exhaled harshly and stepped into his personal space, wrapping her arms around his neck. There was a flash of surprise from his side of the Bond, so much more tangible with their proximity, before she smashed their lips together. Their teeth clacked when he opened his mouth in shock, his shoulders stiffening beneath her grip. Her heart stuttered in her chest-- why wasn’t he doing anything?! Wasn’t he supposed to hold her and kiss her back? Wasn’t this how they were supposed to initiate the sex? Was she doing it wrong?! She pulled away with a gasp, her hands still remaining on his shoulders.

 

“Ren, what are you--”

 

“That was terrible.”

 

Her mind came to a screeching halt.

 

“Excuse me?!” She retracted her hands, insulted. “I... I’m sorry that I’m such a terrible kisser, but at least I’m trying? You’re just--” Rey shook her head. “And you’re just standing there like an idiot. You are in no position to judge my kissing skills!”

 

“You were being decidedly inelegant.” Ren closed the space between them, his strong arms encircling her small waist, his hand pressing against the curve of her back. He pulled her to his chest. They were so close that she could see the lighter shades of brown in his eyes and the thin ring of green around his pupils. Tilting her head back, he pressed their lips together, more gently than she had done, and it could be considered pleasant if their noses didn’t bump together.

 

Ren looked more out of breath in the aftermath of their second kiss than he had during the entirety of their silly excuse of a duel.

 

“That was terrible,” Rey said snidely, just to be a brat, and tried to ignore the tingling in her lips.

 

“Shut up.” His severe scowl was diluted by the mottled blush on his cheeks. She didn’t think Ren had ever looked any less intimidating than he did now. The displeasure radiated out of him in waves and he pursed his lips into something that looked suspiciously like a pout. Here went nothing. “My attempt was better than yours.”

 

Rey let out a loud snort. “Of course.”

 

Her scorn earned her another glare. Rey squared her shoulders and reached for the collar of her tunic with clammy fingers. She forced her self-consciousness into the corner of her mind where her common sense had also been residing since she had decided to open her big fat mouth and talk to Ren about having sex. The first clasp came undone.

 

“Rey, what are you doing?” He eyed the jerky movements of her hand warily.

 

She let out a growl. “What does it look like I’m doing?! I’m trying to get undressed so we can finally have sex.”

 

“What?” He recoiled from her and if she wasn’t so mortified by his unfavourable reaction she might have laughed. “You-- you mean to do this here?”

 

“Why do you think I kissed you?”

 

He shook his head, an expression of utter befuddlement spreading over his face. “You want us to _fornicate_ here? In the forest?”

 

“I’m sorry that the accommodations are not up to your standards, _Lord_ Ren.” She clenched her jaw, annoyed by how easily her lust had simmered down to a weak flicker. “If I  had known this was going to happen I would have booked us a room at Maz’s. Totally not suspicious if we just waltzed in there and--”

 

“No. That is not what I was--” he huffed out, running his hand through his hair. Something in his gaze hardened then, and just like that he was standing taller, and he could almost pass for intimidating again. “If we are going to do this, we are going to do it properly. On a bed.”

 

The brown of his eyes looked like molten amber, and how could she have ever believed that the surging force of her desire could ever be extinguished? Rey hadn’t even noticed they had been moving until her back hit the bark of a tree. Her blood boiled in her veins, and she should be more apprehensive about having him tower over her, of having his strong arms cage her in like this. He was such a big man. He raised a gloved hand towards her face and trailed a finger gently down her cheek, his thumb brushing against the corner of her mouth. At this rate it was her palpitating heart that was going to send her to an early grave.

 

She parted her lips and nibbled on the pad of his leather-clad thumb, eliciting a quivering breath from him that shook his entire frame.

 

“You are exquisite,” he hissed, agonized, and Rey thought such a compliment deserved a reward of its own. She pulled him down by the front of his robes, his breath tickling her feverish skin as she brought their lips together. Rey’s eyes slid shut in bliss, their mouths tasting and moving slowly. She could feel him through his robes, pressing hard against her stomach, and there was no small measure of pride that she affected him like this. He jumped at the merest brush against her. She smiled against him, her other hand sneaking between his legs. “No.” His voice had dropped to a growl as his hand curled over her own. “I refuse to bed you here, Rey.”

 

“Then where?” She was going to combust and he wasn’t even touching her where she wanted him to!

 

Ren pulled away, leaving her bereft of of his warmth. Her disappointment didn’t last long when she saw his flushed face and his eyes, almost black with his dilated pupils. He looked at her like a starving man, barely managing to hold himself together at the mere sight of her.

 

“We will meet at an agreed upon location,” he said.

 

“I will choose the location,” she said as some clarity returned to her brain. She brushed her hair out of her face and narrowed her eyes.

 

He clenched his fists, looking ready to argue. Rey squared her shoulders and moved away from the bark of the tree, raising her chin. She would not let him win in this matter, wouldn’t allow him to control their surroundings. He was still her enemy. That wouldn’t change and she trusted him as far as she could throw him.

 

“Fine.” The fight bled out of him with a heavy sigh. “You may choose, but don’t think I won’t know if your precious Resistance friends will be there if this is your attempt at setting a trap for me.”

 

“It’s not a trap!” she snapped, feeling the ire unfurl in her heart. Oh how she resented him for bringing out the things in her she was supposed to master and control. “This is solely so we can get it out of our systems and act like we are supposed to. It’s a truce and it will remain a truce until we have taken care of business.”

 

His eye twitched. “Business?”

 

She crossed her arms. “Yes, business.”

 

“Then where shall we carry out our transaction?”

 

A number of Outer Rim planets came to her mind. They were sparsely populated and the risk of someone spotting them was low. However, if someone were to spot them… cantinas and inns were dens of rumours and stories that travelled faster on those lawless planets than they did elsewhere. She knew from experience that the right price would always be enough to persuade even the most trustworthy of people to have a looser mouth. Rey worked her jaw. If she and Ren were just two people in a more populated area nobody would bat an eye at a… young couple. Nothing peculiar or suspicious about a young man and woman being together.

 

She clenched her fists, trepidation and excitement and anticipation seeping into her bones. Her voice, though, was calm and measured when she spoke.

 

“Coruscant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that for a start? Tell me your thoughts!
> 
> You can also find me on [tumblr](http://lueurdelaube.tumblr.com/)


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say how overwhelmed I am by the great response I got from you guys?? Your comments and kudos keep me going. You're awesome and I love you.

Finn was already waiting for them in the hangar when they landed. Rey’s heart soared, all thoughts about Ren momentarily wiped from her mind, as she dashed down the ramp and jumped into Finn’s arms with a laugh. He chuckled against her neck and he twirled them around, much more sure-footed now that he was used to the cybernetics in his spine.

 

Cybernetics that Finn needed because Ren had sliced his back open.

 

Rey’s stomach dropped just as he released her and turned his attention to Poe, his brow quirking in concern at the awkward angle Poe held his injured arm. She watched her two closest friends carefully embrace.

 

“I thought this was only supposed to be some intel gathering?” Finn said, his dark eyes scanning Poe up and down for additional damage.

 

“Well, the First Order decided to crash our merry get-together.” Poe grinned and slapped Finn on the shoulder with his good hand. Finn pressed his lips together grimly. “But we made it out just fine! In fact, I’m probably the worst off. Right, Rey?”

 

“Huh? Oh! Yeah, we’re all fine.” She felt the guilt crashing into her bones again. True, everyone was safe and sound, but Poe still got hurt. A lucky shot, he had said, and slapped on a bacta patch that took care of the burn. Her insides still twisted. She had been busy trying to seduce Kylo Ren while Poe had been valiantly fighting off their enemies as they were supposed to.

 

“Are you alright, Rey?” Finn asked as they made their way out of the hangar. Poe trailed behind them, constantly distracted by someone here and there asking about his injury. Finn pressed his hand against her arm, squeezing lightly. Rey’s lips curled into a small smile as her heart warmed at her friend’s comforting gesture. “I heard Kylo Ren was there.”

 

She stiffened. “Yes, he was.”

 

“Do you know what he wanted?” Finn’s voice dropped down to a low growl, worried and angry.

 

“No.” She shook her head. Except, she knew that he wanted her the same way she wanted him. _Exquisite_ , he had called her. Nobody had ever called her anything of the sort. Her lips still tingled with the aftershocks of the kisses they shared, her skin prickling with warmth at the memory of his touch. Heat crawled across her cheeks and she prayed to the Force that it wouldn’t make her blush in front of her friend. “I have no idea what he wanted, but I held him off.”

 

“I wouldn’t have expected anything else.” Finn slapped her on the back, grinning brightly, and despite the turmoil within her, Rey’s spirits lifted. “Come on, the General is probably expecting you. Go debrief, then we can grab something to eat.”

* * *

 

The next two days passed by in a daze. There had been no further word from Ren, he was _waiting_ for her, but Rey was considering not approaching the General at all with her request to leave. She should send Ren a comm the first chance she got and tell him that their meeting on Coruscant was cancelled. She could simply tell him that she had changed her mind or that she wasn’t able to get permission to leave the base. What might happen next time they crossed their sabers? Would he simply accept her cop-out when she was the one to come on to him in the first place? Rey knew if their roles were reversed, she would feel humiliated and angry being played liked that.

Finn and Poe noticed her odd behaviour, her unusual silence and jumpiness, and asked her on separate occasions if everything was really alright. If she didn’t take care of this problem now, it would drive her crazy and distract her during missions and compromise the safety of her friends.

 

It was on the third day after Takodana that Rey finally made her decision. As soon as she woke up, earlier than usual, she took a shower, got dressed and made her way to the General’s quarters. Her hands were clammy with sweat when she knocked on Leia’s door.

 

“Rey,” the General greeted her with a smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling. “What can I do for you?” She stepped aside and motioned for Rey to come in.

 

“Good morning, General,” Rey said, swallowing hard. She stepped inside, her stomach knotting and twisting as Leia took a seat on the sofa. Oh Force, she was going to ask this woman for a vacation, so she could have sex with Leia’s evil son. Rey’s back was ramrod straight when she sat down as well, fiddling with her fingers in her lap. She took a deep breath. Better to get it out now than to delay the question. “I know this is unusual and maybe not the best time, but I wanted to ask you if it was possible for me to take a few days of leave.”

 

There. She said it. The General blinked, and Rey’s breath hitched in her throat. Oh no. Could the General _sense_ what was going on in Rey? Maybe she knew! How mortifying! Would she be punished? Would she--

 

“Ah, this is unexpected,” Leia said, but there was no anger or even a hint of suspicion in her gentle voice. “May I ask you why?”

 

“I wanted to go to Coruscant. The last time I was there I didn’t have the chance to explore it much.” Rey bit her lip. It wasn’t entirely a lie. She had been to Coruscant once because of a mission, and as soon as their work was done there, they had left the planet. “I wouldn’t be gone for too long. Just a few days. It would be nice.”

 

“I see.” Leia patted her arm. “Who are you taking with you then?”

 

“I was planning on going on my own, actually.” Damn it. Of course, the General would be expecting that Rey was taking Finn along. Leia raised her brows and it took Rey everything not to squirm. She should have prepared her story better.

 

“I understand, Rey.”

 

Oh? Did she?

 

The General leaned in then with a conspiratorial smile. Rey smiled back, nervous.

 

“I’m not going to ask who he is. I’m just asking you to be careful,” Leia said. “You were provided with a contraceptive implant, weren’t you?”

 

Rey opened and shut her mouth, her cheeks burning with the force of her blush.

 

“Um, yes?” she squeaked out. The General was giving her permission. The General was also asking her to be careful. The General also knew -- _how?!_ \-- that Rey was planning to have sex once she was on Coruscant. However, the General definitely had no idea with _whom_ Rey was planning to have sex.

 

Leia chuckled, squeezing Rey’s hand. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You have spent so many years on Jakku fighting for survival, it is okay to indulge yourself.” She rubbed the bridge of her nose with a sigh, the blue stone of her pretty ring glinting in the filtered light of the room. There was a deep sadness in her eyes, the weariness of a woman who had lived a thousand lifetimes worth of pain and hurt. “I feel like I shouldn’t be dragging you into all of this. This isn’t your fight, even if you are Force sensitive.”

 

Rey squared her shoulders. “With all due respect, General, I Ihave made the decision to help the Resistance and to seek out Master Luke. I appreciate your concern, though.” Rey truly did. It warmed her heart to have this woman care for her. Force sensitivity notwithstanding, Rey wasn’t anyone special, just a girl who happened to stumble into the business of the Resistance when she decided to save a hapless droid. Leia was such a good woman; she felt everyone’s pain as if it were her own, and was invested in everyone’s happiness as if it were her own. Rey might not know much, but maybe this was what it was like to have a mother. She shook her head and blinked rapidly against the treacherous stinging in her eyes.

 

“Of course, Rey. I never meant to imply otherwise, but you are so young. Sometimes I forget how young. I was raised by my parents into the world of politics. I have known nothing but the fight against the injustice of the Empire. Even after the Empire was defeated, all I knew was how to fight.”

 

Leia stood up, her hands clasped behind her back. She walked towards the window and Rey was left staring at the back of the General’s head, the pretty braids twisting her greying hair together.

 

“Your parents?”

 

Rey had never asked Leia about Vader, had never dared to and didn’t think it was her place to. From what Master Luke had told her, the General had never known the man who couldn’t bear to watch his son’s pain and had sacrificed his own life to end the Emperor’s. She had only ever known the hound of the Empire.

 

“Yes, the people who raised me,” Leia said resolutely. “Breha and Bail Organa. My father was a confidante of my biological mother, and they planted the seeds of what would later become the Rebel Alliance. Ah, but enough of that. I don’t want to bore you with old stories.”

 

Oh, but it wouldn’t be boring at all, and perhaps it was something the General also needed to get off her chest. However, Rey didn’t think she was the best person to confide in. They came from vastly different worlds, how could she offer this woman words of advice and comfort?

 

The General turned around, gifting Rey with another smile that wasn’t as bright as the ones from before. “Tell me how long you’d like to stay on Coruscant, Rey?”

 

Right. That was why Rey was here in the first place.

 

“Well, I don’t think I am going to stay that long on Coruscant, but it takes four standard days to the Core Worlds--”

 

Leia held up her hand, silencing Rey. “Don’t worry about the hyperspace travel. Just tell me how long you would like to stay there?”

 

Rey fidgeted. “Two days would be fine.”

 

“Two days?” Leia snorted, shaking her head. “That’s not nearly enough for a planet like Coruscant. Take ten days and don’t worry about travel time.”

 

Rey gasped. “But General, I can’t stay away that long.”

 

“Yes, you can. There is plenty to explore in Galactic City alone. I hope your…companion will properly show you around.”

 

Rey gulped, panic and anxiety unfurling in her heart. She was most definitely not going to go sightseeing with Kylo Ren! And she couldn’t afford to stay away for so long!

 

“But what if something happens? What if the First Order strikes and I’m not there to help?!”

 

“We will hold our own as we always do and I will immediately send for you if we require your assistance.”

 

“But--”

 

“Rey. It will be fine. Take your time. You deserve this.”

 

“I…” Rey glanced down at her lap, unclenching her fingers. When had she ever had _free_ time? When was the last time she had not been occupied with her training or a mission? Coruscant was big. Once her business with Ren was over, she could actually use that time to explore the massive planet. Simply enjoy herself. “Alright. Thank you, General.”

 

Leia waved a hand. “Just don’t forget to bring me a souvenir.”

 

“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Rey laughed and stood up. She might be on her way to make the biggest mistake of her life, but even the thought of Ren couldn’t dampen her excitement right now. She paused at the door. “And General? If you don’t mind, I would love to hear about your father and mother. _Mothers_.”

 

Darth Vader’s shadow hung over the galaxy like a shroud. He might have found his way back to the Light, but the Dark side had still been a part of him. He had saved his son, but had committed countless atrocities along the way in the name of the Empire. Perhaps it was time to hear the stories of the people who had always fought the good fight.

 

“I would love to tell you about them.” Leia smiled, warm brown eyes glassy. “Let’s arrange something when you’re back from your trip.”

 

Rey nodded. “I’m looking forward to it!”

 

“Now go. And have fun.”

 

Leia winked, and Rey choked on her breath.

 

* * *

 

It took her four standard days to reach Coruscant. Four mentally harrowing days during which she almost turned her ship around about what felt like a thousand times. Ren had insisted on taking care of their accommodations, something Rey had vehemently protested against initially. She didn’t trust him, but he had pointed out since she had chosen the planet it seemed only fair that he was given freedom to handle this part of their trip. Grudgingly, she had relented.

 

Rey practised her lightsaber forms to distract herself, worked on building more muscle and strength, and tried meditating, even if she was entirely unfit for it. Master Luke would sigh at her jumpiness and lack of calm, but pat her on the head with affection and tell her to try to center herself. If he ever found out about what she was going to do, would he reject teaching her from thereon?

 

There were only about two hours left before she reached Coruscant’s atmosphere.

 

The panic set in slowly; first she was only rocking her knee up and down, but then her hands were so clammy with cold sweat that they nearly slipped off the controls. Her pulse spiked, her heart palpitating before she tried out the breathing exercises Master Luke had shown her. Inhale. Exhale. Let the Force flow through her, the light always guiding her.

 

Now it was guiding her to sleep with her enemy? She let out a hysterical bark of laughter. That would be a tale to tell to the future generation of Jedi. She set the computer on autopilot, wincing at her stiff joints. She had been sitting there for hours, fretting and letting the anxiety invade every pore of her body. Stretching her arms above her head, she sighed before letting her shoulders slump. A shower sounded like a good idea.

 

The refresher was small and cramped, but it was better than what she was used to. She stripped off quickly, her clothes a rumpled pile on cool grey tiles, and pulled her hair free from its bun. She stepped in front of the floor length mirror, watching her naked body with furrowed brows.

 

Ever since she left Jakku, there had been a lot of monumental changes in her life. There was her Force sensitivity she was honing with the help of Master Luke. There was also the fight with the Resistance and her newfound small family with Poe and Finn and Jessika. She didn’t know what the General felt about her; Leia was always warm and very supportive towards anyone, it seemed, but Rey liked to think she could count the woman as a member of her new family as well, together with Master Luke and his gentle kindness.

 

But then there had also been different kinds of changes. With regular and proper nutrition Rey felt herself getting stronger. Her period became a regular thing, another sign of her getting healthier, Doctor Kalonia had assured her. She had gained some weight; there was a slight softness along her hips and the swell of her breasts was more prominent. Bringing her hands up, she cupped them curiously, enjoying their weight and texture in her palms. They were still small, barely a handful, but now at least they were noticeable without her having to bend down and let gravity help display her diminutive curves.

 

Her days on Jakku had been filled with constant labour in the scorching desert sun, of overheated metal leaving her palms burned and blistered, of exhaustion and of the desperate hope that her family would one day return for her. Her nights had been lonely and cold, and sometimes, when her curiosity got the better of her, they were spent in the company of her hand between her legs, but she hadn’t derived much pleasure from that. She was too weak, too tired and too hungry to properly explore her body.

 

With the weight gain and the threat of starvation gone, her libido thrived and made her nightly explorations much more exciting and satisfying. There had been a few shy kisses she had exchanged with Finn, but things never progressed further than that as they both realized that what they felt for each other arose from deep friendship and comfort. In spite of this, Rey liked being kissed, liked feeling Finn’s full lips pressed against hers, and had wondered what it would be like if she were to kiss someone else.

 

She stepped into the shower with a huff, closing her eyes against the stream of warm water.

 

Kissing Ren had been entirely different; there had been no finesse, no hesitation. Maybe that was why their first two kisses had been close to disastrous. But having his pouty lips pressed against hers had ignited her desire like nothing before, heat that curled in her belly and made her throb with want. She knew the mechanics of sex, of course, had read up enough about it, and Poe tended to be particularly loose-lipped when he had drunk his favourite brand of Corellian rum. Suffice to say, Rey had heard all about the “best ways to give head”. Would Ren want her to suck his--

 

Rey shook her head. She washed her hair quickly, rinsing her body off before her fantasies could catch up with her.

 

Freshly dressed in black trousers and a blue blouse she had bought on a whim because she loved the colour so much, Rey found herself back in the cockpit, marginally more relaxed. She leaned back against the seat, the bun at the top of her head bumping against the headrest.

 

It was time.

 

Coruscant was a large gleaming gem in the heart of the galaxy, and Rey felt as intimidated by it as the first time she had glimpsed it. The gentle stream of the Force amassed to a throbbing roar that pounded against her temples. Would she ever get used to the trillions of lifeforms that inhabited this planet? The Force flowed through everyone in the galaxy, and it was overwhelming to be feeling it so intensely, multiplied and twined together. Rey took a few deep breaths as she centered herself, straightening her back and gripping the controls of the ship. Soon, the fluttering energy became a dull pulse, and the pressure against her temples abated.

 

Receiving clearance from the Westport Control Tower, Rey steered the ship towards Docking Bay 9372, and despite her nervousness, she proceeded to land the ship without incident. Rey turned the ship’s systems off and rose from her seat, her heart in her throat. The smell of hot duracrete and fuel permeated the air as Rey walked down the ship’s ramp stiffly.

 

Kylo Ren was already here.

 

She frowned and grasped the straps of her bag more tightly. People were yelling and talking and pressing forward without a care to get to their ships in time. Everything and everyone seemed to be in a hurry and Rey had never felt more out of place than she did now.

 

It shouldn’t have been this easy to find him among such an impenetrable crowd of lifeforms, but Ren’s Force signature had become as familiar to her as her own. There was an erratic tug on his side of the Bond, a slight upheaval of his power. A dizzying current whizzed down her spine and her heartbeat echoed within her ears. She moved with the crowd, but it was the Force leading her towards Kylo Ren. She passed several ships, civilian cruisers and private freighters alike. An expanse of grey stretched in front of her, behind her, like a desert of durasteel. Massive pillars of towers and skyscrapers shot up high into the sky, their transparisteel windows shining with the light of the Deep Core.

 

Rey squinted and trudged forward, glaring at the Togruta who pushed past her without so much as an apology. Her stomach was full of flutters and her fingers a clammy, jittery mess, her skin prickling with anxiety.

 

She gulped.

 

She was really going to do this. As if on cue the crowd parted and Rey stepped forward, breath catching in her throat.

 

Kylo Ren stood there, leaning against a pole, arms crossed over his chest and looking like he really didn’t want to be here. Then, he raised his eyes from his boots towards her and the noise and clutter of the people phased into a dull whisper. She was frozen in the thrall of his stare, his smouldering gaze making her nerve endings flare with heat. It was jarring to see him without his dramatic robes, but instead in simple grey trousers and a silken red shirt, looking like any other man waiting for his _someone_.

 

Right. Today they were not a Knight of Ren and a Jedi at war with each other, but a normal man and woman seeking each other’s company. Maybe she could even pretend that she wasn’t going to commit treason, because she had simply met this man at a bar or cantina and they had immediately clicked. Nevertheless, they weren’t sweethearts, he wasn’t actually a man waiting for his wife or girlfriend and he didn’t rush forward to scoop her into his arms to tell her how much he had missed her.

 

There was a lump in her throat when she walked up to him, chin held high. His dark eyes bored into her own before he trailed them up and down her body. His Adam’s apple bobbed. Finally, without moving from his spot, he inclined his head.

 

“Rey,” he said, and she felt her knees tremble at the timbre of his voice. His eyes flitted from left to right, brows creased with suspicion.

 

She opened her mouth before snapping it shut audibly. Addressing him by his title was a bad idea, even if nobody was paying them any attention. Instead she nodded in the way of a greeting.

 

“Shall we?” she asked. Wordlessly, he grabbed his own dark brown leather bag and heaved it over a stupidly broad shoulder. He quirked his brow and grunted like it was a perfect substitute for words. “So where are we going?” she asked conversationally, as if they were not on their way to have sex.

 

They walked past a group of enthusiastic Ithorian travellers, and crossed the bridge that led to the main building of the spaceport. The crowd was thick, and their shoulders ended up brushing in spite of Rey’s attempts to keep her distance.

 

“You’ll see.”

 

Rey frowned up at him. “And you can’t tell me because…?”

 

“It’s a hotel. A respectable one.”

 

“If this is a trap--”

 

“It is not,” he snapped. “I intend to honour our truce, even if I can’t be sure you will extend the same courtesy towards me.”

 

“Oh please.” Rey snorted, her lips curling into a humourless smile. “You act like I’m the dangerous one here.”

 

“You _are_ dangerous.” Rey’s head snapped up. He was glowering straight ahead, looking distinctly displeased. “I have underestimated you once and I will not repeat that mistake. You are powerful with the Force, a formidable fighter and intelligent, yet you waste your time with--”

 

“Shut up,” she hissed, elbowing him against his arm. She willed her stupid heart to stop fluttering at the readily given approval. He was her enemy, for Force’s sake! Any praise he bestowed upon her wasn’t something she should be embracing.

 

He scowled down at her, sneering.

 

“The truth of the matter is that, even though we both have no reason to trust each other, we are still here. Either we go through with this, or we both return to our respective ships and don’t speak of this again. Besides, this was your idea in the first place. I have more room to suspect that this might be a trick, a ploy you planned ahead to deliver me to the Resistance.”

 

Rey scoffed. “Well, it’s not. We will get this over with and then, yeah, go back to fighting each other.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Good.”

 

The nervous energy between them mounted until they exited the building and hailed an air taxi. The pilot shot them a bright smile which Rey returned faintly, feeling Ren’s Force signature spike with annoyance. They stored their luggage in the crossbar compartments before they took their seats in the back.

 

“Where can I take you two?” the pilot asked, turning in his seat to look at her.

 

“The Elite,” Ren said curtly without giving the man a glance. “And don’t dawdle.”

 

Rey frowned and discreetly kicked Ren’s shin, suppressing a smug bubble of laughter at his offended glare. Served him right.

 

“The Elite? Right, sorry. I’ll get you there in no time at all,” the pilot stammered, turning back to fiddle with the controls.

 

“Please, don’t mind him,” Rey said, pointing at Ren. “He’s always grumpy.” Ren’s glare sharpened as she grinned at the confused pilot.

 

“I’m guessing you two are on vacation then?” the pilot asked, a little guarded, after the systems roared to life and they lifted off into the skylanes of Coruscant.

 

“None of your--”

 

“Yes,” she cut in, kicking Ren again before he could say anything else. He growled under his breath. Rey raised her nose and turned away from him with a huff, which morphed into a squeak when Ren stomped on her boot.

 

His _amusement_ hummed through the Bond.

 

Why was she attracted to this man again?

 

Rey gritted her teeth, her attention back on the pilot, and said pointedly, “But we won’t be staying for too long.”

 

Ignoring Ren, much to his increasing irritation, she spent the rest of the trip chit-chatting with their pilot, Zaimur. Born and raised on Coruscant, he had never been off-world, but was saving up money to take his boyfriend to Spira. His crystal blue eyes lit up when he talked about his partner, his cheeks dimpling with his smile. But then the twinkle in his gaze dimmed when he talked about how he wished he were better with numbers.

 

“My cousin was pretty good at math,” he said. “He was going to become an accountant, but then he joined a cult. The Acolytes of the Beyond or something? Or so my aunt keeps telling me. Nobody really knows what happened. I’m pretty sure he just gambled away all of his tuition credits. He always liked playing pazaak a little too much.”

 

Ren scowled deeply, and Rey was saved from having to reply to these kind of odd revelations when Zaimur announced that they had arrived. Before Rey could say anything about it, Ren thrust his credit chip towards the pilot without ceremony. Rey waved and bid the befuddled pilot a bright goodbye before she went on to get their luggage from the compartments as Ren handled the payment.

 

She barely noticed the air taxi leaving and Ren taking his own bag from her hands because Rey’s eyes were transfixed by what looked like two towers of diamonds shooting up into the sky, connected by several skybridges in between, catching the light in a way that made the buildings _dazzle._

 

Just how much did it cost to spend a night here?

 

* * *

 

 

It was like looking up at suspended water droplets. The ceiling of the turbolift was encased in drapings of small clear crystals and it was beautiful, something she wished she could appreciate more, but…

 

“The honeymoon suite?” she asked, disbelief colouring every word and syllable after several minutes of static silence and uneasy fidgeting from the both of them. Ren tensed up next to her, his fists clenched at his sides.

 

“It’s a respectable establishment,” he stated.

 

Rey exhaled sharply through her nose. “You booked us the honeymoon suite.”

 

It had been quite the ordeal to go from awestruck at the gorgeous design of the lobby to utter astonishment when the beautiful orange-skinned Twi’lek behind the reception counter had looked up from her datapad to announce that the honeymoon suite was ready for them. Rey had tried to speak up, tried to say that there had to be a mistake of some sort, but she had only managed to let out a strangled string of unintelligent half-thoughts before a flustered Ren was dragging her ahead towards the turbolift.

 

Ren remained silent and it occurred to her that he might not have an answer for his actions either. When she had relented and let him handle their sleeping arrangements, she hadn’t been expecting this. A hotel in the upper levels of Coruscant, an entire suite to themselves. A honeymoon suite at that. A small inn without all this luxury would have sufficed; all they needed was privacy and a bed, yet he went out of his way to arrange all of this.

 

A heavy knot of trepidation settled deep in her belly when the turbolift came to a halt and they were ushered outside by a service droid. Rey wished she still had her bag, just so she could keep her hands occupied with something, but it had been taken from her in the lobby and was probably already in the suite. The Force buzzed around them and she was overcome with the debilitating thought that _this was really happening_. Weak-kneed and anxious and excited all at once, Rey watched dazedly as Ren punched in the code to their room. She could almost ignore the frantic hammering of her heart, could almost ignore her clammy palms as she rubbed them against the rough fabric of her trousers.

 

She let out a gasp and pushed past Ren, whose spine straightened into a stiff line. The floor was a pristine shade of off-white and she felt a little self-conscious about sullying it with her worn boots, but her curiosity won out. Wide-eyed, Rey barely managed to keep her mouth shut at the space that stretched out in front of her, illuminated by the light that filtered through the clari-crystalline of floor-to-ceiling windows that made up the walls of the room. A sitting area with a light beige, long couch curving around a low table took up most of the room. To her right were a small dining area and a kitchen. Lightheaded, Rey stalked forward towards the windows, ignoring the closed door to her right she assumed led to the bedroom. Instead, she pressed her hand against the vitreous door that opened up to reveal a vast balcony with lounge chairs and a small pool of sparkling blue water that seemed to unfold infinitely beyond the edge of the balcony.

 

Her breath caught in her throat at the marvellous view of a gleaming Galactic City.

 

All of this, just for one night? She shook her head and stepped back inside.

 

“Ren? What is this?” Rey asked, shutting the door behind her.

 

He cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean?”

 

“This.” Rey gestured around her, scrunching up her nose. “Isn’t this a little excessive? What were you thinking?”

 

It was beautiful. In fact, beautiful seemed wholly inadequate to describe the suite. How many credits had he spent on this?

 

“You don’t like it?” He clenched his fists, eyes averted to the floor, and in that moment he looked more like an overgrown boy than a man. “I shouldn’t be surprised, considering you were willing to do this in a dirty forest.”

 

“This isn’t about whether I like it or not,” she said testily, frowning. “Because this place is…wonderful, but isn’t it too much?”

 

His head shot up, dark eyes wild and frantic, and Rey felt her nerves ignite with the force of his stare.

 

“I will not bed you somewhere that is less than adequate.”

 

She blinked, something warm and hazy unfurling in her chest. “And this place is what you consider adequate?”

 

“Yes.”

 

He wanted to make this special? Is that what he was trying to say? Is that why he brought her to the rooms that were reserved for newlyweds? She swallowed hard. She couldn’t let this get to her head. He wasn’t doing this for her. Hadn’t he grown up knowing nothing but the best, sleeping on featherbeds and silks? Of course he wouldn’t be satisfied with a simple room in a simple inn.

 

“Okay,” she breathed, squaring her shoulders before she walked up to him. She placed her hands on her hips. “Okay, let’s get this over with, then.”

 

Ren’s big brown eyes looked too wide and too innocent for a man that had committed countless atrocities, his head tilted in an odd, endearing expression of confusion. He made no move to bridge the gap between them, no haughty attempt to show her how much of a better kisser he was than her. Nervous. He was nervous.

 

“You’ve done this before?” she asked, shifting in place.

 

His wide-eyed surprise was enough of an answer.

 

Rey let out the breath she had been holding in her lungs, her shoulders sagging with something like relief.

 

“Neither have I,” she whispered, the revelation coming easy. She took a step forward as her fingers, jittery and clumsy with nervousness, went to fumble with the buttons of her blouse. “But we’ll figure it out. Together.”

 

The uncertainty in Ren’s eyes solidified into something else entirely and he was standing taller, the heat of his desire so tangible that she could taste it on the tip of  her tongue. She bit her lip. The bond sizzled with their shared anticipation, the awkwardness fading into a faint sensation in the back of their minds. They had the whole night together to work this out, to take their time with each other, to explore and to kiss. Her body thrummed with want, her stomach fluttering.

 

“Together,” he said thickly.

 

Rey nodded, lips twitching into a small smile.

 

She popped the first button open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psst check out this [graphic](http://lueurdelaube.tumblr.com/post/150834361377/sources-x-x-x-x-honeymoon-theyve-fought) I made for the story. It was the first time I tried my hand at something like this and it was more time consuming than I expected, but it was also a lot of fun.


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are honestly the best. Your kudos and lovely comments keep me young. Thank you so much. And now it's time for what you've all been waiting for. Enjoy~~~

Gone was the frantic simmering energy in the forest that had pulled their bodies together. Rey found her eagerness no less potent, but her fingers were being uncooperative and unbuttoning her blouse took her longer than it usually would have. Without taking her eyes off his, Rey raised her chin, a haughty jut that displayed far more confidence than she felt. She could see Ren’s Adam’s apple bob, her heart hammering against her ribs as she undid the last button and pushed the blue fabric off her shoulders with a sharp inhale. It pooled against her ankles on the floor, leaving her only in her flimsy breastband and her trousers. Rey’s skin erupted into goose bumps. 

 

He took a breath that shook his entire frame. His eyes flitted from the elegant arch of her throat, to the dip between her collarbones, to the delicate swell of her breasts, the gentle curve of her waist, and the taut muscles of her stomach. She squared her shoulders, willing her breathing to remain steady and calm, even when his gaze was searing right into her skin. 

 

“Now you,” she rasped, nodding towards him. She would not undress in front of him completely unless they did it together, refused to bare herself like this, make herself vulnerable while he stood there and stared, stupefied. 

 

“Right.” 

 

He heaved his shirt over his head in one jerky motion. His dark curls caught in the fabric, tousling his perfect coif into an attractive disarray. Her breath hitched in her throat at the hard sinewy muscle that was presented to her. Of course he'd be of strong build, it didn't-- it  _ shouldn't _ surprise her. The muscles in his arms bulged, a nerve in his neck jumped as she took a step towards him, entranced. 

 

His entire body was an odd amalgamation of contradictions: impossibly soft eyes and a boyish face that seemed more befitting of a lean, lanky build instead of his broad frame with hard solid muscle honed in battle. The marks she had left on him stood in stark contrast with his pale skin, red and angry. A cold shiver ran down her spine at the ugly scar from Chewie’s bowcaster at his side. Her friend’s devastated howl rang in her mind, the image of the vibrant red plasma piercing Han Solo through the chest forever ingrained behind her eyelids. 

 

It was almost too easy to forget that he was her enemy within the intimacy of this room, almost buried beneath the force of her desire. 

 

Ren shifted in place, awkward and self-conscious, and she couldn’t quite grasp how this was the same man who had so aggressively hunted her and Finn on Starkiller. Now he seemed almost…shy. She pressed her lips together tightly and willed those thoughts away. He wasn’t her enemy tonight. Well, he  _ still _ was...but… 

 

He took a few steps forward, startling her out of her musings. His eyes were a warm shade of brown when he raised a large hand to cup her cheek. His fingers, rough and calloused from years of combat, splayed over her soft skin. 

 

In that moment, she might as well have been the center of the galaxy. 

 

“Rey.” 

 

Heart clenching with anticipation, she raised herself to her tiptoes, eyes fluttering shut, just as he dipped his head towards her. Entire galaxies exploded behind her eyelids when his lips finally brushed against hers in a frustratingly gentle caress as his other hand settled on her lower back. His nose pressed awkwardly against hers, making him grunt before he angled his head to the side, slow and unhurried. Ren sighed and Rey snorted against his lips.

 

She ran her hands up his chest when they pulled apart, tamping down on the urge to push him onto the couch and have her wicked way with him. It felt wrong to rush it, wanting to get it over with as if it were a chore. She was going to enjoy this. The pads of her fingers forged a trail up to his neck, making him tremble before she wrapped her arms around him. 

 

He pulled her flush against him, their mutual desire ricocheting back and forth within the crackling Bond. Ren’s hand travelled up her bare spine, making her arch up against him and bite back a gasp as his fingers played shyly with the fabric of her breastband. He didn’t linger there though, instead pulling at the tie that held her hair together in a bun 

 

Rey sighed, closing her eyes. His long, thick fingers raked through her hair, letting her locks tumble down her shoulders. He cradled her jaw, the pad of his thumb rough yet warm and  _ tender _ across her cheekbone. Her breath caught in her throat when she opened her eyes, surrendering herself to the thrill incited by his stare. 

 

She brought their mouths together again, parting her lips with a soft sigh and sinking against his tentative embrace. Her tongue darted out to brush against the seam of his mouth, and he tensed a little before his own tongue met hers in a languid brush. They were clumsy and unpractised, but Rey couldn’t remember something that felt as wonderful and glorious as this. 

 

Why had she ever shied away from touching like this? Always wary, always leery of the people at Base who expressed more than a fleeting interest in her, because Rey had learned the hard way that kindness was the most effective mask a person could wear. How could she give herself to someone if their own faces could very well be their masks?

 

She broke the kiss with a sigh, staring into his glazed eyes. There was no deception to fear if someone had been wearing a mask since the beginning. She knew who Ren was, knew what to expect. He tilted his head to the side, tousled dark hair falling over his right eye. Something shifted in his gaze as if he could sense her inner turmoil.

 

“Are you…is this…are you not comfortable?” he asked, his voice deeper than usual, a rich and husky timbre that danced pleasantly along her nerve endings. Rey tamped down on the trepidation that spilled into her veins and buried her face against his neck. His pulse was a frantic beat against her cheek as she traced the shape of his jawline, stopping to whisper against his ear.

 

“I’m good.” She gulped as she felt him shudder against her, felt him hard and solid pressed against her belly. “Let’s, um, let’s go to the bedroom,” she said, unable to stop herself from grinding against his erection.

 

Their progress from the sitting area to the bedroom was a slow one. She couldn’t stop touching him, couldn’t help but marvel at the expanse of his back, the moles on his pale flesh, and his absurdly soft lips as he nipped at her neck. Heat swamped her skin, her nerves, her limbs; it made her feverish, made her cling to him and drag her nails down his arms. His eyes were a blazing inferno, nearly unbearable in their intensity, but Rey couldn’t get enough of his stare, her core throbbing and clenching with need. She mewled as he palmed her rear and lifted her feet from the ground, and somehow he managed to walk them both towards the bedroom without tripping.

 

Rey toed off her boots and socks first thing after he set her down, the lush white carpet soft beneath the soles of her feet. The bed on the far end of the room, decked in numerous pillows in shades of honeyed white, of warm light browns, and an ochre, silken sheet beckoned her. 

 

Yet she couldn’t move, her lungs overstuffed with air.

 

This was real. This was happening. And she  _ wanted  _ this. Wanted him. This was no daydream, no careless thought, no inconsequential  _ what if _ . 

 

The door behind him slid shut on its own, startling him. It was somewhat comforting to know that his nerves were as frazzled as hers, that he was as new to this as she was. 

 

“I want to see you,” she said, gathering her courage.

 

She motioned towards his trousers and boots. He sucked in a jittery breath. There was something methodical about his movements as he undressed, quick and efficient, only the trembling of his hands betraying his nervousness. She watched him with rapt attention as he dropped his pants to the floor, kicking them off. Self-consciousness oozed out of him in ripples, but he refused to break their eye contact, refused to cave in to his reticence, and discarded his underwear. 

 

All the air whooshed out of her lungs. Her mouth ran dry.

 

She had no one to compare him to, but he looked so  _ big _ . She rubbed her thighs together, the heat between her legs unbearable.The thought of fitting him inside of her should scare her a little, and perhaps it was a little daunting, but her body just  _ thrummed  _ with want and anticipation. She couldn’t wait to have him, to feel him thrust and move, to have him cry out with her, because of her.

 

A warm fluttery sensation spread in her stomach as she stepped up to him and splayed her fingers over his chest, right above his heart. The frantic rhythm matching her own heartbeat. Her hand slid down his sternum and over his abdomen, delighting her with the way his muscles contracted under her touch. Ren gasped when she grazed a sensitive spot below the dip of his hip bone, not brave enough yet to reach lower. He observed her with delirious fervour, his hands clenched into fists at his sides, letting her drink him in in his nakedness and vulnerability. 

 

A spark of arousal shot up her spine. She had this powerful man at her mercy. She couldn’t fathom why he was being so compliant, so patient, when she could feel the Force quake around him with his restrained passion. 

 

Letting her palm slide lazily over the scar at his side, she walked around his body, stopping when she was facing his back. Her blood pounded hotly within her veins. Moles were scattered over his skin like the constellations of stars in the night sky, his skin firm with defined muscle. She placed both of her hands against his shoulder blades and pressed her lips softly between them, his tall frame quivering in response. Her name was a velvety whisper on his lips, the quietest of sighs that had her heart hammering furiously. 

 

Rey found herself trembling with him as she moved her palms down his skin, admiring what the smallest of touches could do to him. How he jerked when she smoothed her finger down the slope of his spine, how he breathed in harshly through his nose when she dragged her nails against his flesh, or the way he grunted when she dipped her thumbs into the dimples at his tailbone, before she clutched his hips.

 

She was insatiable, couldn’t get enough of his body and she had barely touched him. How was she going to deal with having his hands on her eventually, tracing her modest curves? Would he still be gentle when she was naked as well? Or would he perhaps be a little rougher? How would he want her? On her back? On her knees in front of him? Or would he let her ride him, pliant beneath her?

 

She didn’t know what she would prefer either. Maybe they could try out everything?

 

Dragging her nails down his hips, she unabashedly reached for his rear. Ren let out a strangled groan as she marveled at how firm it was. She smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist, squashing her front against his back, her fingers curling against the ridges of his abdomen. His deep breaths rattled his chest, his heartbeat a constant roar that reverberated within the Bond. A power unlike any she had ever felt before pulsed in her veins, filling her with confidence and pride at having a man react to her so intensely, having him at her disposal like that with the tiniest effort. 

 

Her playful fingers danced down his navel, and the sound of her name wrapped in his deep gravelly voice made her toes curl against the carpet. Lower and lower her hand went, and for the first time she cursed his considerable height because she couldn’t see over his shoulder what it looked like when she wrapped her hand around his cock. 

 

“Rey,” he gasped, thrusting into her hand. He was hard and smooth and warmer than the rest of his body. He pulsed within her grip as she stroked him up and down, relishing his soft moans, and decided to reward him for them. She tightened her grip and pressed open-mouthed kisses against the back of his neck. Heat fizzed from her belly to her core when she thumbed the ridge just below his head, making him twitch before he froze.

 

“Mmm, wait.” His fingers stilled her hand, his thumb rubbing circles against the inside of her wrist.

 

“What is it?” she asked, squirming, clenching and unclenching her thighs. 

 

“What--” his voice wavered, breaking into a higher pitch, before he cleared his throat. “What about you?”

 

Rey raised her head from the crook of his neck and placed a kiss onto the curve of his shoulder.

 

“Hmm?”

 

Gently, he pried her arms off his frame and turned around. Hooking his finger into the space between her breastband and chest, he tugged at the fabric with a wicked gleam in his eyes. 

 

“You’re still dressed,” he murmured, sweeping his heavy-lidded gaze all over her body. “It doesn’t seem entirely fair.”

 

“Oh?” Rey raised an eyebrow and tried for a sultry smirk in an attempt to ignore the stutter of her heart. She clasped her hands together at the base of his neck and pulled him down into a hard kiss. Slowly, they gravitated towards the bed while trading the kiss back and forth, their hands groping and roaming everywhere. He groaned against her skin when she brazenly dragged her hand down to fondle his ass. 

 

They pulled apart with a shared gasp, lips red and swollen, their eyes mirroring the same eagerness. She traced the scar she had left on his shoulder with a finger before she gently nudged him to sit on the bed. Ren leaned back on the silky sheet, bracing himself on his elbows as he waited for her with bated breath. 

 

Her blood buzzed with a nervous energy that made her fingers tremble when she reached to undo her trousers, her movements slow and hesitant. At the same time Ren’s dark, searing stare bolstered her confidence, her pride, at the blatant  _ want  _ he exuded for her. Rey, the scavenger from a backwater planet like Jakku, a no one, yet he regarded her with reverence and awe. She didn’t feel like no one here, in this bedroom, under the force of his gaze, she felt like she was  _ everything _ .

 

Her trousers came off without preamble as Ren’s eyes darkened with the creamy expanse of her legs revealed to him. Between the amount of fabric and her ungainly hands, usually so deft and clever, the breastband took annoyingly long to unwrap. But he waited, patient and watchful, eyes darkening with each new exposed sliver of skin. Her nipples were already hard and sensitive against the rough cloth as it loosened around her chest until her breasts were free, and she let the fabric slither down  between her fingers. 

 

His sharp intake of breath raised goosebumps on her arms. She hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her underwear and shimmied out of them. Rey shuddered as she tried to stand tall in her nudity, vulnerable and exposed in a way she had never been before, unable to shake off the apprehension of being sized up by his eyes. Never did she have to worry about her body being pretty or beautiful, didn’t have to care whether her skin was smooth enough, or whether her breasts were too small, or her frame too thin or too tall. 

 

Her body was the only thing she had free command over, and that was that. 

 

Now, however, she couldn’t help but wonder if Ren might find her lacking, even if he  _ was _ drinking her in like a man suffering through a drought.

 

“ _ Force, _ ” he breathed, his nails digging into the sheet below, his pupils blown wide with desire. “You’re beautiful.”

 

Rey’s lips parted with a gasp. Her mind lurched with a short wave of bashfulness, before she was preening under his enraptured gaze. She didn’t think she would ever tire of being on the receiving end of this look. Smiling, Rey stepped up towards him and settled her knees on either side of his hips, her blood singing with lust.

 

Ren cupped her cheeks with both of his hands, an expression of absolute wonder on his face as if he couldn’t quite believe that this was indeed happening. Their lips crashed together, all teeth and tongue and passion as her hands desperately latched onto his hair, her hips grinding against his lap. 

 

“Touch me,” she moaned, angling her hips to press against the underside of his cock with frenzied movements. He hissed against her cheek, breathed out her name before his hands slid down her neck to cup her breasts.

 

It was ridiculous how big his hands were, how they engulfed her soft flesh. She arched her back, sighing at the sensation of his thumbs dragging over her sensitive nipples. Her fingers raked through his hair, slid down his neck before taking his chin in her hands to bring their mouths together for another kiss. It was messy and heady, and she accidentally sucked his tongue into her mouth.

 

Rey didn’t think it was even possible for her skin to feel hotter than it already did, but each caress of his, each filthy grind against his shaft had her mind reeling. Her brain was an addled, foggy mess, and the only thing that registered within was the acute sensation of his touch. There was no room to doubt this, no room to worry about what they were going to do once the act was over and done. 

 

Ren let out a growl as he squeezed her breasts together, eliciting a gasp from her, her hips jerking. He let his lips linger against her collarbone for a moment, his long, pretty eyelashes fluttering against her sweltering skin, and then trailed further down. He kissed the swell of her breast, his tongue darting out to taste her, but refusing to touch her nipple.

 

She mewled, frustrated and annoyed with his teasing, but instead of taking the hint, she felt his mouth curve into a smirk just against her tit.  _ Bastard _ . He pulled away from her chest, the corners of his eyes crinkling with the faint devilish smile playing on his lips. It was barely there, yet it was enough to make her weak in the knees and her heart flutter like in those holo-novels she had taken a liking to thanks to Jessika. 

 

She dragged his head back by the hair at the base of his neck and stared down at him with what she hoped was properly conveyed anger. His smirk only widened and that just wouldn’t do. She huffed and before he could say anything stupid, she was kissing the smugness out of him. He gripped her hips as she lightly bit down on his bottom lip and continued to drag her mouth further down his enticing skin. 

 

She kissed the mole at the corner of his jaw, and then returned briefly to his mouth, only to move further up to turn her attention to the scar that bisected his face. A chaste kiss to his forehead had him bucking up needily between her legs, her thighs quivering in response. She wanted nothing more than to have him buried inside of her, but she also wanted to take the time to explore his body and herself properly. She wanted to do  _ everything _ .

 

“I, hmm, want to try something.” Her words were muffled by the kisses she trailed down his scar. 

 

“What would that be?” he asked, turning his head to the side just as her lips reached his cheek. He kissed her leisurely, unhurried, unlike their desperate groping from before. She lazily stroked his tongue with hers before she pulled away, not quite able to meet his eyes.

 

“I would like to, um--” she began, cringing at the way her voice broke into a squeak, her cheeks burning with her embarrassment. His large hand smoothed down the curve of her spine soothingly, calming her just a little. She cleared her throat, absently trailing her finger over the scar on his shoulder as she tried to tamp down her nervousness. “I want to…  _ putmymouthonyou. _ ”

 

Ren’s entire frame went rigid and Rey closed her eyes in resignation. 

 

“It’s alright if you don’t want--”

 

“Do it.”

 

“Huh?” She pulled her face out of the crook of his neck to stare at him. She hadn’t misheard, had she? 

 

His eyes were wide and apprehensive. He tightened his hold around her waist, breathing heavily, and pressed their chests together. It was a sensation Rey hadn’t been able to particularly savour previously. 

 

“You can do it. I mean, put your mouth on me.” His fingers drew patterns at the small of her back, his eyebrows pulling together. “I did not misunderstand your intent, did I?” 

 

The slow dawning of misplaced horror on his face finally made Rey perk up from her stupor. She shook her head and kissed him soundly on the mouth.

 

“No, you didn’t,” she said breathily, unable to believe what was going to happen. Her teeth buried in her bottom lip, her eyes shining with glee as they sluggishly manoeuvred themselves to the centre of the bed. She was twitchy with anticipation, couldn’t wait to take him into her mouth, but he kept touching her, entirely distracted by her breasts. His incessant pinching and groping in return distracted  _ her _ as she could only marvel and sigh at his attentions, before she gingerly pried his hands off her chest.

 

Ren leaned against the array of soft pillows arranged at the headboard. She smirked down at him. It was her turn to play with him now. 

 

Rey entwined their hands and put them on either side of his head before she leaned down to peck him on the lips. She released his hands once her mouth roamed over the column of his neck, her palms sliding down the length of his arms. He swallowed thickly when she sucked on his pulse point. She could spend ages littering his neck with hickeys, marking him in ways that did not involve a lightsaber, but Rey was on a mission. 

 

The moan he let out when she latched onto his nipple went straight between her legs, and she didn’t think she had ever been this wet before. Never had she felt this desperate to plunge her finger into her tight heat. The tension was too much, stirring and making her blood boil until it felt like she was going to combust. 

 

But she wanted  _ more _ . 

 

She wanted to hear more from him. Wanted his gravelly voice to moan for her, to  _ beg  _ her. 

 

Impatient and restless, Rey kissed the moles that dotted his chest and laved at the muscles of his abdomen. Her tongue trailed down the firm contours and dipped into this navel, going lower and lower before she made herself comfortable between his spread legs. 

 

He was such a wonderful sight to behold with his dazed eyes and his skin proudly sporting her marks, red and purple along his neck and chest. She bit her lip and swallowed thickly, stroking his thighs. Her nerves buzzed with excitement when she glanced down at his cock.

 

She had done her research, she knew how to approach this…sort of, but what if she wasn’t good enough? What if she did something wrong? He was so big, too! How was she supposed to make him fit into her mouth?

 

But Rey was nothing if not a quick learner and she had never backed down from a challenge before. And she wasn’t the only one who was nervous about this. His self-consciousness at her scrutiny flared over the Bond. Rey patted his knee in what she hoped was a reassuring gesture, before her hand wandered towards his shaft. 

 

Its silken texture fascinated her; it was so smooth and hard, her small, calloused hand easily sliding up and down with his slickness. Ren sucked in a harsh breath and released it as a low, husky groan that shot straight to her core. His breath hitched when she changed the splay of her fingers, and when her thumb slid against his head he became only more vocal in his pleasure. It took Rey all of her willpower not to reach between her legs and stroke herself into an early orgasm. 

 

There would be time for that later. She was on a mission.

 

Licking her lips, Rey bent over his cock, pushing her hair behind her ear. She held his gaze because she wanted him to see this, to  _ watch _ her with awe shimmering in his eyes as she pleasured him with her mouth. His fingers curled into the sheet below. The Bond buzzed with anticipation and hunger and nervousness alike, and she couldn’t tell what was his and what was hers. 

 

Rey darted out her tongue and gave his head a tentative lick. Ren groaned, his hips snapping up the slightest bit as Rey licked him from base to tip, made sure to make him wet and slick enough for her. His jaw was taut with tension when Rey engulfed him into her hot mouth. There was no way she would be able to get him inside her mouth fully without her doing something embarrassing like gagging around him from the intrusion, and Rey was not tempted to try how far she could take it before that happened. 

 

She breathed through her nose and relaxed her jaw, and even as her hair annoyingly spilled over her shoulders, Rey didn’t stop. The noises he made spurned her on; deep groans and grunts, the reverent sigh of her name, his harsh panting when she found a particularly sensitive spot with the tip of her tongue. The sounds that escaped her throat were  _ obscene _ , but she couldn’t find it in herself to care much, not when Ren threw his head back in pleasure, not when his hips trembled with his restraint not to gracelessly buck into her mouth.

 

Careful to keep her teeth away from his flesh, she dragged her mouth up, releasing his shaft with a wet filthy moan that made him whimper. She smiled to herself, pressing her thighs together. Instead of taking him back into her mouth again, she dragged her tongue up the side of his dick, peppered him with kisses that had him begging for more and made Rey’s skin flare with heat. 

 

Curiously, she stroked him up and down again before taking him back into her mouth once more, sucking and stroking him at a languid pace. Ragged moans tumbled out of his mouth, but it wasn’t enough; she wanted-- _ needed _ to hear more.

 

Her tongue brushed against the familiar ridge that had made him jolt before. Her lips curled into a smile when he jerked up with a shout. Ren’s hand settled on her head and Rey froze for the briefest moment. Was he going to push her further down his cock? Anxiety bubbled in her stomach, but then his fingers gently gathered her errant locks into his fist, to keep them out of her face.

 

Her insides melted at the sweetness of the gesture. She hummed around his shaft, suckling on him more eagerly than before, her head bobbing up and down as he grunted her name. She felt him twitch, could feel him--

 

“Rey, Rey, I’m--” 

 

She looked up, taking in his face twisted in bliss, his eyes tiny slivers as he lightly pulled her hair, but Rey was prepared, and didn’t let go when he hit his release and emptied himself inside her mouth. Ren’s chest was heaving, the rapture of his orgasm etched onto his face as he watched her, spent and amazed. His eyes nearly bulged out of his head when she swallowed all of it down. 

 

“It’s bitter,” she stated stupidly, scrunching up her nose. 

 

“You didn’t have to do that,” he grumbled, throwing his arm over his blazing face.

 

“I wanted to.” She crawled forward to lie on her side next to him, cringing at her petulant voice.

 

The small puff of his laughter was certainly unexpected, but the stupid fluttery sensation in her stomach that seemed to be a permanent fixture around him wasn't. Rey squirmed. He raised his arm and turned to face her, his lips breaking into a big dumb boyish grin that had Rey’s feeble heart palpitating.

 

What was he doing to her?

 

He looked so young, nothing like the killer he was. 

 

His strong arm wrapped around her waist as he pulled her close, kissing her softly. 

 

“And you have never done this before?” He raised an eyebrow, his breath ghosting over her cheek. 

 

Rey shuddered. “I hadn’t. Why?”

 

With a sudden twist of his torso he rolled on top of her, eliciting a mortifying yelp from her. She glared up at him, feeling small beneath him, but found that she didn’t mind the feeling, not with how he was grinning down at her, features chipper and devoid of any darkness. Rey made a face. Maybe Ren wouldn’t always be so dour if he had just gotten his dick blown sooner.

 

“You are very good at it,” he said cheekily, brushing her hair out of her face in a gesture that felt far too intimate even after everything they had done already. Rey resisted the urge to fidget; it wouldn’t do to cut this short before they finished their business. 

 

“Well.” She craned her head to give him access to her neck. He didn’t waste any time and kissed up the curve of her shoulder before licking up her throat. “I did some research,” she said breathlessly, sighing at the sensation of his teeth against her flushed skin. 

 

“Oh?” He perked up, head rising to meet her gaze again. “What did that research entail?”

 

“You know--” her eyes slid shut when he nipped at a particularly sensitive spot just below her earlobe, before he trailed his tongue up the shell of her ear. “Mmmy friends…told me  _ stuff _ . And the holos-- _ oh! _ ”

 

He released the patch of skin he was worrying between his teeth.

 

“I didn’t think you’d be the type to watch holo-porn.” He sounded positively delighted at the prospect.

 

She scowled up at him and lightly whacked his arm.

 

“They were educational!”

 

“Of course.”

 

She whacked him again, making him snort. “I think you talk too much.”

 

He just smirked, slanting his mouth against hers in a lazy caress, but pulled away far too quickly. She let out a pitiful whine, but his lips on her neck instead were a fair exchange. He didn’t stop there and trailed little bites and kisses down her skin, before he took a nipple into his mouth.

 

Rey arched her back with a gasp as he ran his hand over her other breast, his touch curious and inquisitive. Her nails dragged down the plane of his back, her fingertips bumping against the puckered texture of his scars. Her lips parted with a helpless moan as he savoured her skin, laved at the dip in her collarbone before he rolled his tongue against her other nipple. She hadn’t expected this. 

 

Kylo Ren, a meticulous lover. 

 

This whole ordeal wasn’t exactly going according to the expectations she had set. She had meant for this to be over quickly, because she didn’t trust him enough to spend a longer time around him than necessary, but now…having him worship her body like this, having him kiss down her chest, his fingers brushing against the curve of her waist, Rey would indulge herself. Only tonight.

 

He ran his hands up her thighs while he nuzzled the inside of her knee, his soft hair tickling her skin. Rey gritted her teeth, clenching her eyes shut for a moment. Her fingers twitched with the urge to drag him down between her legs by his hair; the heat was unbearable and he only stoked the flame of her pleasure deeper within her belly, burning her from the inside out. He, however, had been so patient for her, had let her explore and touch him to her heart’s content, and it was only fair that she let him do the same. Her chest heaved when his mouth moved, wet and languid in its advance on her thigh. So frustratingly slow and gentle, his bites barely grazed her skin, making her squirm with impatience. 

 

And just when she thought his tongue would finally,  _ finally _ go where she wanted it the most, he turned his attention to her other thigh. Rey groaned, irked, as her own hand moved between her legs. She got one good rub in before he took her wrist, his eyes flashing. She moaned at the loss, but the wicked gleam in his gaze was full of unspoken promises that made her breath stutter in her lungs.

 

“So impatient.” He brought her hand against his mouth, his lush lips pressing against her hammering pulse, peppering kisses over the blue of her veins as his pretty eyelashes fluttered against her skin. He kissed the tips of her fingers next before he bestowed a final kiss inside her palm. How could such a simple gesture be so sweet and arousing at once, and ignite her body all over again? 

 

Her mind was still reeling when she laid her hand against his cheek to cradle his face. A strange current passed between them. Whether it was the Bond or something else entirely, she didn't know, but it made her insides knot regardless. Rey wanted to look away, but his intense, heavy-lidded gaze captured all of her attention. He stared down at her with an expression she could only describe as adoration. A faint tendril of discomfort churned in her chest. An emotion like that had no place on his face, aimed at her no less. 

 

She was about to…she didn’t know what she was about to do, just something-- _ anything  _ to make him stop staring at her like that, but then his hand was moving again. Rey let out a sigh of relief only for it to turn into a sharp gasp when his finger carefully brushed against her wet folds, making her hips arch up.

 

Ren stroked her slowly, fumbling as he gauged her reactions. He was such an odd man. Never showing any qualms for cutting down his enemies, he treated her body with utmost caution and gentleness in the sanctity of this room. Rey gasped.

 

“Does it--” he cleared his throat. “Do you feel good?”

 

She licked her lips. “I’m…yes. But you can--” she rose to her elbows and reached between her legs to take his hand. “Like this,” she said and guided his finger against her soaked opening. 

 

“Like this?” he asked thickly, grunting as he gently eased a finger inside, as if the action pleased him as much as her. Her lips parted with a mewl.

 

“ _ Yessss _ .” 

 

He grinned crookedly before he kissed her, cupping the back of her head with his unoccupied hand. The path of his lips led down her throat, over her chest, his hand squeezing a breast, and down her stomach. Her thighs were quivering with anticipation, her breathing flat and short, as she slowly lay down against the pillows and dug her nails into the sheets. The tips of his dark hair tickled her overwrought skin, his tongue a hot brand as he comfortably nestled between her thighs. She spread them apart just as his finger stilled. There was a fire within her lungs, a pressure that begged to be released _. _ He spread her with his thumbs, catching her heady gaze before giving her slit a languid lick that made her throw her head back with a pitiful whine. 

 

His mouth was made for this, she thought, and closed her eyes with a soft sigh. Cushioned by soft silk and downy pillows, Rey dug her heels into the curve of his back as he lapped at her with wide strokes of his tongue. She had thought it odd that people would ever enjoy an act like this. How could anyone be comfortable in this state, spread wide open and on full display. Her curiosity was unquenchable, and,  _ Force _ , she would let it happily overrule her scepticism over and over again if Ren continued to make her feel like she was flying into another plane of existence with his mouth.

 

Sparks danced along her spine, her back arching off the mattress. There was a fire within her and the sensation of his mouth, of his touch, made the flames soar higher and higher, spreading over her skin, through her veins, to the tips of her fingers and toes. 

 

“ _ Oh! _ ” Her eyes shot open, her hand burying in his thick hair. “Right there, yes.”

 

She felt his mouth curl into a smile before he teased her clit with the tip of his tongue again, coaxing her voice into high-pitched moans. For a moment she worried she was being too loud, that other guests could hear her keening cries, but then he slid a finger inside her again, and Rey really didn’t care about any other guests. Not when he finally found a steady rhythm with his fingers, his initial clumsiness making way for a fluid grace that had her pulse spiking and her vision blanking. A bead of sweat rolled down her temple.

 

The heat within her coiled tighter and tighter, leaving her a gasping, twitching mess. He lapped at her only more eagerly, finding something within her as he curled his fingers, brushing and stroking relentlessly until her orgasm engulfed her wanton body in flashes and seared through her veins. Rey moaned loudly, her head digging into the pillow beneath as her spine curved with the force of her climax.

 

She practically melted into the bed, weak and spent, her limbs still tingling when he let go of her legs. She opened her eyes--when had she even closed them?--only to see him wipe his mouth, obnoxiously smug and proud. Rey accepted his greedy kiss, groaning at the unfamiliar taste of herself on his tongue. He lay down next to her and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her towards his chest. Ren drew random patterns onto the sweaty skin of her lower back as Rey waited for her pounding heart to calm down and her breathing to return to normal. Closing her eyes, she breathed in his musky scent, tried to gather her scattered wits because Kylo Ren was cuddling her, and this was not the plan at all. 

 

Why was he so intent on being so sweet and gentle and considerate when his very nature was so cruel and full of hate? How could this man who held her so…so…lovingly be the same man who had speared his own father with that wretched, sputtering lightsaber? Who had sliced Finn’s spine nearly in half? 

 

Rey’s blood froze when Ren pressed a kiss against her forehead and  _ urgh _ , why was he doing this? 

 

“Are you alright?” he asked, voice a deep rumble that might have soothed her frayed nerves if he had been a normal man and not her mortal enemy. “You seem a bit--”

 

“I’m fine,” she cut in, finally looking into his eyes as she inwardly cursed this stupid bond that projected her feelings all over the place whenever they were this close. She didn’t need his concern, regardless of how genuine it was. What did it matter now when they would be back to trying to kill each other in a few days? 

 

She ran her hand down his chest, biting her lip at his shivering frame. Yes, she could handle this, the physical reactions. Taking a hold of his shaft, she made him hard and solid again with just a few strokes. 

 

“Let’s do this.” Maybe it wasn’t the most elegant way to phrase it, but his uncontained rumbling laughter was completely unnecessary. She would have appreciated the unfamiliar sound of it more if she wasn’t so embarrassed, and opted to glare at him instead when he rolled over to hover above her on his hands and knees. “What? You still want this, don’t you?”

 

“Yes,” he said resolutely, the humour draining out of him. He caressed her cheek, eyes wide and dark, and Rey’s heart threatened to leap out of her chest. “I want this. I want you.  _ So much _ .”

 

Rey’s breath caught in her throat at his heated declaration. Even if the proof of it didn’t rest hot and heavy on her stomach, it would have been impossible not to feel his desire. The Bond pulsed thickly with it, with his lust. He didn’t simply want her. He  _ craved  _ her.

 

She inhaled through her nose, reveling in the press of the sharp lines of his body against her curves, and tamped down on the nervousness that bubbled in her chest. She shifted a little, moved her legs farther apart for his hips to settle between them more comfortably. His cock slid against her wet folds. They shared a gasp at the sensation as he moved the tip of his erection up and down her soaked slit, hitting her clit in a way that left her mind teetering.

 

“Stop teasing.” She bit her lip, closing her eyes at the feel of his hands rubbing her breasts. They grazed her sides before he clutched her hips to angle her to his liking. 

 

“Rey, look at me.” The throaty timbre of his voice reverberated through her chest and Rey had no other choice but to stare into the blazing depths of his dark eyes as he took himself in his hand. Her breath hitched, and his free hand entwined with hers right next to her head. Squeezing it reassuringly, Rey felt a little of her anxiety abate. Her lips curved into a small smile, her heart fluttering when he smiled back, his hips grinding against her tentatively. 

 

Their gazes locked, and she waited with bated breath for him to…to do it, but he… _ what was he doing? _ She huffed, craning her neck to see why he was aimlessly poking around with his dick instead of getting it inside like he was supposed to. 

 

“Ren?” 

 

“Wait, I’m just--” he gritted out and Rey looked up into his eyes again just in time to catch a flicker of mortification before he was the one staring down with a crease between his brows.

 

Oh.

 

“Don’t tell me you don’t know where to put it…after everything.”

 

“Of course I know where to put it!” And before she could lament the thoroughly trashed mood, Ren nudged the head of his cock inside, leaving her throat as dry as the deserts of Jakku. He paused to look at her face, waiting, asking. She could only nod, words completely eluding her as she squeezed his hand. Slowly, carefully he inched himself further in and the silliness from before evaporated under the weight of his smouldering eyes, stealing her breath away.

 

Rey had expected a lot more difficulty fitting him in, but she was so wet and ready for him that it took almost no effort at all. It felt odd to be stretched like this, to be filled to the brim, to be connected with someone in the most intimate of ways. 

 

“Oh Force,” she gasped when he fully sank into her and stilled. He let out a grunt, his dark gaze searing into her soul, and she lost herself in the depths of his brown eyes. Before she knew it, their lips met in a lazy tangle of teeth and tongues.

 

Nothing could have prepared her for this, framed by his large body, the sharp jut of his hipbones digging against the inside of her thighs, and his hot breath ghosting over her cheek, her neck, their hearts thudding in sync.

 

Ren pulled his hips back before sliding back in again, letting out a groan that came from the back of his throat and rattled Rey’s ribcage. 

 

“ _ Rey _ , you feel so good. So  _ perfect _ .” 

 

She could only moan, their interlaced hands the only thing anchoring her to reality as he set an unhurried yet eager rhythm with his hips. He moved as if they had all the time in the galaxy, not just this one night with each other. Chest pressed against hers, she felt the strong wiry muscles of his abdomen flex and shift. She was lost in him, in his grunts and groans, the way he could growl the syllable of her name in different cadences and set her blood aflame. He buried his face in her neck and Rey instantly felt deprived, wanted to look him in the eyes, but couldn’t force her mouth to cooperate when he kissed and suckled on her sensitive skin there. 

 

The discomfort and pain of first-time sex she had been warned about was distinctly absent, and there was nothing but a deep, satisfying sense of gratification surging through her. The sensuous pace of his hips had her mind reeling as their sweat-slicked bodies slid against each other

 

Ren’s lips traced the shape of her jaw before pressing against her mouth again, swallowing her soft cries. Liquid fire coursed through her veins and the fluttering pressure within her belly was begging for release.  _ Faster _ , she needed him to move faster. Frantic and overwrought, she urged him on with her throaty voice, asking for  _ more _ . With a growl he released her hand to clutch her hip, angling her in a way that made him thrust faster and reach deeper within her. Her vision swam as he found a spot that had her her voice rising in octaves as he kept brushing against it again and again. It didn’t take much longer before she was careening over the edge of her climax, mewling his name.

 

Unlike before, her orgasm hit her all at once, scorching through her body in a blaze of unbridled pleasure. Supernovas burst behind her eyelids as her back arched off the mattress, her toes curling. The rhythm of his hips was off as she clenched around his cock, making him whimper, his eyes wild and burning. He came inside her, with his eyes squeezed shut and her name wrapped in the deep velvety lilt of his voice. 

 

He nearly collapsed on top of her, but managed to keep most of his weight on his elbows. Rey brought her arms around his strong shoulders, and the Force enveloped them in a drowsy content hum. She didn’t know how long they stayed like this, drowning in each other’s presence, too lazy and unwilling to move in their post-coital haze.

 

Eventually, they managed to slowly untangle their limbs, and her breath hitched anew. Ren regarded her with the softest of expressions, full of reverence and devotion, as if she was the most precious jewel in the galaxy. He brushed her hair off of her damp forehead, tracing her cheekbone with a forefinger. She was lost to his soft caresses, his sweet gentle kisses all over her face. He smiled wryly before he pulled out of her, making them gasp. He toppled down next to her, sated and out of breath. 

 

Without the sound of their coupling, the drum of her heartbeat was ridiculously loud. She pressed a palm against her chest. Her skin was still tingling, the phantoms of his touch still imprinted upon her as she shifted her legs with a shudder, feeling his fluid leak out of her. She was sticky all over, but warm, content and satisfied, and hazy with fatigue. 

 

So this was sex. Sometimes it had been described to her as something completely life changing, sometimes it had been dismissed as nothing particularly special.The novels she had read made the act sound like something magical and otherworldly, but Jessika had told her not to expect her first time to be like that. Ren moved beside her, the fine hairs on her arm rising when he ran his knuckles over her skin. Feeling absurdly happy and gleeful and satisfied, she broke into a grin that threatened to split her cheeks. Ren blinked down at her before his lips twitched into that faint unpractised smile of his, sending her heart into yet another frenzy. 

 

“Are you alright?” he asked, his delight a tangible sensation over the Bond.

 

She licked her lips. “Yes. I’m good. I mean it was really  _ good _ .”

 

“Just good?” He cracked another smile, letting his eyes rove over her face and her naked form. Unable to resist, she reached out and captured his lips in a kiss. He pulled back slightly only to rub her nose with his. Rey felt something within her constrict and squeeze.

 

“Mmm, it was amazing.” She could shamelessly admit that. He seemed pleased with her words, showering her with kisses and affection. Rey lost all sense of time and space, too wrapped up in his strong arms before reality reasserted itself.

 

“Ren,” she whispered against his lips. “I need to clean up.” 

 

“Let me fetch a towel.” 

 

He was already on his feet before she had even moved a muscle. Her gaze followed the contours of his flexed muscles, the curve of his spine, his firm ass as he padded towards the refresher. He was more confident in his nudity now, less tense as he came back with a wet towel in his hand. She reached for it but he paid her no mind, dabbing the towel against the inside of her thighs with an expression of utmost concentration, before gingerly repeating the process between her legs. 

 

Her breath caught in her throat at his gentleness, at the amber glow playing in his eyes from the lights filtering through the ceiling-high clari-crystalline. Once he was done cleaning himself up as well he used the Force to push the towel back into the refresher and settled into the bed again. 

 

“Thank you,” she murmured shyly. Her heart was too full, ready to burst. She sank into his embrace when he gathered her in his arms like the men in the romance novels did, adoring and tender. A contentedness she had never known before engulfed her body in its dozy spell.

 

He kissed her cheek, and Rey held onto him, his heartbeat a steady pulse beneath her ear. 

 

“Are you tired?” he asked, something careful and tentative in his voice. Rey smiled. 

 

“Not a chance.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That wasn't too bad for a first time right? I had actually planned for this to be far more awkward and embarrassing at first, but then it was like lol nope they're gonna have some pretty great first sex.
> 
> So what did you think?


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I wanted to post this chapter sooner, but I have been swamped by work. I want to thank all of you for your kudos and great comments. Also holy shit, guys, JJ's commentary of TFA cleared my skin. There's nothing like the director himself confirming what we have been saying all along. 
> 
> Without further ado: enjoy~~

Rey was roused from her sleep a bit later, the mattress too soft beneath her. It had taken her a few weeks until she had even gotten used to the rough bunk in her quarters on Base, far too used to the constant discomfort of the hammock she slept on in her AT-AT on Jakku. One drowsy glance at the chrono told her not even two hours had passed since they had last moved frantically against each other, hands exploring flushed sweaty skin, voices needy and hoarse with shared pleasure.

 

She took in a shuddery breath. She had wanted to be rid of the tension between them. But then she had also wanted to explore this man’s body and have his large hands explore hers in return. It was selfish and stupid, and still, Rey couldn’t bring herself to regret it. And if she had the choice to go back, she wouldn’t change anything about her decision. Her body was aglow with a pleasant soreness, a static energy running through her veins. A faint smile pulled at her lips as she gingerly turned to lie on her side, facing his sleeping form fully.

 

Ren was lying on his stomach, a mess of sprawled long limbs right next to her, his lips parted in his slumber. Even though he had been buried inside of her, the sight of his bare back and the sheet resting precariously low on his hips still made Rey’s breath hitch. He was beautiful like this. Face smooth and lax, unmarred by anger, just peaceful and at ease. Her heart rate picked up the slightest bit as she reached out and trailed the back of her hand over the bulge of his biceps. Already she could feel the heat pooling between her legs; she was insatiable, her body throbbing with want, but should she wake him?

 

She bit her lip. Once it was morning this would all come to an end, and -- her stomach churned -- they’d go back to fighting each other. Yet Rey couldn’t find it in herself to rouse him; instead she traced the bumps of his vertebrae, her touch featherlight, and her hand only stopped once it reached the twin grooves at his tailbone before she ran it up the length of his spine again. Her fingers splayed over the side of his face that was bared to her. Her brow furrowed.

 

She could leave right now; let Ren sleep and make a quick dash for it, return to D’Qar and act like she hadn’t luxuriated in bed with her enemy. Maybe she should feel more guilty, betraying her friends like this, but that emotion was somewhere buried deep within her, dull and hollow. She traced the shape of his jaw with a finger.

 

Fifteen years. Rey had wasted fifteen years on that forceforsaken planet, wishing and hoping and hungering. Rey wanted.  _ Wanted _ . Craved touch and intimacy and everything she had missed out on because there were parts to salvage, things to scavenge, all so she would live to see another day for a family that never came, that probably never wanted to come back for her to begin with. Rage, ugly and hot, cut through her mind. 

She was done living for others.

 

Rey wanted. And she would take whatever she wanted. 

 

With a sharp intake of breath Ren started to stir, the space between his eyebrows creasing as he slowly woke. She snapped her hand back just as he opened his eyes. 

 

“Sorry,” she whispered. Her anger and indignation ebbed away to be replaced by trepidation and self-consciousness. Ren raised his head from the pillow and blinked. “I didn’t mean to wake you up,” she lied. 

 

“It’s alright,” he said, voice thick with sleep, gaze glassy. He cleared his throat and the action pulled her attention to his Adam’s apple. Her skin flared with heat. He turned to lie on his side as well, baring his chiseled torso to her. There was an alertness to him now, the fatigue on his face melting away as his eyes roamed over her naked self. 

 

Rey swallowed hard.

 

She wanted. Wanted so much. Wanted him.

 

“Do you want to go back to sleep?” she asked just as she reached out again and stroked his cheek. Her heart fluttered when he leaned into the touch, closing his eyes with a pleased rumble that reverberated in his chest. 

 

“No. You?” Even the relative darkness of the room did nothing to diminish the intensity of the blazing inferno of his eyes. 

 

Her lips twitched into a serene smile, belying the mayhem within her. She shifted closer, running her ankle up his shin, and her breath caught in her throat when a wicked grin spread over his face. Her blood sang for him, and the Force twined around them warmly. The glint in his eyes was the only warning she got before he had her on her back again, kissing, tasting and pleasuring.

 

Rey wanted. And she took. And he gave.

* * *

  
  


The next time Rey woke up it was to an empty bed and messy sheets. Her eyes snapped open as she moved her legs with a wince, the blanket that had been covering her chest pooling into her lap. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes, groggily taking in the empty bedroom. Her heart plummeted down to her stomach. Had he left already? A chill went down her spine before her fingers curled into the blanket in her lap, twitching with the urge to tear holes into it. But that would be silly. She had no reason to feel so stupidly upset that he had just left. A goodbye wasn’t needed. In fact, it was vastly more preferable to an awkward morning after. Whatever, she needed a shower. She huffed to herself and clenched her fists, unfurling the blanket with a snap of her hands. 

 

The soft carpet muted the stomp of her steps, irrationally enraging her more. She hadn’t even made it halfway across the large room before the patter of the running shower made her pause, all anger draining out of her tense muscles. Her eyes widened.

 

He was still here!

 

The relief that unwound in her heart was embarrassing in how quickly it came. She didn’t even have the time to chastise herself, to tell herself that his presence just complicated matters. Her toes curled into the carpet, her shoulders slumping without the force of her annoyance. It would be smarter to get dressed, pack her things and leave while he was still busy, but Rey hadn’t been making any smart decisions since she tried to climb him like a tree on Takodana. Besides, she also needed a shower. There was no way she was going to arrive on Base smelling like sex. Her ship did have a perfectly functioning shower, but it couldn’t possibly compare to the one in this suite. When was she going to be able to enjoy such splendour ever again? If she was already here, she might as well make the best of it.

 

The door to the ‘fresher slid open before she could even touch it. A cloud of steam coiled around her as she stepped inside. Rey hadn’t had the chance to take in the refresher last night, too caught up in the frenzy of her desire to care much about the additional amenities Ren had booked for them. Unsurprisingly it was spacious, the marble floor a warm, sandy brown. The unoccupied bathtub to her right was carved into an elevated platform, two flat steps leading towards it. She breathed a little more deeply at the thought of soaking in hot water and letting her muscles relax. 

 

Rey gave the bathtub a mournful look. There was no time for that.

 

Ren’s blurred silhouette beckoned her, his strong arms moving fluidly as he washed himself. She passed the toilet, the sink, eyes transfixed on the sheer cubicle of the shower in the corner of the room. Her pulse spiked, the heat between her legs throbbing as she padded forward, but then his movements stilled and the door of transparisteel was pulled aside. Her heart thudded against her ribs, her mouth running dry at Ren’s dripping naked body. Hot water sluiced down the ridges of his taut abdomen, his hair plastered to his face as he regarded her warily. But his caution gave quickly away for burning hunger as his eyes flitted from her face down to her breasts, to her legs, settling between them briefly before he was staring into her eyes again. The dark shade of pink crawling over his cheeks had nothing to do with the steam.

 

“Is there something you wanted?” he asked with an uncertain tilt of his head. 

 

“A shower,” she replied simply, her gaze drifting unceremoniously between his legs. She waited for the guilt and self-loathing to come, to crash into her, to jolt her out of the absurdity of her action, but it never came. The sheer wrongness of the situation felt decidedly not wrong, and all she could think about was how good it had felt having him inside of her.

 

He let out a cough, shifting in place. “I will hurry up.”

 

“No need.” She shook her head, unabashedly walking straight up to him. He gasped, too startled at her audacity to say anything as she ducked under his arm and stepped beneath the stream of water. Carefully, she kept her back to him and pretended the prickling sensation that wafted down her spine was because of the heat within the shower, not because of the fervour of his stare. He let the door slide shut without a word. The cubicle was big enough for both of them to fit in easily without the risk of even an accidental touch. Rey cursed quietly to herself, eyeing the array of soaps and oils neatly stacked on the in-wall shelves. Before she could make a grab for one of the scented bars, Ren’s pale arm appeared in her periphery, long fingers wrapping around one of the bottles.

 

He squeezed some of the substance into his hand and Rey was again reminded of all the things she hadn’t had, even something as simple as this. Her back went ramrod straight when his fingers raked through her hair, lathering the shampoo into her scalp. A reprimand was on the tip of her tongue-- she hadn’t asked him to wash her hair, but she had unashamedly invaded his shower, and slowly, Rey allowed herself to relax.

 

Silence reigned as she let him coddle her; the sensation of his hands massaging her scalp was heavenly. The delicate scent of velanie flowers filled her nostrils and Rey surrendered herself with a contented sigh that morphed into a strangled yelp when his hands dipped down her shoulders. He left a trail of fire on her skin in the wake of his touch, making her shudder against his hands that rubbed the sweet flowery gel against her body. He spent a lot longer on her breasts than was necessary, her nipples beading in response. A heady thrum of arousal curled in the pit of her stomach, his side of the Bond purring smugly. His body behind her was a furnace, smouldering and searing, and she wondered if he was hard for her again.

 

She closed her eyes as he pulled her closer and she felt her sud-coiled hair loosen beneath the stream of water. He raked his fingers through her hair and Rey watched, fascinated, as the foam slid down her body and vanished down the drain until there was nothing more than clear water that was curling at her feet. She barely had a minute to contemplate the intimacy of this before his arms were winding around her waist and he was pressing himself against her back. Rey exhaled sharply.

 

Definitely hard and ready for her.

 

Her nails found purchase in his hair, making him hiss against the side of her head. Ren’s movements lost their leisurely pace, turning frantic and desperate as he bucked against her with a low groan that  had her whining, needy and wanton. A nerve in his forearm jumped with the fierceness of his grip. 

 

“What are you doing to me?” he croaked, burying his face in the crook of her neck. Rey made a questioning noise from the back of her throat, too delirious and stupid with want to care for proper words. “I never--” he growled, slipping a finger between her wet folds. Rey squeaked, the hand that was not lodged in his hair clawing at his arm as he stroked her into a frenzy. “Before I met you… I never had… never  _ wanted _ .”

 

She let out a keening sob when he easily slid his finger inside and his thumb brushed against her clit. Her walls clenched around his finger as everything else around her ceased to exist. Opposing allegiances, the dark and the light side of the Force, his crimes, and her resentment for him were of no consequence here. Nothing but the rapturous pleasure he stirred within her mattered in that moment. Nothing but the deep baritone of his voice, whispering sweetly against her ear, telling her how beautiful she was, how the noises she made were driving him crazy, how much he wanted to take her again.

 

“Please,” she whimpered, and he swiftly nudged her forward and had her planting her hands against the slippery surface of the shower stall. She was surely going to fall at this rate with her uncooperative limbs and scattered wits, but a soothing touch along her hipbone and the soft caress of the Force wrapping around her, steadying her, silenced her worries. He pressed soft kisses along the curve of her shoulder before he rubbed the head of his cock against her sensitive folds, coaxing pitiful squeals out of her. “ _ Please _ .” 

 

Begging was all she could do, and if she possessed even the faintest capacity for rational thought, she might have been thoroughly mortified by her neediness. Her eyes fluttered shut as she tilted her hips back, humming in delight at the choked curses that left his mouth. With one hand still at her hip and the other running up the slope of her spine, he finally slid inside with a grunt, slick and thick and perfect.

 

The angle was entirely different, he reached deeper within her and his thrusts were steadier, more controlled. Rey gasped and moaned, throwing her head back against his chest, nearly choking on the water that prattled down on them. She snapped her mouth shut, but there was no silencing her. Ren groaned her name, licked up her neck as he palmed her breasts and squeezed roughly. The Force hold, the only thing keeping her upright on her tiring legs, quivered with Ren’s dwindling control. Rey slapped her hand against the fogged up transparisteel in front of her with a sharp cry. Ren’s hand at her hip sneaked between her legs, brushing against her clit. 

 

The fluttering sensation in the pit of her stomach coiled tightly before it burst in a blast of heat. Her climax surged through her with blinding, sizzling vigor, and the Bond sang. The phantom of his mounting pleasure curled around her as Ren rammed into her with renewed urgency, chasing his own orgasm. Rey moaned, wrenching one hand from the surface of the stall to make a blind grab for his hip, meeting him thrust for thrust. He came while chanting her name against her neck, his body going slack against her back when his voice was hoarse from shouting. 

 

It was only through sheer force of will that she managed to stay upright despite her shaky legs. Rey whimpered when he pulled out of her but did nothing else to detach himself from her sensitive body, just held her to his chest. He nuzzled some of her hair away from her neck and kissed her there, sighing softly against her skin. She didn’t know how long they stood there beneath the shower stream and let the water wash all traces of sex off, but her pruny fingers told her that it was enough already. Even if she hadn’t felt this at peace for a long time, her scavenger instincts stirred, reprimanding her for being so wasteful with something as precious as water. 

 

Reluctantly she pulled away from him and turned the shower off with a flick of her fingers. 

 

“We should get dressed,” she muttered, suddenly bashful under his questioning gaze. She stepped out of the cubicle and summoned two towels with the Force, wrapping one of them around her naked frame. Without sparing him a glance, she handed him the other one.

 

“Rey, wait.” Ren’s hand went to her shoulder, turning her around to face him. His eyes were dark, wild, his lips parted with whatever he had been meaning to say. He made a frustrated sound instead, his teeth burying in his plump bottom lip before his other hand took her free shoulder. Rey’s breath hitched in her throat as he pulled her closer, ducking his head to claim her lips in a bruising kiss. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she melted against his chest. “When do you have to leave?” he asked hurriedly against her mouth before kissing her again, softly this time. 

 

“Mmm, I was going to leave now.” His fingers dug against her lower back, the sensation dulled by the towel hugging her skin. 

 

“Does the Resistance allow its most powerful combatants only two days of leave?” he scoffed, his snide voice at odds with him sweetly pressing a kiss against her temple. 

 

“No, in fact I asked for five days, but the General gave me ten standard days of vacation,” Rey huffed. His small kisses stilled as he took a deep breath, his chest expanding shakily with it as if he was steeling himself for something. A large hand cupped her chin and tilted her head up.

 

“And you’re going to leave now,” he said, running his other hand through his wet hair. 

 

She blinked. “Y-yes.”

 

His jaw clenched as he briefly looked away.  “And now we will be able to meet each other on the battlefield as proper enemies.”

 

His gaze was on her again, and Rey felt her stomach drop. She bit her lip, staring down at her feet, watching the water drip down her calves as she clutched the towel closer to her chest. The mere mention of fighting each other was ridiculous. Why would he even bring it up now? When they were both naked. She licked her lips, not missing how Ren seemed to be transfixed by the gesture. Rey gulped hard and tried to put as much resoluteness into her voice as she could.

 

“Well, yes. That was the whole point of--” she gestured between them before letting her hand dangle, “--this.” 

 

“Of course. Do you think--” he let out a jittery breath, “--do you think that it might be more beneficial if we… extended our stay here.”

 

No. It was on the tip of her tongue. She just had to say it because she couldn’t compromise the Resistance any further after committing such treason already. She had to leave! She had been foolish and had spent too much time with him. Her eyes narrowed as she shook her head, feeling the Force buzz around her, gentle and comforting. Ren had his head bowed, his fists clenched, avoiding looking anywhere near her face. 

 

“I understand if you don’t wish to,” he suddenly said, wrapping the towel around his hips with an air of dejection. 

 

“How long?” Rey ducked her head and squeezed her eyes shut, cursing silently under her breath. Looking up with heated eyes, Rey asked, “For how long should we extend this trip?”

 

It took him a few seconds to gather his bearings and shake his surprise off. He cleared his throat, a tentative smile spreading over his face. 

 

“You said you were permitted a leave of ten standard days. I think we should make the best use of them.”

 

“And you can just stay away for that long? Won’t your precious Order miss you?” She crossed her arms over her chest.

 

“Let me worry about that,” he said, frowning. She mirrored his frown and planted her feet further apart, though all pretense of appearing intimidating was lost in her relative nudity. 

 

“So we’re just going to spend the whole week having sex? Do we just go our separate ways in the day and meet up in the night here?” She scrunched up her nose. It was one thing to spend just one night together that was supposed to be done and over with come morning where no further communication was needed, but an extended stay just complicated things, and it would be perhaps better just to go out of each other's way to avoid any ugly confrontations. 

 

“I was thinking we should probably eat first before we discuss further details.” He brushed past her without so much as a glance, his hurried steps carrying him out of the ‘fresher. Rey blinked dumbly. Right. He needed to eat, too, because he was, in fact, not a wraith who kept himself sustained by eating sun matter or devouring the souls of those he killed.

 

Not an actual monster. Human. 

 

A shiver ran down her spine as she followed him to the bedroom, the filtered cool air making goose bumps rising on her chilled skin. 

 

* * *

  
  


Rey hadn’t put too much thought into where they would be eating. She had just assumed that they would find a nearby diner and enjoy their breakfast in silence, too caught up in the bizarre reality where she was going to have breakfast with Kylo Ren to think too much about the location. 

 

She nearly choked on her breath when Kylo Ren led her through a large door. The white of the interior of the hotel’s restaurant nearly blinded her and she would have probably turned on her heel and run all the way back out if it weren’t for his hand on the small of her back guiding her inside. The room was vast, spacious and encased by clari-crystalline so impeccably clean and clear that Rey thought for a moment that there was nothing but air separating the restaurant from Coruscant’s skylanes. She tried not to stare, tried not to be even more conspicuous when she was decidedly so underdressed for this place and had already garnered more than a few passing judgmental glances her way. But she couldn’t keep her eyes off the ring of suspended transparisteel bubbles that twined to a glistening chandelier in the center.  

 

There was a lump in her throat when they seated themselves on plush comfortable chairs that were as white as everything else in this room. Ren looked too big for the chair he was sitting on, but Rey bit her lip and kept her eyes on the table in front of her, ignoring the prickling sensation at the back of her neck. She might as well have been dressed in tatters, and while Ren’s sleek blue shirt and black trousers looked better than her worn tunic, his attire still couldn’t compare to the fancy bejeweled gowns and shirts the other patrons wore. 

 

They should go. What if someone recognized them? It wasn’t entirely impossible. They stood out. Rey had chosen such a crowded planet as Coruscant so they wouldn’t stick out as two strangers on a more remote planet would have, but Ren might have as well presented their affair on a silver platter for all of Galactic City to see. Before she could say anything on the matter a screen in the table flared to life with the menu in Galactic Standard. She sucked in a harsh breath and her head snapped up.

 

“Ren,” she hissed, startling him in his seat. He blinked. “We can’t eat here!”

 

He cocked his head to the side, dark curls falling over his eyes. “Why not?”

 

“Because,” she closed her eyes and exhaled through her nose, “I don’t have enough credits on me.” The embarrassment was sharp and acute and Rey wished she could just fling herself out of this place, but then she’d probably just embarrass herself more by bouncing off the sturdy clari-crystalline instead. It was humiliating enough to admit this, calling attention to what she was: just a scavenger who happened to be blessed with Force sensitivity. There was no way she could afford even the cheapest of drinks on the menu, let alone a proper meal. 

 

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Ren said, waving a hand. “I chose this place and I will cover both of our expenses.”

 

She pursed her lips, still uneasy. 

 

“Alright,” she eventually said. “But I will pay next time. And pick the place.” 

 

“Next time? I’m looking forward to it.” He smirked.

 

Rey closed her eyes, cursing herself. She had just derailed her own plan of spending as little time with him as possible outside of their activities in bed. Heaving a sigh, she glanced at the menu. Her mouth watered at the assortment of panna cakes and breads and omelettes, fruits and berries, some of them familiar, some she had only heard of and had been desperate to taste. While the meals provided by the Resistance were not varied, they were better than anything she had had on Jakku. Whenever there had been excursions to other planets, Poe would make sure to take her and Finn to a cantina or bar and have them try out new drinks and dishes. These trips were few and far in between, but she nevertheless appreciated Poe’s efforts.

 

Yet, Rey still couldn’t shake off her discomfort at the high prices despite Ren’s assurances, and glumly reached to the screen to tap the least expensive dish. Or she would have if Ren’s hand didn’t curl over her own, freezing it in place. Her heart jumped into her throat at the warmth that radiated to the tips of her fingers, and soon engulfed her whole body.

 

“What are you doing?” she asked thickly, jaw taut. He released her hand with a suddenness that startled her, as if he hadn’t realized himself what he had been doing.

 

Ren cleared his throat. “Allow me to order for you.”

 

“Why? I’m capable of doing that on my own. Don’t worry, I may be just a scavenger, but I know how to read.”

 

“That’s not… I didn’t mean to imply… I just--” he groaned, a look of dire helplessness crossing his face. “I wanted to suggest that we order a bit of everything?”

 

“A bit of everything? Can you do that?” she asked, her ire abating. He nodded, and unable to resist, she relented. She let Ren handle their order and leaned back in her seat, gazing around the room, watching the other patrons engrossed in their own conversations. For the first time since they stepped inside the restaurant, Rey allowed herself to relax. Nobody was paying them any mind.

 

A bit of everything turned out to be a lot more than Rey could have ever imagined. Their food was served to them by three service droids as a fourth arranged numerous vases filled to the brim with gorgeous flowers of stunning reds and pinks and yellows amongst the plates of food. Rey’s jaw nearly dropped open, her nostrils overwhelmed by the sweet scent of berries and bread and blossoms alike. 

 

“Oh!” Her eyes lit up. “I didn’t think flowers were a part of breakfast.” 

 

Ren caught her gaze briefly before looking away. Her mouth curved into a wide and unrestrained smile.

 

“They’re beautiful,” she whispered, fondly stroking a pink petal. One of her favourite colours. Similar to the stunning sunsets on Jakku, vibrant and beautiful, bathing even the dreary drab desert in pretty pink hues. 

 

Ren blinked and shook his head. “I’m... I’m pleased you like them. Let’s eat.”

 

She dug into the first thing she got her hands on with gusto. Not sparing the knife and fork a single glance, she rolled the flat cake together, unheeding of the sticky thick carbosyrup drenching her fingers. The first bite made her moan quietly and she thought to savour it a little more, but the fluffy sweet cake practically melted on her tongue and Rey couldn’t contain herself. She chewed quickly, loudly, licking the syrup from her fingers, before she went for the next plate. Another cake that tasted a little sweet and a little tart at once. She was done with it in a matter of seconds and scooped up the bit of cream that was on the plate with her fingers, sucking it off her fingers one by one. Smiling from ear to ear, she made a grab for the next plate, leaning in closely to smell the aroma of the omelette before she looked across the table at Ren.

 

“What kind of--”

 

A high-pitched giggle cut through her question. Rey whipped her head around to the table that was the closest to theirs. Occupied by four people, two of them blue-skinned twi’leks, one female and the other male, a male zabrak and a human, they weren’t even trying to hide their stares towards Rey. Absently Rey wiped some residue of the blue cream from her chin, eliciting another round of barely restrained laughter from the other table. Oh.

 

Heat crawled across her cheeks as she felt her heart drop down to her stomach. Mortified, she averted her eyes to her hands, her fingers still sticky with syrup and cream. She could hear them whisper,  _ loudly _ , making fun of her. _ Savage _ , they called her. She stiffened; they weren’t wrong, were they? Couldn’t even eat her food properly, but what did they know? Didn’t know that every last drop and crumb on Jakku counted, and she’d lick her plate clean just to savour her meagre meal more. She gulped, eyeing the fork and knife in front of her warily. She had seen the General eat with them once when she had invited Rey and Finn to dine with her in her personal quarters right after Finn had been cleared from the medbay.  

 

The giggling and barely hushed derision died out suddenly. Despite her better judgment, she looked back only to see the four occupants, pale-faced and frightened, avoiding even glancing in her direction. The Force was twirling around her, dark and possessive, and for a moment her pulse spiked with panic. 

 

“Ren?” She glanced up at him, his vicious glare and clenched fists making her draw in a shaky breath. It appeased her only a little that his fury was not directed at her, but there was a deeply buried part within her that  _ liked  _ this. Ren being defensive in her regard, his anger so potent and palpable that it silenced four people at once. However--

 

“Ren, stop it,” she hissed, nudging his shin with the tip of her boot. He clenched his fists, deep brown eyes softening when they fell on her. “This is entirely unnecessary.”

 

“They upset you,” he stated simply.

 

Her heart fluttered, but she shrugged, trying to tamp down the sensation altogether. “It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to act like this on my behalf. I can handle myself, and scaring the people around us half to death will only draw more attention to us.”

 

He looked like he wanted to argue with her. Ren’s ferocious glare in that moment had her mind flashing back to a snow-covered forest, his anger so intense and vicious that it almost suffocated her. He was still a dangerous man and his sweetness in the bedroom didn’t change any of that. 

 

“They’re gartro eggs,” he said, putting his knife and fork down. “They’re delicious. You should also try these.” He grabbed one of the smaller pastries with chunks of reddish-orange fruit in the dough. “Muja muffins.” He bit into it and chewed with an open mouth, smacking his lips like she did before. He held the plate out to her and Rey readily took one of the muffins, eager to take her mind to the safe topic of food. Grinning against the warm cake scooped in her hands, she took a bite large enough that a little less than half of it was left, all self-consciousness gone and forgotten with her mouth so full that chomping was quite the struggle. 

 

“You look ridiculous,” Ren snorted, eyes twinkling, a gentle smile curving his mouth. He flopped the rest of the pastry into his mouth in one piece. Rey made a face at him as she chewed with puffed-out cheeks. The rest of their breakfast passed with amiable if awkward chitchat; he would present her with a dish and explain its specifics if it was unfamiliar, and she would eat everything. Her favourite ended up being the rolled-up bread cooked in melted brown yyeger sugar and stuffed with various fillings. She enjoyed the ones filled with cream and Juna berries the best. 

 

“Pouring that much milk and sugar into it destroys the purpose of drinking caf,” Ren said, scrunching up his nose as she tossed a third cube of sugar into her cup. Rey shrugged and inhaled the aromatic and bitter fragrance of her beverage. The first time she had tried it on D’Qar after concluding that it had to be everyone’s favourite drink in the Resistance, Rey had almost spat it back out again, had wondered how anyone managed to keep something that tasted like acid down. Jessika had taken pity on her and suggested Rey put some sweetener into her caf.

 

“I like sweet things.”  

 

“Yes, I deduced that much.” 

 

“How can you drink it without any sweetener at all,  _ urgh _ .”

 

He flashed her a smirk and raised his cup towards her, making sure she saw the deep black  _ bitter  _ liquid before he took a big gulp of it. Rey shuddered, grimacing at him. 

 

“Gross.”

 

He only made a show of slurping more loudly, grinning against the rim of his cup. 


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're both nerds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am as always immensely grateful for the feedback this story is getting. Even if I dont reply to all of your reviews, I just want you to know that I appreciate each and all of them <3
> 
> I signed up for the Reylo Gift Exchange btw so that fic is going to have priority until it's done. And I'm super excited for it!!! But this story won't be abadoned of course ;)
> 
> Also shoutout to Subway Sandwiches for inspiring the food in this chapter!

The viewscreen had an odd green flicker to it and Rey chose to focus on that and the assortment of holobooks instead of Ren’s unease in the small store they found themselves in. The human clerk behind the counter couldn’t be bothered to pay them more than his passing attention, already attuned to a slow business day. A weekly interplanetary market was roaring outside. Other than Ren and her, there was only a Mon Calamari on the opposite side of the store skittishly browsing through the store’s databank. 

 

Her new green hand-carved leather satchel hung heavily from her shoulder, filled to the brim with little trinkets and souvenirs for her friends. She had managed to bargain the price of the pretty bag down to half the credits that the Sullustan trader was initially selling it for, while Ren had been awkwardly hovering in her vicinity. 

 

In fact, awkwardly hovering in her vicinity was all Ren had been doing after they had hailed an air taxi from The Elite and found themselves in the mid levels of the planet. The weird energy between them -- that was neither the tension that led them to sleep with each other nor the nervousness before they slept with each other -- annoyed her more than she cared to admit. 

 

Rey worked her jaw as she selected some of the titles that caught her eye.  _ Starfighters of the Galaxy _ , _ Mandalorians: Identity and Language,  _ and _ The Anthropology of Engineering _ . Unable to resist, she also tapped on the newest installment of the  _ Offworlder  _ series. She would still be within the frame of credits she had planned to spend today if she purchased only these four, but then her finger was hovering on another title.  _ The First Great Schism - The Formation of the Sith?  _ by Karreal Doneeta. She scrunched up her nose as she skimmed the summary and the first chapter. Written by someone who seemed to have only a passing grasp on the workings of the Force, this pop holobook would be a waste of precious credits. 

 

Master Luke had given her the incomplete holocron of Awdrysta Pina, the Grand Master who led the forces of the old Jedi Order against the dissenters that split from the Order and called themselves the Legions of Lettow. Awdrysta Pina, who expressed sympathy for his enemies and a love for battle and bloodshed.  _ What an odd Jedi _ , she recalled thinking at the time, and wondered about the finer details of why the dissenter Xendor had rejected the Jedi Order. Rey bit her lip and pressed her finger against the screen to store the book on her datachip. Maybe it would provide her at least a little more information on the matter. 

 

Rey was thirsty for knowledge, wanted to know everything there was to know, and couldn’t help but be nearly overwhelmed with the range of books and texts that were now at her disposal. She had made the best of what she had on Jakku, but now nothing was standing in her way to learn about the languages and species and history of the galaxy. Finn would joke that she went through books faster than through her food. 

 

Ren was already regarding her expectantly when she pulled her datachip out of its slot. She flushed a deep red, wondering if he had seen the books she had picked. But his eyes were entirely nonjudgmental if impatient when she nodded at him. The clerk took her credit chip with the same enthusiasm he had been guarding the store before handing it back to her. Rey slipped both the data and credit chip into her satchel, full of anticipation at having more to add to her collection of books. 

 

There was a little bounce in her steps when they exited the store, something that Ren didn’t seem to miss. 

 

Outside, the market was roaring with bustling activity. Vendors and traders were shouting in languages she knew and didn’t know, but itched to learn, about their products. 

One stall, manned by three Rodians, was selling lovely colourful scarves of silk and satin. Another one was offering thick furs and leather from the most well-bred banthas in the entire galaxy. Niima had never had this much of an array of products to offer, only traders from offworld providing a little variety. 

 

“So…what did you purchase?” Ren asked after a while of pushing through the throngs of people. 

 

Rey perked up. “Oh, um, just a few texts that sounded interesting.  _ Starfighters of the Galaxy  _ and a book about Mandalorian culture and language. Oh! And the new part of the  _ Offworlder  _ series is out, too!”

 

“What is the  _ Offworlder  _ series?” 

 

She stumbled a little. “It’s, um, it’s about this woman, Brianna, who is on an expedition with her husband on Dathomir, and somehow because of the planet’s magic she finds herself on a foreign planet in another galaxy altogether, and she is trying to find her way back to her husband. But she spends years in this galaxy and slowly the planet and its people become a second home to her. And there’s this other man she meets…and it’s complicated.” 

 

“So it’s a fictional story?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. She nodded, pressing her lips into a thin line, and he hummed. “I used to collect books,” he said, making her head snap up. He waved a hand around, but refused to look at her, something like unease wafting through the Bond.

 

“Why didn’t you buy any at the shop then?”

 

“I mean real books, Rey. The printed kind.”

 

“Printed? You mean on flimsi?”

 

“No.” He grinned, finally looking down at her, excitement glinting in his dark eyes. Rey’s breath hitched in her throat. “On paper.”

 

“Paper?” She blinked. 

 

“Yes! Paper! They were used by the Zhell during the Early Hyperspace Age, or the Pre-Republic Era, by which I mean the Old Republic. They were a people indigenous to Coruscant, and are presumed to be the precursors of the human race. But compared to other more advanced civilizations like the Rakata or Kiliks, the Zhell were more primitive and didn’t have the same technology at their disposal. They put their history on record with print.” 

 

Ren had started to gesture wildly with his hands. There was an unbridled enthusiasm on his face she had never seen before. Even someone like Kylo Ren could derive pleasure from things that weren’t connected to bloodshed it seemed. Rey barely knew the recent history of the galaxy, something she strived to rectify, but Kylo Ren was talking about peoples and civilizations she had never heard of with such casual flippancy that it made her wonder how much more he knew.

 

“Paper, however, is not very durable, so I had to take certain measures to preserve the books and documents.”

 

“Oh?” Rey’s mouth quirked into a smile. She clasped her hands behind her back, sighing against the fresh breeze that ruffled her hair and cooled her skin. “What kind of measures?”

 

“I had to make sure to store them in a clean, dry and draft-free space to protect them from environmental influences. Light, heat and moisture all contribute to their deterioration. So I put them in durapolyethylene enclosures to protect them from further damage.”

 

Ren beamed down at her with such tangible delight that Rey’s heart threatened to catapult itself out of her body. Her stupid body needed to stop betraying her like this. He was still her enemy, even if he was being more endearing than he had the right to be. 

 

Torn between unease and amusement, she muttered, “That doesn’t sound like a dark sider thing to do.”

 

He made an odd strangled sound as he tensed up. His strides became more rigid, and Rey knew she had already said the wrong thing. So much for trying to make smalltalk with her enemy. They should stick to talking about food. Or not talk at all. She heaved a sigh, resigning herself to another bout of awkward silence and curious stolen glances. Nighttime couldn’t come quickly enough. Or maybe they should just stick to having sex the whole day with a few breaks in between to eat.

 

“I used to do this before I joined the First Order.”

 

It was Rey’s turn to tense up. Right. Before the First Order. Before, when he was called Ben Solo. Or was it Ben Organa?

 

“I see,” she said, refusing to look at him. The Bond wobbled, shaky and unsettled. 

 

The silence returned and settled over them like a sheet of snow. She could feel his stare, but she kept her eyes glued to the stalls at her right, unseeing. Until they passed one with a Chagrian with light blue skin, dressed in vibrant crimson robes. He was gesturing wildly with gem-encrusted fingers at the sparkling crystals and stones all beautifully woven into necklaces, rings, bracelets and circlets. 

 

The breath left Rey’s lungs in a delighted gasp as she stopped to stare, earning herself a few disgruntled words from the pedestrians behind her. She barely noticed them bumping against her as they went around her still body. 

 

“How can I help you, Miss?” The Chagrian was suddenly in front of her, hands clasped together, the golden spheres wrapped around his horns glinting. 

 

“Oh, I was just looking,” Rey said, letting her gaze sweep over the necklaces that hung on a black satiny board. Vivid greens and blues and reds and yellows shimmered against the dark fabric. 

 

Maybe she could buy just one? Maybe not a necklace but a ring? She looked down at the pristine transparisteel case that held the rings all securely held by the same satiny substance as the necklaces on the board. Maybe one with a small gem? The tiniest? How was she supposed to pick one! Everything was so pretty!

 

Pretty...and things she didn’t really need.

 

“They’re so beautiful!” Rey beamed up at the vendor. 

 

“Ah, thank you, Miss,” the Chagrian said, grinning. “All of the items are crafted by hand, every stone and metal carefully inspected and chosen. Only the best for my customers. Like this one--” he took a thin silver chain with a pale blue gem shaped like a drop of water from the board, and held it out to her. “Rylothian aquamarine.”

 

Transfixed, Rey gently ran her finger over the surface of the stone. “So pretty.”

 

“Isn’t it?” The Chagrian said. “It would look lovely on you.”

 

Rey withdrew her hand with a frown. “I don’t think I would ever wear it.” 

 

She shouldn’t be contemplating spending so many credits on something so...so superfluous. But the General liked to wear her rings even if she was commanding her men to battle. 

 

“Maybe you would prefer something a little more subdued?” 

 

Despite her better judgement, Rey let her gaze sweep over the board of necklaces again before one of them caught her eye, pale glinting stones that shouldn’t be as captivating as they were with their dull colour.

 

“What about that one?”

 

“Ah, the Lothalian moonstone.” The Chagrian smiled and retrieved the necklace with swirling silver tendrils like the boughs of a tree attached to three round white gems that gave off an iridescent blue shimmer. Smaller, vibrant green stones were attached to the moonstones, contrasting prettily with their paler colour. “Do you travel a lot, Miss?” Rey nodded. “Perfect. The Lothalians also call it the traveler’s stone. If you keep one close, you will be safe on your travels. But then they also say that it is the crystal for first love… or was it secret love? Everyone tells a different tale,” he sighed, aiming his gaze over her shoulder. “I think we can agree that it would be a beautiful gift to receive.”

 

Rey bit her lip, fingers wrapped around the strap of her satchel. 

 

“How much?” Ren’s deep voice cut in.

 

“What?!” Her head whipped around, eyes incredulous. Rey’s mouth threatened to unhinge completely from her face as Ren gave the gleeful Chagrian his credit chip to scan. It was a simple interaction that took only a few seconds, but Rey’s brain felt as mushy as it did whenever she hadn’t been able to follow Master Luke’s more advanced theories on the Force. The pretty pendant was put into an equally pretty black case, and they were already old news to the Chagrian when he bid them a chipper goodbye before turning this attention to the next potential customers. 

 

“Would you like to wear it now?”

 

“What...why--” she shook her head. “Why did you buy that?”

 

“You wanted it, didn’t you?” His long fingers tapped restlessly against the black case. 

 

“No! I mean yes! But why would you spend your credits on buying jewelry for me?”

 

She understood that his genteel upbringing prompted him to book the most luxurious of hotel rooms for them, she could grasp that since he had picked the place himself, he was also honorbound to pay for the food that was provided by the hotel. But fancy, expensive jewelry?! Just what was Ren playing at? 

 

Was this his attempt to lure her to the dark side? Did he think she was that easy to manipulate? Maybe this whole  _ thing _ was his attempt to exact his influence on her subtly since asking her directly had backfired on him as that pretty scar on his face proved. Maybe the hotel and the nice food were his attempt to prey on everything she never had and use it against her. He had been in her head after all. 

 

Maybe she had overestimated her ability to read him. What if he was perfectly capable of deceiving her and was putting on an act? The act of a soft, gentle man who liked to buy his sweetheart a gift. 

 

“Because I want to,” he snapped.

 

“I’m your enemy!”

 

“We aren’t enemies. Not now. Not until our truce ends in nine days.” His bit his lip, averting his gaze to his boots. “If you don’t wish to wear it, I will take it back.”

 

There it was again, the note of dejection in his voice as if it was going to truly upset him should she reject his gift. Rey’s throat felt too tight to breathe. She inhaled deeply, her scattered thoughts clearing into the thread of reassurance that this was going to end soon. They had both agreed to this, and she could leave any time, but chose to stay. It wasn’t worth it to start a fight with Ren over this. 

 

“No,” she said eventually, “You don’t have to take it back. I would like to keep...your present. Thank you.”

 

He regarded her warily before he handed the case over. They stood silently at the side of the stall in their own small niche. Rey’s breath stuttered in her lungs when she looked upon the necklace again. It was truly gorgeous. Ren took the case from her hands as she carefully fumbled to clasp the chain around her neck. It took her four tries until the hook clicked into place, and the pendant rested comfortably on her breastbone. The swirling unease and wariness in her belly melted away, and seldom-felt giddiness enveloped her body. Her lips curved into a bright smile. Every little move she made gave the milky white stones a different kind of shimmer. 

 

“So beautiful.” She stroked the tiny stones with a finger, marvelling at how the emeralds seemed to dazzle. 

 

“Lovely,” Ren breathed.

* * *

 

After two additional hours of strolling through the market, Rey's stomach had started to growl, loudly enough that Ren had picked it up over the noise of the people. He had insisted on returning to the hotel and having their lunch at the restaurant again, but this time Rey had persisted and stood her ground. As tempting as it was to try more of the food at the fancy restaurant, she would provide them their meal now. After much deliberation, Rey had simply scoured through the holonet to pick a reasonably priced diner with good food and ended up going with one that specialized in sandwiches. Ren had suggested that they could take their food to go and eat it at a nearby park he knew to be beautiful.

 

The thermal basket was heavy on her lap and had cost her more credits than the sandwiches it was keeping warm inside. The vibrations of the air taxi's machinery coaxed her into a brief interlude of relaxation, the beautiful pendant she didn't have the heart to take off yet resting heavily against her skin. Ren kept stealing glances at her, his cheek propped up lazily on his palm as his eyes roved over the skylane with feigned disinterest. The trip was over too soon, and before Ren could say anything about it, Rey handed her credit chip to the pilot.

 

Ren was waiting for her with a scowl on his face, arms crossed, muscles bulging, and it was just  _ unfair _ . Rey gulped down the heat that threatened to envelop her body. She gripped the basket with both of her hands before she ended up doing something crude. She licked her lips. There would be time for that later.

 

Heavy, large iron gates loomed in front of them. What kind of gardens were these supposed to be? Secluded and hidden away behind closed doors. A prickle of unease ran down her neck, but the droid at the gates was entirely unmenacing and impeccably polite, reminding her eerily of Threepio, and took and scanned Ren's credit chip without further ado. What?

 

She blinked.

 

“You have to pay to see the park?” she hissed, eyes narrowing. Unperturbed, Ren shrugged.

 

“It's a private property that has been passed down from mother to daughter for hundreds of generations. They put a lot of effort and resources into maintaining the plants on a filthy planet like Coruscant.”

 

“Why didn't we just go to a public park then? I'm sure there are some in Galactic City. There's no need--”

 

“It'll be worth it.”

 

The gates creaked open with the rhythmic pulling of heavy chains, and Rey felt herself catapulted into a story told ages ago on a planet lost to time.

 

Her breath stilled in her lungs and her grip on the basket loosened. She barely noticed Ren pulling her over the threshold by her elbow, hazel eyes wide and awed. A path of sand and purple petals stretched in front of them as more petals gently rained down on them from above. Flowers in shades of mauve, lavender and cream and violet and pink cascaded around and above them. A tunnel of flowers to lead the way. Rey breathed in their sweet scent, smiled at the petals that fell on her head. How was this place real?

 

“And?” Ren regarded her with a smug tilt of his head, an eyebrow raised.

 

“This place is beautiful!” Rey exclaimed, grinning widely, and then continued, more subdued, “and maybe worth paying for.”

 

“I told you.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Ren's eyes twinkled with mirth.

 

* * *

 

 

They found a grassy patch to sit just under another impressive dome of pink wisterias. The basket rested between them as she took a moment to breathe in the clean filtered fresh air, and the sweet scent of lovely flowers. Ren's long legs were sprawled in front of him, dark lashes fluttering when he closed his eyes with a sigh. 

 

Rey pressed the button of the thermal basket and the lid snapped open with a hiss. Her nostrils were invaded by the smell of the warm bread and roasted meat. Her mouth watered as she made a random grab for one of the sandwiches and tossed another one to Ren. Rey tore through the wrapping viciously before she took a large bite from the bread. She let out a moan. It tasted nothing like the breakfast they had at the restaurant, but the roasted thick-cut carved nuna meat was delicious nonetheless, with the sweet Blimm mustard melting on her tongue and the crisp vegetables crunching between her teeth. 

  
She didn't know how she could go back to eating the food at the Resistance base after having a taste of this. Maybe there was a planet close by to D'Qar that sold food like this. Rey wolfed her sandwich down in just a few bites, nearly choking around a chunk of nuna when it got stuck in her throat. She coughed into her palm, her throat burning, but then there was a bottle of Blumberry juice held towards her. Ren quirked an eyebrow as Rey took the bottle gratefully, washing the rest of her sandwich down with the sticky sweet nectar. 

  
“Thank you,” she rasped, pounding her hand against her heart. 

  
“Don't mention it,” he said, his lips twitching.    
  


Rey stretched her legs out in front of her before she took the next sandwich out of the basket, discreetly looking at Ren. He was a slow eater, something she hadn't noticed as much back in the restaurant because she had been too busy marveling at the feast in front of her. The bites he took were small, meticulous, prim even, and entirely at odds with a man of his build and stature.

 

She was well halfway through her gartro egg sandwich with tangy emulsauce, Boontaspiced mustard, taba leaves and Serrian salt before he was nearly done with his first. 

  
“What's in yours?” she asked, wiping some of the sauce from the corner of her mouth, too gratified to feel self-conscious about her eating manners. He swallowed before he spoke.   
  


“Nerf steak with nebula onions,” he said smoothly. Rey couldn't hide her longing look entirely. 

 

“Would you like to have a bite?”    
  


There really wasn't much more to have than the last bite of the sandwich, but Rey nodded regardless, unable to resist the spicy aroma. She didn't even get a chance to extend her hand as Ren scooted closer, holding the portion up to her mouth.   
  


“Open up.”

  
And Rey did, a little cautious and a little confused why she let him feed her. Nevertheless, she was still unabashedly loud when she chewed, wishing she had ordered at least two samples of the same sandwich. 

  
“Would you like some of my gartro sandwich?” she asked just to be polite, and was surprised when he nodded and bent his head down to take a bite. Her heart skipped a beat and Rey made sure to ignore the way it began to beat frantically in her chest cavity. Ren chewed slowly, the space between his brows creasing. “What?” She hid her faint smile behind the bread. “Don't you like it, Lord Ren?” 

  
“It's alright,” he said, voice gruff, looking vaguely bashful, but then rummaged through the basket for another sandwich. 

  
Their meal passed mostly in silence, but for once it didn't put her on edge. The Bond was warm and open, peaceful, and Rey couldn't remember the last time she had felt so relaxed and happy and unburdened. Even if her temporary Not Enemy was right beside her, the war was only a small fleck of discomfort at the edge of her thoughts. It was hard to think about the First Order and the Resistance, when she was surrounded by flowers and was wearing a beautiful piece of jewelry she would have never hoped to ever possess. 

 

Her belly was full, but she couldn't stop eating. Another novelty, eating because she enjoyed food, because she simply could eat, still full of appetite even if her hunger had abated. Nobody was there to unfairly limit her meals, nobody that attempted to make her pliable by withholding precious sustenance. 

  
She and Ren kept feeding each other small bits and pieces of their food, and Rey found the Endorian chicken sandwich with crisp green pepper and spicy drezzle sauce he was eating particularly delicious. After the fifth bite she had asked for, he had sighed and offered to switch with her. Rey grinned and thrust the cooling buns with the cooling fillet of flaky frella fish and sea cabbage into his large palms. Seafood didn't appeal to her apparently, even if she had liked the taste of the Iskalonian tartar sauce. 

  
The air had cooled down a little by the time they were done, leaving the basket completely empty. Her belly was bloated, her limbs heavy as her eyes kept drifting shut with comfortable drowsiness. They were both lazily sprawled out on the ground, watching the dome of wisterias above them, artificial light filtering through the petals, warming her face. The Bond was like a pleasant caress, loose and sloppy, mirroring their mutual lethargy. 

 

There had always been a storm of emotions between them, but now there was nothing but peace. She wanted to capture this moment and hold it close to her heart and never give it away. It was a treacherous admission that her mind allowed to slip through her defenses weakened by good food and pretty flowers, the gleaming stones dangling from her neck, and a man who had worshipped her body with his hands and mouth.

 

Only nine days to go, and it would all end. 

 

She heaved a heavy sigh, any contentedness slipping out of her as her throat grew tight and clotted with unease. She chanced a glance towards Ren, only to find his eyes closed, his large hands folded over his stomach. He wasn’t asleep exactly. She would have known, but his breathing was even, his face peaceful, his lips looking utterly kissable. It was tempting to crawl over and to mount him right here and now among a canopy of green and pink and purple. They hadn’t tried that position yet which was entirely unfair, but she didn’t want to disturb him. Not yet at least. 

 

Instead she unzipped her satchel and pulled out her holopad, inserting the datachip. The holo flared to life and Rey diligently scrolled through her list of new texts before she settled on  _ The First Great Schism _ . Her first impression of the book had been correct. The author weaved a tale of love and deception, about Awdrysta Pina and Xendor fighting over an unnamed woman instead of fundamental disagreements about the structure and rules of the Jedi Order. Rey was certain that the woman in question was probably supposed to be Arden Lyn, Xendor’s partner and lover, but Pina’s holocron hadn’t implied that he himself felt anything even remotely romantic or friendly towards her. 

 

Annoyance spiked within her as she kept reading despite her better judgment, and it was only when Ren’s voice cut through the tranquil air that she wrenched her bleary eyes away from the holo. 

 

“Xendor?” Ren said, squinting at the flickering wall of text in front of her. “Ah, the Legions of Lettow and the First Great Schism as written by someone who claims to be an expert on an event that has been mostly lost to history and can only be reconstructed with limited sources,” he scoffed. “Why are you reading that?”

 

“Because I bought it,” she said, eyes narrowing. “Even if I wasn’t expecting it to be very educational, I’m a little annoyed that it’s like--” she waved her hand around, frustrated.

 

“They didn’t even try to find out the truth.”

 

“Yeah! I mean even back on Jakku when I thought the Jedi and the Force were only myths, I wanted to know everything. And I thought if you want to write a book about such ancient history, you’d put more effort into it to get things as right as possible and to reflect the truth of it.”

 

“Not everyone is like you,” he said as he turned around to lie on his stomach, reducing the space between them. He laid his cheek upon his arms. His lips twitched into a small smile, and warmth crawled over her cheeks in response. “Not everyone is so diligent and inquisitive as you are. Most people are looking for the fastest way to milk our sacred history for credits. The truth doesn’t matter, and they are not interested in dissecting the sources they have at their disposal. The truth is a relative concept anyway when it comes to events so far in the past. We can only make our own deductions based on holocrons and ancient texts.”

 

Rey nodded vigorously, excitement flaring in her belly. “Exactly. I have studied Awdrysta Pina’s holocron and he seems equally impressed by and resentful of Xendor and his defection from the order.  But it made me wonder what exactly was Xendor thinking? Because everything I know about his motives are things that I know because of Pina’s accounts of him, and Pina seemed almost gleeful at the prospect of… of slaughtering Xendor? Maybe there was a more personal reason why these two feuded. The book suggests it might have been because of a woman, but I doubt it.”

 

“Oh?” Ren quirked an eyebrow, raising his head from the nest of his broad arms. “Why?”

 

“Because Pina never mentions a woman in a romantic light. He only drops the name of Arden Lyn because she was Xendor’s partner. I think Pina would have been more forthcoming in his personal journal about something like this.”

 

“Ah, but what if his journal isn’t a simple relic that has weathered time, but something he has intentionally left behind for posterity? Maybe he deliberately didn’t mention her because he wanted to be remembered as the Jedi who justified his crusade against the Legions of Lettow with moral reasons, and not because he was infatuated with a woman.” He shrugged. Rey smiled.

 

“It almost sounds like you’re inclined to believe he started a war for a woman.”

 

“Why are you so sure it wasn’t because of that?” he asked, sitting up. The easy warm current between them suddenly shifted, sizzling with tension. The collar of her tunic felt suddenly too tight, her clothes a prison for her overheated body as he scooted closer to her. “Do you really think it is that unfeasible?” 

 

He raised his hand and pushed her hair behind her ear. Rey gulped, her blood boiling in her veins as her skin tingled at his touch. Her tongue was thick and clumsy in her mouth, words that had been pouring out of her with certainty and confidence got stuck in her throat. Ren cupped her cheek, his fingers warm and gentle on her face. 

 

“I…” she trailed off, her eyes flickering back and forth from his smouldering gaze down to his plump lips. Her brain was useless and her body was already attuned to the shift in the Bond, to the unmistakable intent in his eyes and the heat that curled around her body. The tips of her fingers itched with the urge to claw his shirt off, to make him lie flat on his back and let her have her way with him. 

 

“I really want to kiss you right now,” he whispered, eyelashes fluttering. His thumb stroked over the seam of her parted lips. 

 

“What are you waiting for then?” Rey put her holopad on the patch of grass next to her without sparing it a glance. Her heart hammered in her chest as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Kylo Ren kissed her as if she was the first drop of water he had come across after aimlessly wandering through a vicious desert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagined Rey's new satchel to look like [this](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/368239707015327029/) in green of course. 
> 
> And the pretty new necklace Kylo got for Rey like [this](https://www.novica.com/itemdetail/?pid=194161)
> 
> The flower tunnel Rey and Kylo have their picnic is based on the [Wisteria Tunnel](http://www.tourismontheedge.com/hidden-places/asia/wisteria-tunnel-kawachi-fuji-gardens-japan) in the Kawachi Fuji Gardens in Japan.
> 
> About the [First Great Schism](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/First_Great_Schism): Xendor and Awdrysta Pina most definitely did not fight over a woman. It was pretty much about differing ideologies and stuff like that, but considering how much of actual Jedi history is lost in the Star Wars universe I imagine things being super murky for the general public as well. I just wanted Rey and Kylo to connect intellectually as well and what better way is there than them debating the validity of a biased holocron as a historical source?


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FINALLY HERE! I'm so sorry for taking so long, but real life and health issues had to be dealt with first before I could tackle this chapter. I love and appreciate all of you with your encouraging comments and I hope you will like this chapter.
> 
> Also yes, the Offworlder series is definitely a shoutout to Outlander.

In a state between sleep and almost wakefulness, Rey groped for a blanket and pressed her face deeper into the fluffy pillow. She let out a groan. Her sleep-crusted eyes refused to open despite her third failed attempt at retrieving something to cover herself with, and she was ready to give up and just curl her limbs together to get warmer. Just then, her body was enveloped in warmth. Rey sighed happily, nestling under the blanket. 

 

There was a soft press against the apple of her cheek, but she was too warm and tired and comfortable to open her eyes. 

* * *

 

Rey woke up to the sight of Kylo Ren, showered and dressed, watching a holoshow in the sitting area. Rey blinked, drowsy and dumbfounded, at the unsettlingly mundane view of his hulking form lounging on the couch. 

 

“Good morning,” he said softly when she sat down next to him. Immediately, Ren reached for her, his strong arms wrapping around her waist. He kissed her softly, rubbing her arms, and she had half a mind to move her lips against his. The sleeve of her robe slipped down her shoulder as they pulled apart, Ren’s eyes dark with promise at the slip of freckled skin. 

 

There was a different sort of intimacy to his touches now, more confidence and certainty since last night. As if this wasn’t just their third day together, but they have had a lifetime of getting to know each other. Rey couldn’t deny that it wasn’t just the sexual benefits that she had come to enjoy from him. His vast knowledge of the galaxy, his opinions about the history of the Force were as engaging to her, if not more; a revelation that made her feel equal parts guilty and excited. It wasn’t like listening and absorbing the information and philosophy Master Luke imparted upon her. With Ren, it was a back and forth, a challenge of wits and words.

 

“Good morning,” she murmured, allowing him to kiss the curve of her shoulder. She sighed and wrapped her arms around him, while his lips moved up her neck, over the shell of her ear. Her eyes flitted over to the muted viewscreen. “Mmmh, what were you watching?”

 

His movements stilled. 

 

“An episode of the Superknight series,” he said, pulling away. He looked down at his lap, tapping his fingers uneasily against her shoulders. “They’re showing reruns of the older episodes.”

 

“Oh? What is it about?”

 

“It’s an old show based on a toyline. I used to play with the figures when I was a child.” He plopped against the backrest, throwing her a sheepish glance. “I’ll change the channel.”

 

“Please don’t.” She smiled, pulling the robe over her shoulder, and curled against his side. “I’d like to watch it, too.”

 

It was a silly show, though clearly something little kids would enjoy, with the exaggerated movements as the characters transformed from their civilian selves to the valiant Superknights in their armours of red, black, blue, green, yellow and pink. Rey giggled quietly against Ren’s neck and he tightened his hold around her. They managed to watch two episodes before her stomach started to growl. Ren didn’t pretend to act like he was surprised, and Rey was past the point of feeling embarrassed. 

 

“How about we order breakfast into our room?” he asked, soft brown eyes gleaming with humour. “Yesterday was very tiring after all. And we had a long night.” 

 

He indiscreetly leered down at her breasts that the loose robe did a poor job of hiding from his sight. Heat crawled across her cheeks. She buried her face in his neck and let out a soft sigh. 

 

“Sounds good to me.” 

 

Their food was not delivered to them by a service droid. Instead it was two Mirialans from the hotel staff that wheeled their meal inside. They didn’t bat an eye at her and Ren’s state of casual undress. Rey sat awkwardly on the couch, shifting a little, as the room service carefully arranged everything on the table in the sitting area. Rey’s mouth watered at the scent of the food, her stomach giving a slight growl. 

 

The taller Mirialan cleared her throat and a cart with a domed cover was wheeled in, smaller than the previous one.

 

“Mr and Mrs Antilles,” she began, the smattering of small diamond shaped tattoos over the bridge of her nose and cheekbones stretching with her smile. Rey blinked, ready to correct the Mirialan that there was a misunderstanding, but Ren shot her a panicked look that made her hold her tongue.

 

“Yes.” He nodded, trying to affect a civil tone. Rey looked down at her hands, clenching them into fists. Of course, the hotel would require their names. Obviously Ren had to forge fake identities for them. Rey’s heart still gave an uneasy flutter. 

 

“We wish you a blessed and long marriage. Please, accept this as a token of our well wishes.” The Mirialan smiled amiably and gestured towards the cart, pressing a button at the side of it. The big dome slowly folded itself back. Rey’s breath staggered in her lungs. Faintly, she could hear Ren’s gasp as the entire arrangement came into view. Pralines, and sweets and plump red fruits dipped in dark chocolate were lovingly arranged on a golden three tiered tray. Two glasses, broad and bowl-shaped held up by thin stems, gave a crystalline glint next to a deep black bottle. The thing that caught her attention more than all this finery was the heart shaped cake in the centre of it. Heart shaped and drenched in white chocolate with a single zherry on top, it looked almost unassuming among all the other things if it weren’t for the elegant dark lettering in Aurebesh on top of it reading  _ Happy Honeymoon _ . 

 

They must have looked thoroughly horrified if the faltering cheer on the Mirialans faces was any indication. Rey worked her mouth, but her brain had screeched to a halt and all she did was to choke on her spit. It was Ren who recovered first. With just a twitch in his right eye, he nodded at the room service, stiffly. 

 

“Thank you,” he said, voice gruff, as if he was tasting the words for the first time. “We appreciate your presents.” His uneasy gaze sought out hers as he cleared his throat to add, “Don’t we… Sweetheart?”

 

“Oh? Yes! We are so very thankful,” Rey said, voice strained with the effort not to choke on her spit again. She plastered on a nervous smile and tried to ignore the fluttering of her heart. The shoulders of the Mirialans dropped in apparent relief and their faces morphed back into an impeccable expression of politeness. 

 

“Please, enjoy your meal,” the shorter one said, hands clasped in front of her. 

 

“We-we will.” Rey thought she sounded a little shrill, but if they noticed the Mirialans gave no indication they had and instead walked out of their quarters with equally graceful gaits. 

 

The moment they were alone again, Ren dashed towards the table without looking back.

 

“We should eat,” he rasped and plopped down on a chair. Rey’s mind was still hazy and slow to catch up, but the food smelled delicious, and that was easier to focus on than the troubling feelings that were sparked by Ren’s poor attempt to act the part of newlyweds. Who was she to judge, though? Rey didn’t know how people were supposed to act in these situations. All she knew were grand exaggerated tales from the romance novels she enjoyed.

 

Her life was not a romance novel. Never would be.

Pointedly, she ignored the lavish arrangement of sweets and cake and wine, and seated herself opposite of Ren. Despite her love for sweets, the actual breakfast looked more appetizing than the Happy Honeymoon Arrangement right now.

 

“Oh, this looks delicious!” Her eyes lit up and any awkwardness was almost dispelled. She wouldn’t allow anything to spoil her enjoyment of a good meal. 

 

Their late breakfast was an array of different sorts of cheese, sliced vegetables, bread, sweet honey and marble berry jam. Another plate had a heaping of circular breads with benne seeds. Rey didn’t hesitate to make a grab for one of them. It was still warm and crisp when she chewed vigorously. Ren tore a small piece of the bread to scoop a little of the main dish, scrambled eggs mixed with meat and chopped tomatoes.

 

Rey followed his example but helped herself to a larger heaping to stuff into her mouth. The meat was spicy and the eggs had been seasoned with what might have been some sort of pepper. Whatever it was, it was divine. 

 

“It’s from Tinnel IV,” Ren said after a while. Rey looked up from her plate, cheeks puffed out, and blinked, having the presence of mind to make a puzzled noise despite her full mouth. “The breakfast, I mean.” He looked away, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s a traditional dish from Tinnel IV.”

 

She could faintly hear the noise of the next Superknights episode blaring from the viewscreen, not loud enough to drown out the obnoxious sound of her chewing. 

 

“I see.” 

 

“I thought you would like it,” Ren continued. “But I only ordered the breakfast, because I know you like food.” He cringed. “I don’t know what they were thinking...giving us that cake. We could have purchased cakes from elsewhere without the unnecessary--” he waved a flailing hand, “--decoration.”

 

Rey put the bread down, rubbing her fingers together, the benne seeds stuck to her fingers flaking off. 

 

“They were thinking that we are newlyweds,” she said softly. “Which makes sense considering you booked us the honeymoon suite and gave us the identities of Mr. and Mrs. Antilles, which would have been nice to be told. Why are  _ you  _ even surprised? You arranged the whole thing like this. If it had been up to me, I would have just  picked a cheaper inn.”

 

He harrumphed. “I did tell you that I wanted to do this right, not in a cheap inn.”

 

Well, they were his credits that were being spent on this opulence. She wasn’t going to complain about it now. Rey let out a sigh and turned back to her food. The rest of their breakfast passed mostly in silence, which was fine by her because the food was delicious and abundant. 

 

“I was thinking we might go to the Galactic Museum today,” Rey said when she was done with her plate. Ren still had a little more left to eat, his every movement looking elegant and proper even when he wasn’t using a knife and fork to eat. 

 

She leaned back in her chair and stretched her arms over her head, catching a glimpse of Ren licking his thumb before he used a napkin to clean his fingers. 

 

“The Galactic Museum?” There was a tinge of condescension to his question as if he had been expecting better from her but was trying to hide his disappointment badly.

 

“Yes. The Galactic Museum. Is that a problem?”

 

“Oh, not at all. I see absolutely no issue with setting foot into a building full of revised and biased history of the Galaxy.”

 

“Right, because your version of the history is not biased at all,” she sniped. “You don’t have to come with me.” Rey shrugged, trying to tamp down the spark of disappointment at the prospect of having to go alone. “You can stay here or go somewhere else.”

 

“I did not say I wouldn’t accompany you.” He clenched his fists on top of the table, eyebrows furrowed, dark gaze guarded. 

 

“Fine.” She nodded, setting her jaw. “Finish your food. I’ll get dressed in the meantime.

* * *

 

Monument Plaza was as crowded as the interplanetary market had been, but the people mingling here were primarily human or humanoid and dressed in fancy robes and gorgeous dresses. Kylo and Rey had decided to take a stroll through the plaza before they made their way towards the Galactic Museum. Or more precisely, Ren had insisted on dragging her into every high-end store he thought might entice her. Which they did, but the prices were about twice as high as they had been at the market and Rey didn’t need any more jewelry or clothes, as gorgeous as they were. 

 

Ren, however, was undeterred and had purchased her a beautiful pearl necklace when her gaze had lingered on it for a moment too long.

 

Veda Pearls, the jeweler had called them while Rey was marvelling over their loveliness, ovoid shaped and interspersed with tiny gold roundels. The queen of Naboo loved to embellish her outfits with them apparently.

 

Her propensity for accepting his gifts was becoming a problem. She was unable to deny something so pretty, never having dreamed of possessing something so beautiful.

 

Rey knew better than this. At least, she should know better. Beauty was transient and deceptive. Nothing was ever given without the expectation of something in return.

 

Finn had offered her his unconditional kindness and friendship, though. But that was  _ Finn _ . Galaxies separated him from Kylo Ren.

 

She bit her lip in unease. She had to buy Ren something, too, if only to level the playing field. He loved reading, so perhaps a book. Her eyebrows furrowed. No, that alone would be too underwhelming as a present. Maybe she could seek out the Chagrian vendor from the market. His jewels were more affordable. Would Ren even wear jewelry? She threw him a glance. 

 

Even the civilian clothing he opted to wear was always so dark! He could use a little colour in his life. Maybe she could buy him new robes. Perhaps in yellow or pink? The mental picture made her snort. 

 

Ren’s increasing discomfort, an uneasy and restless current, slithered towards her through the Bond. She wouldn’t be discouraged, though, even if Ren thought the poutier he was the more likely she was to avoid the Galactic Museum. 

 

The building was a swirling complex of steel blue and glowing white, an opalescent sphere at the top of the building welcoming visitors with its splendour. Rey clasped her hands together and shot Ren a giddy smile, his dour expression powerless to dampen her excitement. 

 

They followed the throng of lifeforms into the museum, the excited chatter and whining from young students only fueling her desire to explore every nook and cranny. The entrance fee was surprisingly low compared to everything else on Monument Plaza, and Rey was not going to complain about the few credits she had to pay in exchange for wisdom. The mass of people only became thicker the further inside they found themselves and Ren ended up being a few paces behind her. She considered waiting for him, but the flux of museum goers from behind was too much and just pushed her further forward. 

 

Ren’s annoyance spiked through the Force. She’d have to wait for him in the atrium where there was more room. She tried to transfer her intention through the bond and hoped it was enough for him to understand. 

 

Easing off the tension in her back, she beamed at the befuddled Umbaran next to her who managed a shaky smile back. The pale blue of his cheeks turned a light purple. Rey opened her mouth, her wariness of strangers briefly forgotten in her eagerness to learn more about the Galaxy.

 

“What do you want to look at first?” she asked. 

 

“I, ah, thought I would have a look at the exhibition of the Monarchs of Naboo,” he said. He shifted on the spot. “You know how Naboo often elected young women as their monarchs. I find their history very fascinating.”

 

Rey nodded. “I don’t know much about Naboo, but I’ve heard of the queens. It sounds like an amazing exhibition. I think I should check that first.”

 

The Umbaran winked at her, the corner of his colourless eyes crinkling. His gaunt face suddenly looked younger as he leaned in a bit closer. Mischief crawling over his features. 

 

“I think you should. Maybe we could do it toge--”

 

“Sweetheart, there you are!” 

 

Ren rudely snatched her by the arm and proceeded to drag her away. Frowning, Rey pulled herself free.

 

“What are you doing?” she hissed. Ren’s eye twitched.

 

“I thought you wanted to explore the museum?” 

 

“Right. You don’t need to manhandle me for that. Don’t ever do that again.” 

 

Chastised, Ren lowered his head. “I apologize. That was...uncomely of me.”

 

She nodded, not quite willing to acknowledge his apology more directly, and turned towards the Umbaran. 

 

“Ah, sorry about that,” Rey said, feeling awkward and uneasy at the Umbaran’s unveiled anxiety. He kept stealing glances at Ren, and Rey didn’t even need to see the ridiculous oaf next to her to know that he was glaring at the poor Umbaran. “My...partner is a little impatient, you see.” She smiled. “Could you tell us where the Naboo exhibition is?”

 

The  _ Monarchs of Naboo  _ exhibition was in the east wing of the building. Lights had been installed in the walls to bathe the halls in a dazzling lively green in honour of the planet that was featured. Holograms of the kings and queens were spread all over the hall in chronological order, while the centre was occupied by a larger holo of the planet of Naboo. 

 

The holo of King Narmlé, also known as The Explorer, was only an attempt at replicating the ancient king’s appearance based on holoscriptures and books since there was no holographical source for him. The information flaring next to the king’s holo described him as charming and intelligent despite his short tenure. King Jafan I was the founder of Theed and ushered in The Great Time of Peace after a two-hundred year long civil war between Naboo’s city-states known as The Time of Suffering. Queen Yram, who ruled around 500 BBY, was the first queen whom historians were able to identify among the many monarchs lost to time. 

 

The museum offered visitors the option to download the most important of facts onto their holopads and Rey wasted no time putting everything she could onto hers. There was no way she would be able to remember all of this; a reread was definitely in order. 

 

“Naboo sounds like such a wonderful planet,” Rey said as her eyes flitted over the summary of King Veruna’s life. “Have you ever been to Naboo, Ren?”

 

He had been awfully quiet and didn’t seem particularly interested in the exhibition. Odd, considering how he had attempted to bodily drag her into exploring the museum. Maybe he didn’t care much for Naboo or he might just be against everything that was shown in the Galactic Museum just on principle. 

 

“I have. It is...a lovely planet. Very green. I think you would like it there.”

 

“It seems like a planet that prefers its peace over politics. At least, its monarchs seem very level headed and uninterested in political schemes.” Rey smiled, deciding then and there that she would one day fly to Naboo. Hopefully sooner rather than later. 

 

Ren snorted next to her, arrogant and judgemental, as he regarded the holo of King Veruna.

 

“You’d be surprised that besides these weak-minded fools, Naboo has also produced one of the most powerful men of the Galaxy.”

 

“Weak-minded?!” Rey spluttered, clutching her holopad. 

 

“Yes,” Ren sighed, closing his eyes. “Weak-minded and complacent to the deceptions of the Republic. How ironic that Emperor Palpatine came from this very planet.”

 

Rey’s anger screeched to a halt. She blinked.

 

“Palpatine was from Naboo?”

 

Ren smiled, devious and haughty. “Indeed. He was the Senator of Naboo before he became the Supreme Chancellor and eventually the Emperor. He brought order into a galaxy that had long abandoned discipline and purpose. Instead, it had become a playground for bureaucrats, ineffective in implementing any laws of use.”

 

“You’re full of banthashit, Ren,” Rey gritted out. Her blood was roaring in her ears with the force of her annoyance. “If destroying planets and killing innocents is your idea of order… oh right, it actually is. Anyway, I’m not interested in talking to you about how wrong you are. That’s not why we’re here.”

 

With that Rey slalomed around him towards the next holo, leaving him to gasp in outrage. Oh no, she would not let him spoil this experience for her! She tried to ward off the wave of frustration that threatened to make her turn on her heel and shake some sense into Ren. How could he be so daft!? So detached from the cruelty of the Empire and the First Order? Why had she even expected better from someone who killed his own father?

 

She huffed. Whatever. She wasn’t going to let his nice presents and their deeply fulfilling conversations cloud her judgement anymore. He was still her enemy. 

 

Padmé Amidala Naberrie. 

 

Rey stopped short, transfixed by the holo.

 

She had been a beautiful woman with kind gentle brown eyes, chestnut brown locks and a demeanour Rey would have described as queenly even if she hadn’t known that this woman had been one. Elected at the age of fourteen, she would later become a Senator on the insistence of her successor Queen Jamillia. She didn’t live long, however, dying at the age of 28, two days after Darth Sidious declared himself Emperor. 

 

A deep sadness welled up within Rey. She didn’t know this woman, and she had seen plenty of death herself, yet there was something about this queen. 

 

“Rey--” 

 

She jumped on the spot. Ren was standing right behind her and whatever he was meaning to say died on his lips. His gaze flickered up at the holo of Padmé Amidala. There was an odd quick pull on his side of the Bond, almost like a leap, before the sensation settled into his familiar energy of agitation. 

 

“Ren?” she called out warily. 

 

“I’ll be back at the hotel,” he said, hurriedly, his eyes still on the holo. 

 

Rey’s heart sank.

 

“Alright.” She tried to affect a neutral tone, tried to mask the irrational displeasure that tempted her to grab his sleeve and make him stay. “I’ll see you there.”

 

“R-right. Don’t be late...please.” 

 

And with that he turned around and vanished into the mass of people.

 

Rey choked back her disappointment.

* * *

 

Ren’s departure had left her with a hollow feeling in her stomach, but soon she had found herself lost in the richness of Naboo’s history and its monarchs. It wasn’t enough to forget his abrupt exit, but once she had reached the end of the exhibition, her brain was pulsing with all the newfound information she had gathered. 

 

She was content when she reached the hotel. She smiled at the doormen when she entered The Elite. Force, she even smiled at the Cerean that accidentally bumped into her. Even though she knew it was impossible, her holopad felt  _ heavier _ with knowledge. Rey couldn’t wait to give everything she learned today another readthrough. 

 

Her good mood, however, gave way to vigilant caution. Ren’s Force signature was all over the place, jagged and flaring, unpleasant in its intensity. She carefully tucked her holopad into her satchel before she made her way to the turbolift. 

 

Perhaps it wasn’t wise to go to him when he was like this, but for all she knew he might go back on their truce, potentially putting the people here in danger. Rey bit her lip anxiously. Ren seemed angry yes, but not in a combative mood. Something foul was afoot, and she was not going to let her guard down.

 

Ren’s Force signature had morphed from a sour disturbance to a pulsing storm once she reached their suite. Rey rubbed her hands up and down her arms as she came to stand in front of their door. Slowly, she punched in the code, taking a deep breath, before she stepped inside the foyer.

 

Stark silence greeted her, but the Force shrieked and whined, raising the fine hairs at the back of her neck.

 

She toed off her boots and stretched her arms over her head, taking a moment to take in a deep breath before her exasperation asserted itself. If push came to shove, she would kick his ass. She had done it more than once. Not to mention, the very reason they were here in the first place was that they found themselves incapable of fighting each other. 

 

Feeling calmer and more at ease, Rey found him sitting on the couch. His hands were clasped in front of him, his head bowed as if he was in deep prayer. 

 

“Ren?” she asked, unlatching her satchel from her shoulder to place it carefully onto the ground. She crossed her arms over her chest and planted herself in his periphery. “What is your problem?” she eventually pressed after his continued silence.

 

“My problem?” he laughed bitterly, raking his fingers through his messy hair. “You,” he croaked before burying his face in his palms, muffling a frustrated yell that reverberated through the Force. “You are my problem.”

 

Rey blinked. “Excuse me?”

 

He stood up in a smooth motion and rounded the table. He stomped straight towards the bedroom and despite her annoyance at being ignored Rey followed him.

 

He had started to pace up and down the room like the child he was. Rey scoffed and stood at the door frame. His nostrils were flaring, his body, tense and agitated, so unlike the veil of calm fury he had been trying to affect previously. There would have been a time when she might have been afraid of him like this, his anger settling over everything in his vicinity like a noxious veil. 

 

But she had seen him naked, whimpering and pleading, and she knew how to make him weak with just her fingers and mouth. 

 

Kylo Ren didn’t scare her.

 

Though, he certainly annoyed her. 

 

His large body came to a jarring halt, his dark eyes wild. He took a breath that shook his entire frame. A nerve in his neck jumped. 

 

“You!” He pointed his finger at her, incensed. “You are corrupting me.”

 

Her jaw dropped open. “What are you talking about?” 

 

She shook her head, trying to ascertain to herself that he was indeed spewing this  _ absurdity  _ after all the times he had willingly and enthusiastically engaged in sex with her. 

 

“You are making me stray from my path. I have committed the gravest of sins by touching you, giving in to such baseness.” He let out an agonized moan and let his shoulders drop, the very picture of defeat and misery. “I have betrayed my principles and my master because I couldn’t resist your wiles.” He took a step towards her, eyes burning, and Rey felt something hot seep into her belly. “You’re a temptress.”

 

There was a beat of strained silence before Rey let out a loud snort. 

 

“I am no temptress,” she said before dissolving into a helpless fit of giggles. She shot him a haughty look. “Maybe you were just never that committed to your path to begin with, if all you needed to stray away from it was me.”

 

Perhaps it was foolish to needle him like this, and maybe she should be more careful when she could feel his ire mounting even without the Force. She should feel anything but excitement when he walked up to her in all his hulking glory, puffs of his hot breath hitting her face. The insinuation that she held this much power over him sent a thrill up her spine, even if it was patently ludicrous. 

 

“You really have no idea what you do to me, do you?” he growled. He cupped her chin and tilted her head up, gentle and careful despite the whirl of his conflicting emotions.

 

“Don’t blame me for the choice you made. We both knew what we were getting into,” she breathed. Something else fluttered in her chest other than pounding arousal, something that felt suspiciously similar to guilt and regret. “We’re both traitors.” 

 

She had known this, of course, but the word still tasted bitter on her tongue. 

 

“You really don’t know the effect you have?” He ran his thumb over her cheekbone and leaned in closer but did not kiss her. She bit her lip and he hissed. “How am I supposed to resist your beauty?” Rey sucked in a sharp breath as he trailed his hand down her throat to finger the pearls there for a moment, only to slide lower to cup her breast. “And your body.” His voice dropped down to a whisper while he reached for her face again. Heat pooled between her legs as her mouth ran dry. He tapped a long finger against her temple, his expression soft and fond. “Or your wits.” He pressed his forehead against hers, sighing deeply. “What are you doing to me, Rey?”

 

“I’m not doing anything.” She licked her lips before pulling him down into a searing kiss. Any restraint he had before evaporated at that, his large hands roughly clutched her hips, twisting them around and walking her backwards until her calves connected with the frame of the bed. Rey let herself fall into the soft mattress with a sigh. He barely left her a moment to breathe before he was on her again, lips frantic and hot. Tugging at the hem of her tunic, he let out an impatient growl. “Take this off.” 

 

He pulled the garment over her chest just as she heaved herself into a sitting position. With a gasp she raised her arms and her tunic was pulled off without preamble. 

 

“No,” he said, when she was trying to detangle the pearl necklace from around her neck with skittish fingers. His deep voice reverberated within her chest, making her shiver. “Leave that on.” 

 

Rey let her hands drop from the pearls with a gulp. Ren’s eyes were almost entirely black, his pupils blown wide as his gaze roamed up and down her chest. He scooted a little closer on his knees, the pads of his fingers crawling up the length of her spine. Her skin erupted in goose bumps, the sensation of the loosening material of her breastband making the fine hairs on her arms rise. 

 

“You really don’t know how...how ravishing you are.” 

 

She didn’t think she would ever get used to the way he looked at her, nor would she ever tire of being beheld with such open awe. 

 

“Lie back.” The dark timbre of his voice rushed straight to her core, and Rey couldn’t do anything else but comply. The sheets were cool against her naked back.  

 

Ren divested her from the rest of her clothes without preamble. Naked and vulnerable in front of him while he was still fully clothed, she ought to feel at least an inkling of discomfort, but all she could do was to rub her thighs together. Something dark and dangerous stirred in the pit of her belly at being told what to do, something not unlike what she had felt when she ordered him to strip and he had complied. She hadn’t expected that being commanded would excite her so much. 

 

His lips wrapped around her nipple with a groan, eliciting a deep sigh from her. He tugged at it with his teeth, the pressure light and pleasant and sensual, until it popped out of his mouth. Her skin flared with heat, her breath staggering in her lungs as he touched and licked and groped, his big hands easily engulfing her breasts. He trailed a path of burning kisses down her torso, slow and teasing. She could feel his mouth curving into a smile against her navel before he gingerly nudged her legs apart and went to work between them. 

 

Her muscles twitched at the swipe of his tongue, her clit throbbing when he groaned against her folds. Rey closed her eyes, throwing her head back, and let the sensations wash over her body. The heat, the pleasure, the smooth texture of his hair against the sensitive skin of her thighs. Her little mewls became drawn out moans. She could feel the faint sparks of her orgasm in the tips of her toes and she desperately canted her hips against his mouth to chase the feeling, but before the flare of her climax could soar up her whole body, Ren raised his head from between her legs. 

 

“Why did you stop?” she whined, cracking one eye open. Ren’s eyes were an impenetrable obsidian, dark and shimmering with desire. Her heart skipped a beat, even as her frustration spiked at being denied her release. 

 

His arms quivered with restraint as he braced himself above her, kissing her messily. He brought a hand between their bodies, his palm rubbing against her clit. Rey whimpered, needy and frantic, and it didn’t take long before he had her on the edge only to slow his movements down again. Tears pricked at her eyes, her body overwrought and strung tight. She bit his shoulder in retaliation, smiling shakily when he hissed and his hot breath flitted over her cheek. But he wouldn’t cease the torture; his hands were wicked and his intentions even moreso. Oh, he was so pleased with himself! 

 

She pressed against his shoulders, glaring up at him. He smirked, wrapping a lock of her hair around his finger and rubbing it against his lips. Rey took a tremulous breath.

 

“Look at you,” he sighed, releasing her hair to tuck it behind her ear. His gaze roamed down her body and he fingered the pearls at her collarbone. “Spread out all for me. Only wearing the gift I bought you.”

 

Rey gulped and allowed him to dot her neck with kisses. 

 

“So beautiful.” He mouthed at her breasts, whispering reverently, “you’re a queen.”

 

Her breath hitched in her throat, and she couldn’t deny that there was a different sort of strength in this. The decadence of wearing only a piece of jewelry while a man worshipped her with his hands and mouth and words. 

 

“You like that, don’t you, Rey?” He fondly traced the shape of her waist, her hips, before turning her around to lie on her stomach. Her fingers dug into the cushion pressed against the side of her face. She watched him from the corner of her eyes. The boyish smile on his face made her feel all warm and fluttery inside as his hands wandered down her spine, his lips pressing against her shoulder blade. His hand slid over the curve of her rear before he found her wet folds and slid a finger inside.

 

Rey muffled her cries in the soft pillow as he worked a steady rhythm, her hips twitching, her fingers clenching and unclenching in the sheets, the pearls digging into her flushed skin, but she was too overwhelmed by his touch to be bothered by that. 

 

Ren was relentless, working her into a fever only to disallow her from reaching completion. She  _ clenched  _ with want, but he refused to give in to her. 

 

“Ren, please.” 

 

“What do you want me to do, Rey?” he whispered, kissing the shell of her ear. The faint rustling of his clothes was drowned out by the blood roaring in her ears. She raised her head, craning her neck to look at him over her shoulder, eyes heavy-lidded with lust. He was shirtless and his trousers were undone. 

 

“I want you inside of me,” she breathed. “I want you to make me come.”

 

His entire body went rigid for a moment as his eyes grew wide. And then he was a flurry of frenetic movements and impatient growls as his pants and boots and underwear were thrown all over the place, and he was naked and ready behind her, broad chest heaving. She shot him a pleased little smile that made the Force purr around him before she lowered her head back onto the pillow.

 

He lowered his hips and nudged the head of his cock between her folds. She wiggled her body a little and had to raise her pelvis before he was able to slide inside. He reached deep within her, grunting, and settled for a slow grind. The muscles in his arms looked especially fine from this view, all firm and pronounced with the way he braced himself over her back to lift a little of his weight off of her. 

 

Sweat gathered at her forehead, her neck, and everywhere his skin touched hers. Her voice escaped her in squeaky, high-pitched moans, Ren’s movements jostling her against the mattress as he picked up his pace. Her eyes rolled back; the friction this position granted them was heavenly. He was thick and perfect and far too good at this for someone who was as inexperienced as him. Did he ever touch himself? Is that how he lasted so long? Did he ever think of her? Fantasize about her while he had his hand wrapped around his cock. Oh, Force. That was a picture she hadn’t expected to make her arousal spike the way it did. Maybe he would touch himself and let her watch, chant her name as he came all over his hand. Call her a _ queen _ and _ beautiful _ and _ ravishing _ and never stop looking at her as if she was the only woman in the galaxy. 

 

Her voice broke into a wail when her climax engulfed her, hot and searing. Muscles tensing, she clenched around him and his shaft pulsed. He came with a quick jerk of his hips and with her name on his lips. 

 

Her legs were still twitching, her heart still racing when he heaved himself next to her, sweaty and out of breath and gorgeous. They shared a wide-eyed look, their surprise and awe mingling into a continuous loop between them. 

 

“Well,” Rey gasped, “that was something.”

 

Ren’s chest rumbled with the sound of his chuckles. He sighed and wrapped his arm around her.

 

“Indeed.” He gave her a lazy smile. 

 

Ready to give in to the comfort of his arms and the plush bed, Rey sighed only to have her peace interrupted by her growling stomach. Heat crawled across her cheeks, her hands crossing over her belly. 

 

“Um. I was distracted by the exhibition and missed lunch,”she admitted sheepishly. 

 

Ren laughed softly, pressing a kiss against her cheek. “Well, we can’t have you going to sleep all hungry.”

 

With languid movements he rose from the bed, and exited the bedroom. Rey didn’t bother following him, a little embarrassed but mostly too lazy to move when her legs still felt like jelly. She didn’t have to wait too long. Ren came back with a plate in his hand and crawled back into the bed. Rey’s breath caught in her throat. It was the white cake the Mirialans had brought them. She heaved herself into a sitting position as Ren stabbed a creamy piece out of it with a fork and brought it to her lips.

 

“Open up,” he said, amusement dancing in his warm brown eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo what do you think? 
> 
> The idea with the hotel presenting Kylo and Rey a Happy Honeymoon Cake came from guest commenter Curlygirly. When I read that I had to somehow include that, so thank you so much for your suggestion.
> 
> I'm on tumblr but changed my url in case you didn't know. You can now find me at i-am-thesenate.
> 
> Rey's [pearls](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/368239707017209370/).
> 
> I based their breakfast in the beginning of the chapter of Turkish breakfasts like [this](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/368239707018151158/) and [this](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/368239707018151170/). The circular breads are called Simit in Turkish and they are super yummy. The dish with the eggs and meat was also based on a Turkish dish served for breakfast called [Menemen](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/368239707018151176/).
> 
> My inspiration for the [Galactic](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/368239707018151197/) [Museum](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/368239707018151201/) comes from the concept design of the future Shanghai Planetarium.


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! Before you continue I want to show you all the art that some very talented people have produced for this story. Maybe you saw it in the comments of the previous chapter that someone commissioned something for Honeymoon, but there were also a few pieces produced before I failed to link because I'm dumb.
> 
> But [here](http://auraned.tumblr.com/post/150967386053/she-hooked-her-leg-around-his-ankle-and-pulled) [they](https://handbubbles.tumblr.com/post/153609076947/inspired-by-lueurdelaubes-fanfic-honeymoon-i) [are (CAREFUL THIS ONE IS VERY NSFW)](http://elithien.tumblr.com/post/160053796841/its-getting-steeeammyyyy-commission-for)

The pale stones of her necklace stood out particularly well against the black fabric of her silky shirt, another one of Ren’s gifts for her. Her unease had slowly but surely given way to an exasperated, fond gratitude. It was alright, Rey told herself, to keep enjoying this little dream as long as she knew she was going to leave it behind soon. Her heart gave a twinge, but she pushed it aside and shoved through the crowd. The market today wasn’t as crowded as it had been a few days back, which made finding the Chagrian vendor a lot easier.

 

His eyes lit up in recognition as Rey approached his stall.

 

“It is so good to see you again!” he said cheerily, folding his massive arms into the sleeves of his flaring robes. They were a vivid green, the fringes sporting a pattern of golden curlicues. “What can I do for you this time.” He winked. “A ring perhaps?”

 

Rey shook her head, once, twice. 

 

“Actually,” she said, eying the the assortment of rings closest to her. “I do need a ring, but not for me.”

 

“Ah.” He smiled, stroking his chin. “We will find the perfect ring for your boyfriend.”

 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” she spluttered, cheeks growing hot, palms sweaty. The Chagrian cocked his head to the side, confused, before his features eased back into amiable politeness. 

 

“My apologies. For your husband.”

 

Rey opened her mouth, but no rebuttal came out. Why should she deny it anyway? She had played along just fine when the Mirialans treated them like the newlyweds they were supposed to be.

 

“Yes, for...him.”

* * *

 

The grey ring box might as well have been a piece of hot coal. It was small and unassuming and easily hidden in the pocket of her trousers, yet she was uncomfortably aware of its weight and the square shape of it pressing against her leg.

 

Her heart was in a frenzy when she exited the shuttle. The holotheatre was only a short walk away from the shuttle stop and Ren was already waiting for her. All the air left Rey’s lungs when she spotted him. He looked the same as he always did, there was nothing to set him apart from the people around him other than his height perhaps. But Rey’s nerves were going haywire, the comforting ease she had become accustomed to utterly evaporated.

 

“You’re late,” he said, brows furrowed. “What took you so long? The movie is about to start.”

 

“Sorry.” She shot him a sheepish smile, and she could see the annoyance drain from his face. “I just didn’t know what to get Finn.”

 

His face fell. “Right.”

 

He turned away, holding his hand out to her stiffly. That had been her excuse, telling him that she was looking for another present for Finn. It had had the intended effect and Rey was able to go to the market on her own without acting suspicious. Ren had decided to remain behind instead of accompanying her in her search for a  _ special  _ present for  _ the traitor _ . She had been too relieved to care for his snide tone. They had decided to meet up in front of the holotheatre instead.

 

“Let's go. We still need to pay.”

 

Glad that he was letting the matter drop, Rey practically skipped over to him and took a hold of his large hand. He froze for the briefest moment, but then he was gripping her hand back, his skin warm and soft and pale. It was nice, she decided, this sort of gentle contact. 

 

The movie they had picked, or more precisely the movie she had insisted they watch was called Colossus. Chronicling the doomed maiden voyage of the old passenger liner of the HMS Colossus, the movie was touted as the one of the best movies in the history of the galaxy. Not that Rey had much to compare it to, but the reviews had convinced her to give it a go even if Ren had been less than enthused.

 

At the time, the Colossus had been the second biggest passenger spaceship only beaten by its sister ship the HMS Leviathan in size, which had also found its tragic end a mere two standard days later. It was a story she had read in one of the books Poe’s friend Snap had lent her. The Colossus had collided with an icy comet, causing the ship’s hull plates to buckle inward and open several of its airtight compartments to space. Oxygen venting, and panic and fear rising, the escape pods hadn’t even been full when the surviving passengers had fled from the sinking ship. The casualties had been numerous, and the accident had put in motion a change of the Intergalactic Convention for the Safety of Life in Space, a treaty which required all the ships within the administration of the Republic to comply with minimum safety standards in construction, equipment and operation.

 

Rey was so transfixed by the flaring holos in front of her that she almost forgot about the box in her pocket. The movie took her breath away, but not for the reasons she had expected. While the replication of the old model of the Colossus was brilliant and eerily accurate to what the original had looked like, it was the love story between the main characters that moved her so. The collision with the comet didn’t happen until the last act of the movie.The first and second acts showed the romance between a wealthy human woman, Lily, and a male Twi’lek, Dek. Their love scorned by the woman’s family because of the Twi’lek’s lack of standing and credits. Even if the story wasn’t real, Rey had been transfixed by the couple’s unconditional devotion to each other. 

 

When the tragic collision happened, she had gasped and clutched Ren’s arm. 

 

Would the couple make it out of the breaking ship? Would they be alright? Surely, they had to! Why spend so much time on their romance if their fate was a tragic one?

 

The more she assured herself of a more favourable ending for the couple, so much the worse was her devastation when the Twi’lek gave his place in the last escape pod up to let a child inside. Lily wasn’t quick enough to go after him and the doors had closed behind her, the smile of  her lover the last thing she saw before the pod was ejected into space.

 

The credits floated up with a sombre tune playing in the background. Rey blinked. Really? That was where they left it off? She sniffed, discreetly trying to dry her eyes, feeling foolish. Of course, the movie wouldn’t end happily. The real story had been immensely tragic after all. However, she had seen death already, and while the events in the movie had happened in the past, everything she just saw wasn’t real.

 

The lights flooded the room and the chatter of the moviegoers around them rose in volume. She only caught a few snippets here and there, the voices mingling into incomprehensible mishmash as the people made to stand up and walk towards the exit. 

 

“Are you crying?!”

 

Her head snapped up, her thoughts coming to a screeching halt.

 

“No!” she said thickly, standing up with a jerky motion, adjusting her satchel around her shoulder. Ren’s disbelieving stare just made her want to curl in on herself. “It was just a movie.”

 

He nodded, rising from his seat in a more leisurely manner. 

 

“A very good movie,” Rey continued before Ren could say anything. “I mean… obviously I shouldn’t have expected it to have a happy ending. A lot of people died during the accident. It probably would have been a bad idea to make both of them live to tell the tale.” 

 

“It was better than I expected,” he said. Rey squinted against the light that invaded her eyes, breathing in Coruscant’s filtered air that still managed to carry a whiff of permacrete. “I will pick the next movie, though.”

 

She chortled, clasping her hands behind her back. “Yes, I know what we agreed to.”

 

“In fact, I was wondering…have you ever been to the opera?”

 

Her head perked up. “No.”

 

“I would like to take you. To the opera, I mean. I think you would like it. It’s different than a holomovie, but still entertaining.”

 

“I would love to.” She beamed up at him, and he looked at her with such a dumbstruck expression that it made her question if he had even been aware of the offer he was making. He shook his head, the space between his brows creasing as he cleared his throat.

 

“I’m glad. I might have already booked a show.”

 

“Ren!”

 

Holding his hands up, he smirked down at her. “It’s in three days, so we have plenty of time to prepare.”

 

“Prepare for what exactly?”

 

“For attending the opera, of course.”

 

Rey blinked, suddenly feeling nervous. “What do I have to do.”

 

“We need to purchase the proper attire.” He came to stand in front of a sleek blue skycar. Rey tilted her head, quirking an eyebrow.

 

“I have taken the liberty of renting a skycar. It will make moving around Coruscant easier.”

 

“We were doing fine with the air taxis and shuttles, though,” she said, patting the roof of the car. It had grown warm from standing in the midst of the sweltering city heat.

 

“Do you know how to fly one?” Ren asked, lips curling into a teasing smirk. 

 

“Of course, I do.” She grinned and he extended his arms towards the car with a flourish. 

 

Giving a slight bow, he said, “I will give you the directions.”

 

* * *

 

“I didn’t expect this to take so long.”

 

Ren’s voice was a muffled grumbling beyond the deep red curtain of the dressing booth. Rey’s lips quirked as she stretched herself languidly, wiggling her hips on the plush sofa. 

 

“You just have to pick one of those suits and we can be on our way,” she said glibly, grinning to herself. There were a few spluttered words of protest, followed by a  _ thunk _ and hissed curses. This time, she giggled.

 

“You’re the one who says I should try out all the other suits you keep bringing me!”

 

“You did say we need the  _ proper attire  _ for the opera.”

 

“I still fail to see the point of trying out this many.”

 

There was a point to all of this that had nothing to do with the opera, but Rey wasn’t going to tell him that. She had already found a fitting dress; it was white with a long flowy skirt that made it easy to move. She had tried on some that hugged her body like a second skin, but were also a pain to walk in. As beautiful as the garments had been, Rey was still a practical girl by nature and had picked her dress accordingly. She had approached the choice for the right footwear with the same attitude after Ren had told her that she  _ absolutely could not _ wear her boots with her new dress. She had picked a pair of flat, white, prettily beaded shoes. 

 

She had almost felt like a princess out of those dreamy fairy tales she had heard on Jakku.

 

“We have to find the one that fits,” she sing-songed. She heard him groan. The curtain was pulled aside and he stepped out, slouching and pouting, but even that couldn’t detract from how  _ fine _ he looked. The black velvety tunic fell down to the tops of his knees, the dark pants  _ clinging  _ to his legs. All in all, it was reminiscent of his usual garb, but less closed off, more open and flaring. A white undertunic, a deep blue sash and a thin cord wrapped around the belt of the tunic completed the outfit. 

 

“How do I look?” he muttered, extending his long arms from his sides, looking like a man awaiting his execution rather than a husband enjoying a day out with his wife. 

 

“Very nice,” she drawled, sashaying towards him. Rey ran a hand down his chest, enjoying the texture of the velvety fabric of his robes. She didn’t understand anything about fashion and what qualified as  _ proper opera attire _ , and so far she had judged his outfits according to how much she felt like ripping them off his strong body to have her way with him. He wasn’t making it easy, considering that he had a knack for never picking anything that didn’t look good on him. Perhaps, some of Leia’s affinity for fashion had rubbed off on him. 

 

“I am glad you approve.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he brought his hand up to cup her cheek. He leaned down and pressed the softest of kisses upon her lips. Rey shivered and sighed against the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck and sinking into his embrace. “Now let’s get out of here.”

 

Rey was a bit peeved to find out that the suit was less expensive than her dress. He really enjoyed spoiling her and it was about time she gave Ren her gift. Her heart gave a nervous stutter as they exited the boutique and made their way over to the skycar. 

 

The sky was bathed in a deep purple, the dazzling lights of Galactic City forming their very own constellations separate from the stars. Without exchanging any words, Rey sat on the aviator’s side while Ren unloaded his bags onto the backseat before sitting next to her. 

 

“Shall we?” He motioned towards the skylane, his eyes a warm shade of brown that made her hands damp with sweat. She nodded, her stomach fluttering as the car lifted off. 

 

“I was wondering...what show did you book us, Ren?” she asked glancing at him from the corner of her eyes when the air traffic came to a brief halt at a crosslane. 

 

“It’s called the Barber of Balosar. I saw it performed once when I was a child and remember enjoying it. It is rather lighthearted. I think it’s a nice change of pace after the movie we watched.”

 

“I guess so. What is it about?” 

 

“It is about a count who falls in love with a woman at first sight--” Rey snorted and even Ren let out a puff of rumbling laughter. It was a pleasant sound. “And he wants her to love him. Not his title or his riches, so he disguises himself as a simple music student, but he hasn’t had the chance to speak to the girl yet, and the Barber of Balosar offers his help. For a fee. And that’s all I’m telling you.”

 

“I can already see that plan of his backfiring,” she muttered as their lane started to move forward. 

 

“I won’t say anything.” He sounded so pleased with himself. And looked so relaxed as well. Hands folded behind his back, legs lazily spread apart, his hair, as always, perfect and glossy. He was beautiful in his ease and it suited him. Rey breathed in nervously, her skin flaring with heat. She tapped her fingers against the controls of the car, letting the vibrations of the engine ground her mind. This was no time to be distracted by him!

 

“Rey.”

 

She jumped in her seat, heart in her throat. “What is it?”

 

“I...if you like, we can get you another dress. More than one.”

 

“I already have one. Or is it only proper to have a change of dresses for the opera?”

 

“No,” he laughed, his gaze fond and warm and distracting enough that Rey would rather look upon him than pay attention to the traffic. At this rate she was going to crash their vehicle into one of the skyscrapers. Her knuckles turned white with the force of her grip, Her teeth dug into her bottom lip, anxious. “If we...if we go to the opera again or perhaps if we attend another event, I think it’d be wise to have a few dresses at the ready.”

 

“Have you already made plans for the next days without telling me?” She tried to affect a mock affronted tone, but her voice came out shaky and feeble because she could feel his intent, with or without the Force.

 

“Not plans exactly. But I have been thinking…” he trailed off, but didn’t finish his sentence. Rey exhaled sharply. He didn’t need to say it out loud and he seemed content to let his words hang between them.

 

What if…

 

What if this... _ them _ had more of a future than they were willing to admit? Could she slip away like this more than once? Could she bear to lie to her friends who were fighting and dying for a good cause while she was gallivanting with the very enemy that was causing so much death and destruction? Her throat felt tight and dry. Or what if...what if Ren came back with her? What if he forsook this path of misery and pain and darkness? What if...what if he could be the man he was right now? Sweet and gentle and eager to please? 

 

_ “He brought order into a galaxy that had long abandoned discipline and purpose. Instead, it had become a playground for bureaucrats, ineffective in implementing any laws of use.” _

 

Ren’s words from the museum trickled into her mind, slowly, cruel and galling in their realness. 

 

_ “You’d be surprised that besides these weak-minded fools, Naboo has also produced one of the most powerful men of the Galaxy.” _

 

Ren’s admiration for such a vicious man was genuine. He truly believed his actions to be righteous and just. And ultimately serving the Galaxy. How? She didn’t know. Couldn’t grasp. Jakku had been harsh and unforgiving and she had had to brutally defend what was hers...but how could  _ he _ , who had such a loving family and everything she had always wished for, become...what he did. 

 

How much had it actually been Snoke’s influence? Rey shuddered. Master Luke’s face would be shadowed by such bone-deep weariness whenever the topic of his nephew arose, which wasn’t often. Saddled and weighed down with resignation and a sense of failure, Luke Skywalker had looked nothing like the illustrious and famed hero she had heard about. Just a sad old man, a kind man who had done great things, a man who had watched all the things he loved turn to ash. 

 

Anger bridled inside her belly.

 

_ “You are corrupting me,”  _ Ren had said. Could she ever hope to affect such a degree of influence on Ren, too? Would he ever consider...reconsider his path? Did she want him to? Should she want him to? And if so, what for? For the Resistance? For the Galaxy? For herself? All she had ever wanted was her family, a place to belong. Could she have lost herself like Ren had if it hadn’t been Finn who had run into her?

 

“Rey?”

 

“Hm? What is it?” 

 

“You passed our stop,” he said, his eyes crinkling at the corners. 

 

“Ah, right. Sorry.” 

 

She made a turn to the right, manoeuvring the skycar through a narrow alley before the passage was wide enough for her to turn back. With Ren’s soft directions, she landed the car deep within the belly of the hotel’s parking deck. Closing the systems down, the whirring of the engines died down and the lights within the car turned off.

 

Maybe it was the darkness that emboldened her or perhaps all the emotion bubbling within her chest that left her no choice. Despite all her misgivings about him and what he did, she had to do this at least. It was only fair. When Ren shifted and made to get out of the car, she reached out, touching his forearm. He made a questioning noise from the back of his throat.

 

Without looking up, the words burst out of her, frantic and inelegant, heart lodged in her throat. 

 

“I have something for you. A present. Here!” She dug for the box in her pocket and thrust it out to him. “I hope you like it.”

 

Only when he took the box from her tight grip, did Rey look up. Even amidst the relative darkness, she could see the wonder and bewilderment in his eyes as he carefully, almost reverently lifted the lid. The box looked comically small in his large hands, and every move of his was painstakingly slow as if he was handling something that might break at the slightest provocation. 

 

There was a certain pleasure that coursed through her veins when he gasped, his eyes widening. Her belly fluttered with warmth, her lips quirking into a smile. All the grim thoughts from before vanished in favour of this all encompassing sense of  _ right _ . 

 

“For me?” he asked, looking at her beseechingly. 

 

“Yes,” she laughed, beaming up at him. 

 

“It...I...thank you. I didn’t think...I mean, you didn’t have to--”

 

“Ren--” she held up a hand, silencing him. “I wanted to.” And then with a smaller voice, she added, “do you like it?”

 

The band of the ring was a broad, polished silver with leaf-like engravings and nestled on top of it was an oval, milky gem.

 

“Is that--” he sucked in a breath.

 

Shyly, she nodded, biting her lip. “It’s a moonstone.”

 

A grin broke across his face. “Like your necklace.”

 

“Like my necklace.” She fiddled with the chain of it, unable to stop smiling as her blood pulsed in a frenzy. “Put it on.”

 

For a moment she considered putting the ring on his finger, but her hands were jittery with nerves, so she placed them into her lap. 

 

Ren’s movements were deliberate when he took out the ring, gaze awestruck as if he was still struggling to believe she had gotten him a present. 

 

The ring fit him perfectly. 

 

“It is brilliant,” he whispered, admiring the stone. And then he cupped her face in his hands and whispered his gratitude against her lips before claiming them in a kiss.

 

* * *

“You’re so good to me here,” Rey whispered, shifting on Ren’s lap to stretch backwards and make a grab for one of the chocolate-dipped camby berries on the table. He sucked in a breath at her wicked smile, at the deliberate way she ground her hips against his erection. His head thrown back, his shirt discarded and his pants loose around his hips, he was a sight to behold, debauched and ravishing. She hadn’t even bothered putting on any clothes after their bath together and the towel she had used to dry herself had already found its way to the floor. 

 

She dangled the camby berry in front of his face. He licked his lips, but his eyes were not focused on the delicious fruit. 

 

Taking a rough hold of his chin with her free hand, she crushed their mouths together, her tongue chasing his with vigour. She pulled back when Ren’s hands clutched her hips, smirking at the whimper he released. 

 

“Why can’t you always be so good?” she said and brought the berry to his mouth. Obediently, he took it between his teeth and chewed, a trickle of purple juice staining the corner of his mouth. Rey gathered it with her finger and licked it clean, the taste tart and sweet. “You do what I say here.”

 

His eyes were almost black, his arousal a musky tangible sensation through the Bond. He swallowed the camby berry and worked his mouth, swallowing air. 

 

“I’ll do anything you want,” he rasped, gaze simmering. 

 

Oh, but would he? Would he spill all the secrets of the First Order? Would he lay down his stupid lightsaber and come back with her to the Resistance and to his mother. Would he apologize and repent? 

 

It was all too tempting to test out how much actual power she held over him. Did he only submit because he was in the heat of the moment, painfully hard and ready? Or did she have actual power over him?

 

She was no temptress, regardless of Ren’s  ridiculous claims to the contrary, but he desired and craved her so passionately. Maybe being a temptress wasn’t that difficult. She just needed to disrobe in front of him and Ren would be in her thrall. It was intoxicating, a power that was unlike anything she had ever known. She had bested him several times in a fight already and while that had been satisfying and affirmative of her own skills, it was quite different from the heady confidence she felt now. 

 

He was a gasping quivering mess, and a dark part of her suggested that she use this to her advantage. Try to weasel out as much intel as she could from him. Make him weak with pleasure and then cram through his mind for something useful. Ren didn’t have to notice any of this and she doubted he would, not when she was sucking his cock and he was too busy singing her praises. 

 

It would mean going back on their truce, deceiving him. The thought made her stomach flutter with unease, but what was her unease compared to all the good she might be able to do. Perhaps, Ren was also trying to lower her defenses and try the same trick on her. 

 

“Rey, please.”

 

She kissed up the column of his neck, traced the shell of his big ear. Her heart hammered in her chest at a frantic beat, her skin flushed and hot and feverish, her nipples hard and sensitive against his chest. Impatient, she undid his pants fully and released his cock from the confines of his underwear. He panted and groaned against her throat, hips aimlessly snapping up, desperate to merge with her. 

 

She was wet and ready for him, her core aching with the need to be filled. Slowly, she slid down on his shaft with a sigh. Her name left his mouth in a gasp, a desperate plea for her to  _ move _ and  _ please _ , and who was she to deny him something that made him so sweet? Her pace lazy and languid as she rose on her knees and lowered herself back down. Her nails dug into his firm shoulders, her mouth dropping open with a moan. 

 

How often had they done it like this? She had lost count, but what she would never forget was how the sex felt different every time. Sometimes it’d take them a bit longer to manoeuvre their limbs and to find the right pace for the both of them, but Ren was meticulous, nothing rash and aggressive about how he was in bed. No session was ever the same, and they found increasingly new ways to wring pleasure out of the act. Whether it was rough and fast, slow and gentle, him on top, him taking her from behind, it always felt good. 

 

The muscles in her thighs started to ache and burn, making her huff. As much as she loved riding him, this position tired her out more quickly than the others. Her hips came to a halt as she sagged against his chest, breathing hard and fast. 

 

“Do you want me to take over?” Ren whispered, his hands feathering up the arch of her spine. She shook her head and she could hear the rumble of his laughter against her temple, feel the vibrations of his chest. 

 

Instead of returning to the up and down motion, Rey settled for a slow grind of her hips and reached out between her legs to rub her clit. Gasping and shuddering, she threw her head back, sweat rolling down her neck. Ren groaned and cursed, his eyes squeezed shut and for a moment Rey thought he would come before her, but he was stubborn and petulant, and he had made it a personal challenge to always have her reach her orgasm first, even if he didn’t always succeed. 

 

Rey made a low whine from her throat as her back stiffened for a brief moment only for it to go slack as her climax coursed through her body in rivulets of heat. He followed suit, gripping her hips tightly as he finished inside of her. 

 

They were in no hurry to detangle their limbs from each other, but Rey was sticky with sweat and as nice as it was to bury her face against his neck, they needed to clean up. 

 

“We could take a bath,” Ren murmured against her temple before dipping her chin up to kiss her. She nuzzled his nose, smiling.

 

“That sounds nice.”

 

It was when they were submersed in the warm bubbly, flowery scented water that Rey admired the ring on Ren’s finger for the first time. She hadn’t been able to in the darkness of the garage, and after, they had been too wrapped up in each other for her to pay the ring any mind. Now though, back settled comfortably against his chest as he brought his arms around her, she took his hand and entwined their fingers. The moonstone caught the light in a way that it made it dazzle with a pale blue sheen. 

She sighed, content and relaxed. 

 

“It really is pretty, isn’t it.”

 

His chest vibrated with the rumble of his chuckles. “Indeed.”

 

There was no need for them to huddle together like this; the bath was big enough for both of them to easily fit inside and still be able to maintain some distance. She liked being in his arms. Liked being held like this, something precious and important, never to be let go. 

 

“Maybe I should get you a ring, too?” Ren said, his breath feathering over the curve of her shoulder. Rey frowned, twisting in his embrace to crane her neck, looking up at him.

 

“Why, though? You already got me this necklace.” She touched the stones at her collarbone. “And the Veda pearls and the dress and the shoes and many other things! I don’t think it’s necessary.”

 

Not that all the other things had been necessary either.

 

He smiled faintly. “A ring would be different.”

 

“Hah? How so?”

 

The Force buzzed around them as he stared at her, making the breath stutter in her lungs. Then the moment was over and he touched her nose with the tip of his before gathering her back against his chest.

 

“It just would be.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Kylo's fancy suit](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/368239707021644702/)
> 
> [The ring Rey got him](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/368239707021644679/)
> 
> Tell me what you think :D


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT'S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I LAST UPDATED AND I AM SO SORRY. I started a new job and it was difficult finding the time to sit down and work on this fic. But then I read Mirrorbright by the lovely diasterism and was promptly inspired. I really hope you will like this chapter, tell me what you think and thank you for sticking around ilysm <3

The realization did not come to Rey when Kylo Ren was being particularly sweet or generous. He was sleeping, laid out bare, completely relaxed and comfortable in the pleasant warmth of the room. She had hogged the entire blanket while she had been asleep. It pooled around her naked body as she observed him, the artificial Coruscanti lights basking the room in a light blue glow. 

 

She didn’t want this to end.

 

No, that wasn’t it.

 

This moment and all the moments she had shared with him, precious and beautiful-- she wanted to hold them to her heart, keep them there, safe and secure. It wasn’t so much about this moment ending. 

 

She wanted to have these moments again and again. Wake up in his arms, to his soft kisses and his sweet smile. The tickling brush of his hair against her skin, the way their bodies slotted perfectly together and how he would say her name, look upon her with fondness that ought to be completely foreign on his face yet had become as familiar as Finn’s smile and Poe’s bad jokes.

 

In that moment, while Ren was blissfully unaware of her turmoil, Rey let that fragile seed of hope take root. A second passed as Ren let out a small, dainty snore. Her chest fluttered with affection and before she could crush the bud of hope there, it was already blooming and blossoming and twining around her heart. 

 

Maybe… maybe they could…

 

Maybe Ren would…

 

She knew better than to put her faith into silly fantasies. She had felt the abject disappointment of having them crumble around her.

 

But it was with that precious warm hope that Rey fell eventually asleep.

* * *

 

They enjoyed a simple breakfast of Choya bread and fruity marmelades and warm Tarine tea. Despite the simmering nervousness within her, Rey chewed her food vigorously, enjoying the sweet taste of a Blumfruit muffin.  

 

Rey had snatched Ren’s own shirt that easily covered her from shoulder to thigh, whereas he was comfortably lounging on the couch in loose sleeping pants. He was already finished with his breakfast, scrolling lazily through her holopad.

 

“Debt?” he muttered, shooting her a challenging look over the glow of the holo-letters.

 

Rey swallowed loudly and then without missing a beat said, “ _ Entye.” _

 

“Very good,” he said with a nod. “What about  _ lance _ ?”

 

She smirked. “ _ Beviin.” _

 

“Saber.”

 

“ _ Kad.”  _

 

“Today?”

 

“ _ Ibituur.” _

 

Rey crossed her arms over her chest, giving him a haughty look from beneath her messy fringe. 

 

“This is too easy,” she said, stretching her legs out in front of her. She poked his shin with her foot. Her mouth quirked into an easy smile, her heart at ease, her body lax. 

 

“I would love to make this more challenging for you,” he said, scoffing. “But you seem to have memorized the entirety of this dictionary! How are you not fluent in Mando’a yet?”

 

“I will be soon enough.” She winked at him, cheeky and coquettish in a way that was unfamiliar but came to her easily.

 

“I believe you,” he deadpanned, but there was no mockery in his voice. His eyes were soft and fond. “You have a brilliant mind.”

 

“Oh please.” Heat crawled across her cheeks. His smile made her heart stutter. She glanced down, suddenly bashful. As much as she adored being praised, she was still unused to receiving it so openly and without hesitation. 

 

“You are a well of knowledge,” he said, words tinged with awe. He sat up and crawled towards her, taking her chin in his hand. Her blood sang for him, every fibre of her being attuned to his movements. His touch was soft, tender, his kiss even more so. She sighed against his lips, contently encased in his strong arms. 

 

“I just like to learn,” she whispered against his neck, hugging him close. Her eyes slid shut, her bones and muscles loose and lax as he ran his fingers up and down her spine.

 

“There’s so much I could--”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Ah, nothing.” He held her closer, pressed a kiss upon the crown of her head. His heartbeat was a steady drum against her ear. He was so warm, so full of passion. She heaved another sigh, relishing in the comfort and coziness. The early tendrils of sleep were creeping into her body, but then he shook her a little, jolting her out of the doziness.

 

“Alright, break is over. Let’s continue.”

 

“You are the worst,” she groaned, giving his bare shoulder a playful slap, but he was relentless and pulled out of their embrace, turning his attention back to the holopad and its list of Mando’a vocabulary. 

 

“To accept,” he said as he stretched his free arm over his head and plopped down onto the couch with a lack of grace that startled her. He was always so fluid and elegant in his movements, and it was entirely stupid of her to feel so irrationally affected by...by this.

 

“ _ Vorer _ ?” Rey grinned as she crawled on top of him, planting her hands on his strong pectorals before snuggling into his chest. She felt him nod, the tip of his chin stirring her hair with the movement. 

 

“Defend.” 

 

“ _ Aranar _ ,” she mumbled. He shifted in place, his strong arm wrapping around her waist. He nudged her face with his nose and she looked up at him. 

 

“Sweetheart,” he said, stroking the bare skin of her lower back. She shuddered, distracted by his touch and blinked up at him, bleary.

 

“What is it?”

 

He chuckled and kissed her lips. “You’re supposed to translate it.”

 

“Huh? Oh. Oh! Umm… it’s  _ cyar’ika _ .”

 

“Very good,” he sighed, “ _ cyar’ika _ .”

* * *

 

They had jointly decided to stay inside until they had to get ready for the opera. The few hours leading up to the styling droid arriving with a series of mechanical knocks on their door and its programmed greeting, they spent lazing around, watching holos and quizzing each other about the latest books they had read. 

 

“No,” Ren bristled, undeterred by Rey’s weary glare across the room. “Akatosh and Auri-El were more likely than not the same being. The split between the Aldmeri and Cyrodiili wasn’t only a territorial one, but also a cultural one. Their languages developed as the respective dialects they spoke fused with other languages and--”

 

“I know the history of Tamriel well enough myself,” Rey sniped, not bothering to move from her position on the couch. “And I’m telling you Akatosh and Auri-El were blood brothers, but Auri-El betrayed Akatosh. That is how the divide between the Aldmeri and Cyrodiili even came to be in the first place!”

 

“That is utter nonsense!”

 

Her eyebrow twitched. “No, what you’re saying is utter, revisionist--”

 

“Revisionist?!” Ren gasped, a look of such affront settling onto his features that Rey was tempted to take her words back. “Saint Alessia was not only an Aldmeri cleric and figure of spirituality, but also a formidable historian. And you dare to suggest that her Annals of Tamriel are  _ revisionist _ ?!”

 

“Ren, Saint Alessia’s allegiances clearly lay with the High Priest Talos and the Imperial Cult. You can’t honestly believe that her account of things were unbiased?!”

 

“And Topal the Traveller is supposed to be a more reliable source?” He shook his head, wild hair falling over his incredulous gaze. “He lived  _ decades  _ after the whole Rebellion of Saints, while Saint Alessia actually lived through the events.”

 

“I’m not saying that Topal’s accounts are entirely accurate.” Rey rubbed her temple with one hand and clutched her full belly with the other. Her leg bounced agitatedly over the backrest of the couch. How could he be so impossibly closed-minded over Topal’s brilliance? “And yes, you have a point in that he lived after the events of the Rebellion, but unlike Alessia, he collected various texts and scriptures--”

 

“Texts and scriptures you can’t be sure of where they came from either.”

 

She shot him a look. “A lot of the texts he used in his Chronicles have been verified by historians that came after him.”

 

“I can’t believe you!” He threw his hands up. “You’re calling Saint Alessia a revisionist, even though she  _ lived _ through those things. And you’re more willing to believe the texts collected by someone who has no firsthand accounts of the event!”

 

Rey felt her eye twitch. “You had no problem citing the fragmental memoirs of Pelinal Whitestrake--”

 

Ren squared his shoulders, his chest heaving with the outraged breath he took. His eyes were a lively shade of brown. He gesticulated a lot, Rey noted, especially in the passionate throes of debate. Maybe, he might have made a good politician, even if he lacked any semblance of patience, but he was committed to what he thought was right.

 

Rey pushed that ugly sensation stirring in her throat down, parting her lips to lose herself in the joy of banter and history instead.

 

* * *

 

“They call her R’iia,” Rey said, clutching her full belly, one leg draped over the headrest of the couch, wholly unbothered by the fact that Ren’s shirt was doing nothing to hide her at this point. Sated from more than just food, she was not inclined to get up anytime soon. “The Teedos believe her to be angry and unkind and that it is her breath that causes the neverending sandstorms on Jakku.”

 

“On the planet Narlmeae they worship the goddess Kynareth as the deity of the heavens and the winds. She is said to be extremely powerful, that with just one puff of breath, the Galaxy would scatter. However, Kynareth is mostly benevolent and her worshippers claim that she was the first of the Nine Divines to agree to the creation of mortals.” Ren’s voice came from the bedroom, accompanied by the sounds of his rummaging and the crinkling of fabric as he dressed himself.

 

Rey clasped her hands over her stomach, her gaze focused on the ceiling. She needed to get up too, take a short shower at least before putting on her pretty dress and shoes. The styling droid should be arriving soon, but Rey was too transfixed by the current topic of their conversation to urge herself to move. What had begun with him quizzing her about Mando’a vocabulary had delved into a discussion of Mandalorian deities before Rey had remembered the tales of the Teedo on Jakku and the Church of the Force before she had known the Force to be real.

 

“It is odd. I didn’t share the Teedos’ faith and didn’t think the Force was real either,” she mumbled, slowly heaving herself into a sitting position, groaning. 

 

“Odd, indeed.” Ren stepped out of the bedroom in his undergarments and white shirt, his legs still bare. Rey smiled at him. “For you to be unaware of something that has always been inside you. A deep well of power, yet you never knew.”

 

His voice didn’t carry any arrogance and Rey simply shrugged in response. She stood up and stretched her arms overhead.

 

“When did you know you had the Force?” she asked.

 

Ren’s eyes shot up from the cuffs of his sleeve, sharp and dark. For a moment Rey thought she wasn’t going to receive an answer, but the Force around him wasn’t tense or twitchy as it had been whenever she had first asked him more personal questions and he had divulged; uneasily at first before he had grown more comfortable.

 

“Always. I’ve always known.” He wedged the button of his sleeve into place, but didn’t look up. “It has always been there.”

 

“I see.” Rey gulped down, a shudder running over her limbs. Would things have turned out differently if he hadn’t been so potently strong with the Force? Surely, Snoke wouldn’t have found him, wouldn’t have been able to prey upon him. A heaviness settled into her veins that had nothing to do with the comfortable laziness from before. She gathered her legs, stretched them out before heaving herself into a sitting position and hugging them against her chest. 

 

What would have happened if he had never turned to the dark side? Han Solo would still be alive. Would Finn have defected when he had? Leia’s heart wouldn’t be cracked like it was, splintered and almost shattered, stitched together by her sheer force of will. Would Ben Solo still have been his uncle’s apprentice? Luke Skywalker, who was marked by years of tragedy and death, had initially rejected teaching her and it had taken quite some time for him to warm up to Rey. 

 

Maybe Ben Solo and his uncle would have come across her during their travels across the Galaxy. Maybe they would have found her and things would have been different.

 

Rey sighed heavily, blinking against the stinging sensation in her eyes. 

 

“Sweetheart.” Ren’s voice was a soft, sweet caress against her heart and it just made it ache more. She hadn’t even noticed him approach her until her chin was cradled in his large hand. “Don’t you want to come with me?”

 

“I don’t know,” she choked out, and she could feel his panic rippling through the Bond.

 

“I can still cancel the opera. We could stay inside instead.”

 

“No, I mean I want to go to the opera. I’ve been really looking forward to it.”

 

“You do not seem very excited right now. What’s wrong?” 

 

He cupped her cheek, leaning down to kiss her, soft and sweet. Her eyes drifted shut, her heart pounding fiercely in her chest, as she leaned into his touch. 

 

She wanted this forever. 

 

She deepened the kiss, sampled the taste of him and the shape of his lips, inhaled the subtle scent of his perfume, spicy with a hint of berries and greel wood. Her fingertips buzzed with the current of her emotions, sizzling and real and undeniable as Ren held her tightly. When they pulled apart, breathing deeply, Rey buried her face against his neck.

 

“I should start getting ready,” she said. “I really want to go.”

 

He chuckled and Rey closed her eyes, relishing in the rumbling of his chest and his silken deep voice. 

 

“Alright,” he said. “I will summon the styling droid.”

 

Rey stripped off the shirt on the way towards the bathroom, throwing it onto the floor without a care. A pleasant sensation raced down her spine as she felt him trail her naked back with his eyes. She could see them, dark and wild, his desire plastered all over his face. She clamped onto that, let it anchor her as her body was thrumming with excitement and anxiety at once. 

 

She kept her shower short, only enjoying the downpour of hot water for a brief moment she couldn’t deny herself. She dried herself off with a ridiculously large, fluffy towel in a squeaky shade of yellow before putting on her fancy underwear. There was a different surge of power when she watched her body in the fogged-up, floor-length mirror. The fabric was delicate and risqué at once, white and pretty, but diving deep between her breasts and pushing them up. Turning around, smiling, she pulled at the elastic of the lacy panties and let it snap into place. She looked  _ good _ .

 

Rey slid into her dress, confident and pleased. Kept in a shade of off-white, the skirt was long and flowy, pooling at her feet, yet a generous slit at the side of it revealed a good amount of her leg. The cut of the bodice was lower than she was used to wearing, draping across her chest, while leaving her back almost bare aside from the delicate mesh adorned with pretty flowery arrangements of grey sequins.

 

While she had had a hard time picking among the array of splendid dresses she had been presented, Rey had let her practicality decide in the end. Her dress wasn’t too tight. Easy to move in and comfortable, but still elegant.

 

The rest of her preparations might as well have passed in a blur. Once the styling droid arrived, there was no room for Rey to tarry. She was primped and preened, her hair styled into pretty, dainty locks that framed her face. She didn’t know what the droid was doing but trusted that it was programmed to do its work perfectly. 

 

When Rey finally saw her reflection, her breath whooshed out of her lungs.

 

“Amazing,” she whispered, hands hovering shakily over her cheeks and head, not daring to touch anything lest she ruin the droid’s work. Her painted lips curved into a bright smile and a surge of sheer euphoria overcame her. She twirled in place, watched the skirt flare around her ankles, and touched the mesh and sequins over the bodice. She beamed at the droid. “Thank you so much!”

 

The droid accepted her gratitude as it was programmed to do.

 

“Do you require my assistance in other matters as well, Miss?” 

 

“No, no, I think I’m good. Thank you.”

 

“Then I will take my leave with your permission.”

 

“Oh, of course.” 

 

It lingered by the door for a few seconds before sweeping into a deep bow and leaving without further ado. Rey couldn’t wipe the smile from her face as she slipped into her pretty shoes, humming under her breath as every fibre was thrumming with excitement.

 

She practically skipped out of the bathroom, joy unfurling in her chest when she saw Ren all dressed and ready. Her mouth ran dry, tongue clumsy and thick in her mouth. He was gorgeous.

 

“How do I look?” she asked, twirling in place, feeling silly and happy and lightheaded.

 

She could tell what he thought of her appearance without needing him to voice it. She stood up straighter and basked in his hungry gaze. He had never failed to make her feel beautiful; whether she was dressed in her everyday wear or nothing at all. Ren was right in front of her in two strides. He took her hand in his and raised it to his mouth to press a kiss on top of her knuckles. He was wearing the ring she got him. Her breath hitched in her throat.

 

“You look resplendent,” he said, taking her breath away all over again. 

 

He was going to be her ruin.

* * *

 

It was like stepping into a wholly different timeline.

 

While the Galaxies Opera House didn’t stand out with its architecture from the rest of Coruscant’s upper levels aside from preferring a domed structure, the interior was an entirely different story.

 

Ren led them up the stairs under the large, arched entranceway and they stepped inside a world of tall pillars and golden marble. The ceiling was carved with ornate figures, dramatic winged beasts, rounded off by the flaring red tapestries along the walls, held up by thick golden cords. 

 

Rey wasn’t the only one who was gaping. A group of Neimoidians seemed as transfixed as she, while a human couple walking just a few paces ahead of Ren and her didn’t seem to be making a trip to the opera house for the first time in their lives. 

 

“I can’t believe we are still on Coruscant,” Rey said, awed. 

 

“Belharza Morihaus was tasked to rebuild the opera after it was completely destroyed after the Jedi-Sith War during the Dark Ages,” Ren said, taking her hand in his, entwining their fingers. The thick band of his ring pressed against her skin. It ought to have been unpleasant, but there was only a deep satisfaction that he was wearing something she had gifted him. “He chose the Neo-Classical style used primarily in Harnaidan.”

 

“You mean the capital of Muunilinst? I have never been there, but I was told that it is a beautiful planet.”

 

Ren’s grasp on her hand tightened the slightest bit. “We could go there next time if you like.”

 

Rey drew her brows together, chewing on her bottom lip. “I would love to.” 

 

“Perfect.” Ren was smiling as he led her up a winding staircase, the Force around him humming with joy, enveloping Rey with its warmth. She could barely detect any darkness in him; it wasn’t gone, of course, but it was so minimal, so slight, that he might be just any other normal man in the galaxy taking his sweetheart out for a nice night at the opera. 

 

Wasn’t that what normal people did? People who weren’t burdened with a war. Could she ever hope to live a life like that? Did she want to? Could she even if she craved it?

 

The hallway he led them along overlooked the ground floor. The railing to her right was a work of dazzling golden swirls and curlicues twisting into the shape of Snowblooms in the center. Above them lights glittered in the shapes of constellations; some familiar to Rey, some not. The Prefid’s Belt, the Martyrs, the Jeweled Lizard she definitely recognized among the miniature stars. 

 

It wasn’t long before they reached their designated seats, a small square booth bathed in cozy shades of copper and umber with two plush seats of deep burgundy. Rey plopped down on one of them without a care for grace, legs sprawled apart as the skirt of her dress pooled into the space between her thighs. She leaned forward against the railing in front of the seats, getting a full view of the entire opera hall in its circular shape. It was even vaster than its unassuming shape from the outside suggested, decked in the same plush red seats and golden arrangements as their private booth. Ren took his seat next to her and brought her hand up to his lips, placing a kiss upon her knuckles. 

 

It wasn’t for another half an hour that the lights dimmed and a hush fell upon the hall. Rey’s breath caught in her throat, chest fluttering with anticipation.

 

“I hope you’ll enjoy the show,” Ren murmured, kissing her hand again.

 

The plot was ridiculous, the costumes extravagant and gorgeous, the music wonderfully bouncy and energetic, the Hapan lyrics resonating in the high octaves of Aurelia, a young girl trapped as the ward of the lecherous Doctor Bumeo, that electrified Rey. 

 

She scoffed at the Count Alamar serenading his love Aurelia only to try to win her graces by putting on a costume, that of a poor student named Tristano.

 

She laughed at the titular barber of Balosar enchanting the entire audience with a flourish, his voice a boisterous booming echo. He knew all the secrets of Balosar and relayed to the Count that Bumeo planned to marry Aurelia himself. Of course, the count wasn’t going to let that happen!

 

Rey wanted to clap along, humming the melody under her breath, enraptured by the lively tune, but the audience remained silent. Perhaps it was rude to clap in the middle of the performance? So she tapped her fingers against the armrest of her seat to the rhythm of the songs.

 

Rey felt like cheering when Aurelia grew more and more assertive. A vulnerable girl at the mercy of an oaf who sought to take advantage of her becoming a formidable and strong woman, who was going to be with the man she loved. 

 

But, oh, Tristano had deceived her! And now she was ready to marry Bumeo right away with a broken and shattered heart.

 

The barber luckily heard of the plot and smuggled him and the count inside Aurelia’s room. Rey smiled when Aurelia’s melodious voice gained an edge, angry and betrayed, as she confronted Tristano, her beloved and her deceiver. 

 

She had fallen in love with his voice and humble nature, but did she even know who he was? Could she ever marry such a man who would hide his true person from her? How could she ever trust him with her heart and happiness?

 

Aurelia’s anger didn’t waver when Tristano revealed himself as Count Alamar; she became just more incensed, gathering her frilly skirts into her small hands and stomping up to him. 

 

Rey’s eyes flitted back and forth from the spectacle on the stage and up to the holographed translations floating above, only to have her attention captured by the sweet voice of the count. Full of regret and apologies, he knelt in front of his love. What he did was stupid and he had never been a sensible man, but his love for Aurelia was true and sincere. Even if she rejected him, he would still love her and cherish her happiness above all else.

 

Just as the count rose to his feet and the barber patted him on the back, sympathetic to his lord’s heartache, Aurelia’s resolve faltered. She truly did love him, despite her ire. 

 

Yes, she would marry him, she sang, cautiously approaching Alamar, who was looking at her as if she was the only woman on Balosar. He took her into his arms and they were married on the same night, the nuptials witnessed by the barber and the fuming Doctor Bumeo, who had lost.

 

Rey rose to her feet when the curtain fell and the theatre erupted into cheers and applause. She clapped forcefully for Aurelia as she took a bow, her face flushed and sweaty, as she beamed up at the audience. Ren’s side of the Bond was a flurry of warm delight and mirth. He was more restrained with his applause, but Rey could tell that he had enjoyed the performance immensely.

 

He caught her gaze, lips twitching into a bashful, darling smile. Rey grinned and threw her arms around his neck, squeezing him close. He let out a yelp and she kissed his cheek. The elation that unfurled in her belly bubbled up into the Bond and wrapped around them. Their mutual happiness and glee echoed back and forth; Rey clung to it fiercely, held the sensation close and refused to let go. 

 

“I take it you liked it,” Ren said, pressing a clumsy kiss onto her forehead. 

 

“It was amazing.” She beamed up at him. “Thank you for taking me here.”

* * *

 

 

She thought she had known the depths of Kylo Ren’s tenderness.

Ren undressed her with gentle precision. Despite having been naked in his presence more often than clothed, her breath hitched in her throat as he led her to bed. His eyes, dark and wild, full of adoration, captivated her more than anything else. He kissed every inch of revealed skin, making her shudder and gasp.

 

He thrust into her slowly, leisurely. He mouthed her earlobe, his breath loud and staggering, and it was the most arousing thing. Her thighs shook, her heart overflowing with his careful handling not unlike the first time they did this. Now, however, he knew her body. Knew where to caress and kiss her to elicit her pleasure, no awkward, clumsy fumblings as they explored. 

 

They were in sync.

 

He was beautiful in the throes of passion, eyes narrowed in concentration, his teeth buried in his plump bottom lip. 

 

Rey’s breath stuttered in her lungs.

 

Lovemaking was what her novels called this. 

 

Her eyes slid shut as she threw her head back and her lips parted with her moans. She whispered his name, her skin prickling with heat as he slowed down, his length sliding out of her. Ren let out a curse but didn’t give her time to voice her displeasure. He adjusted his hips, took himself in hand and nudged her open, sliding home with a contented hum.

 

“Beautiful Rey.” He cupped her cheek, his thumb brushing against her cheekbone. “My beautiful Rey.”

 

Her eyes shot open as she clutched the sheet on either side of her head, helpless to the pleasure mounting in her belly, hopelessly encased in Kylo Ren’s feelings for her. Rolling her hips against him, she chanted his name as her back arched, her voice rising in pitch, and she nearly tore the bedsheets into shreds.

 

Her orgasm washed over her in warm waves, rushing from her toes to her quivering thighs and the tips of her fingers. Deep in the spell of her own pleasure, she barely registered his climax, just the deep growl of reverence tumbling from his throat. Panting against his damp skin, Rey clutched him tightly against her chest. His shoulders shook, his big frame shuddering with each breath he took. 

 

“I… I can’t.”

 

Slowly, she opened her eyes, nuzzling his temple. “Hmm, what?”

 

He raised himself onto his knees, arms wrapped around her waist as he pulled her up. Gaze earnest and shimmering with words he wouldn’t say. Rey licked her lips, her throat dry.

 

“I can’t bear it, Rey. I can’t bear the thought of being parted from you after this,” he said, the words rushing out of him in a fervent raspy whisper. Her throat clogged up.

 

Nothing mattered in that moment but him. 

 

He wanted to be with her and she wanted to be with him. 

 

Surely, they could work it out. 

 

“Maybe,” she said, voice thick and wobbling with emotion, as she brought them together chest to chest. “Maybe we don’t have to be.”

 

She released the breath in her lungs with a sudden trembling exhale, her heart squeezed in between the iron tendrils of insecurity and yearning. Force, she wanted him so much! How could she go back to how things were? 

 

“You… you’re serious?!” he gasped, his long fingers tightening around her arms. The Bond  _ pulsed,  _ more alive than ever and Rey was drowned by his sheer adoration for her, that had been there since the first time he had laid eyes upon her and had only grown stronger. Bright and strong, something he had tried to quench and bury in darkness, but had never been able to and now he knew that it was impossible. “Oh, my love,” he breathed.

 

Rey swallowed, eyes stinging with tears, and it was only then that she admitted it, quiet but determined.

 

“I want to be with you.”

* * *

  
  


Rey’s nerves were too jittery for her to fall asleep. She donned a thin robe and exited the bedroom on her tiptoes. She made herself comfortable on one of the lounge chairs on the balcony, a contented sigh escaping her lips. 

 

The skylanes were still littered with air cars and speeders, the rumbling of engines and the noise of people still there if quieter. Coruscant was never truly asleep, she guessed. She sucked in a deep breath, letting the balmy air caress her skin.

 

Soon, they would be gone and leave this place behind. 

What should they do? Comming the Resistance and announcing that she was coming with Kylo Ren would be foolish. Perhaps she should only let the General know? Or maybe Rey should seek the higher echelon of the Resistance out personally first before she let Ren anywhere close to them.

 

She clenched her fists.

 

She wasn’t stupid enough to believe that he would be welcomed back with open arms, regardless of the indispensable intel he could provide them. People wanted justice and they wouldn’t let Ren roam the galaxy as a free man. A knot of trepidation latched into her throat. 

 

It was going to be difficult, but they could do this. The things they could do together! He was a powerful Force user and he ought to know Snoke’s weaknesses! They could defeat the First Order and all the bloodshed would come to a stop. They could be together, have peace, and maybe Ren could face his own demons and do penance for the crimes he had committed. Work with the Resistance and the Republic. Even if they didn’t pardon him, his punishment would be softened, wouldn’t it? 

 

And after? They could go to Naboo and to Muunilinst! He could show her all the beautiful places the galaxy had to offer. Maybe they could settle down on a beautiful green planet full of life. She could have a life without having to fear for survival. She could be happy and not afraid that something so precious was going to ripped out of her hands.

 

Would it be possible for her to go to a university? Would they accept someone like her? Rey was adamant to prove her knowledge and expand upon it. 

 

She wanted peace, wanted to belong and find her place in all of this. Make a home for herself, not like her ramshackle AT-AT, but a real home. Maybe a nice apartment on Corellia, or a quaint house on Chandrila. She needed people around her, full of life and activity, but she also needed a place of quiet when everything became too overwhelming, the noise too much.

 

They could build a house together. And Finn and Poe would be there, too! Of course, they would be wary of Ren and maybe never truly accept him, but they were her friends and she couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing them again. She would make this work.

 

The slight brush of the Force against her alerted Rey to his presence even before he slid the door to the balcony open. He padded towards her on bare feet, hair tousled, eyes drowsy. He plopped down onto the lounge chair next to her and without wasting a second grabbed her hand. She smiled and brought his palm to her mouth, kissing his fingers and the milky gem of the ring he wore proudly. 

 

“Couldn’t sleep?” He raised a brow.

 

“Sort of.” She shifted her body to lie on her side, facing his body. “I’m just really nervous.”

 

“Me too.” He squeezed her hand, swallowing hard. “I never thought this could ever happen to me. That you could ever happen to me.”

 

“I never thought this could ever happen either,” she giggled.  “We didn’t exactly have the best start in our relationship.”

 

He threw his head back and chuckled. “Not at all. I don’t think I can ever put into words how happy you make me, Rey.”

 

His dark eyes locked with hers, alert and intense. Rey gulped. 

 

“I mean it,” he continued, softly. “I know you didn’t believe in my cause and the things I have been fighting for and I didn’t know how to remain loyal to my master and still have your affection. I never believed that you would ever come around.”

 

It was like a shard of ice spearing her heart.

 

“What… what are you saying, Ren?” Rey asked frantically, voice thick and tight. She dropped his hand and sat up, her head spinning. The chill in her body didn’t abate; Ren didn’t come forward to correct himself, didn’t say that, of course, she was never going to agree with what he was doing, but certainly, he could see where she was coming from and that she was worth leaving the First Order behind for. 

 

“I think it would be wiser if I let the Supreme Leader know that you will be joining us before we leave. I don’t want any misunderstandings--”

 

“Ren!” She stood up, chest heaving with her rapid breathing. “I am not coming with you!”

 

His jaw dropped open, eyes widening, so full of disbelief. He… he had actually thought she would betray the Resistance?!

 

“Rey, don’t be ridiculous,” he said slowly, standing up as well. He extended his hand towards her. It was shaking. “How are we going to be together otherwise?” His gaze, so earnest and soft in that moment, hurt her more than any lightsaber wound ever had. She shook her head, unable to open her mouth as she choked back a sob. 

 

Panic filled Ren’s features, despair clouding the Force around him. He took a step closer.

 

“Rey, please.”

  
  


Her blood froze in her veins. 

 

She was such a fool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rey's dress](http://attackoftheclothes.tumblr.com/post/143162316878/padm%C3%A9-amidala-having-dinner-with-her-family-at)


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, what is this??? An update already?? From me?? Yesssssss. I am really hoping to finish this story before TLJ comes, but who knows how well that will work out lol
> 
> In the meantime don't forget to tell me what you think of this chapter ;)

Rey had known pain. Had known crushing despair as she had lain on the floor of her AT-AT, heaving dry sobs as she had been too weak and hungry to feel thirst. It had been a sharp sting in her stomach that had blossomed into a rampant flare writhing itself up her body to the tiniest of nerve endings. In that moment, only fifteen, Rey had been seized by the debilitating terror that she was going to die. Just a slip of girl, starved to thin skin and brittle bones as the merciless sands of Jakku would swallow what was left of her.

 

The scavenger. The girl. Rey. Remembered by no one. Forgotten by her parents. Left to die. Unloved. 

 

There had been a gash on the inside of her thigh, throbbing and pulsing with heat. She had been feverish, tossing and turning in dust, crying out for someone. Mama. Papa. Anyone. Unkar. R’iia.  _ Maker _ . Please, please,  _ please _ .

 

She could barely remember how she had survived. Maybe it had been a kind stranger who had helped her, maybe it had been the faint recollection of a warm voice Rey had been cradling close to her heart ever since she had been left on Jakku. Maybe it had been the Force, feeding her the energy and strength to move. Her stomach had been in knots, cramping and tensing with agony, but nevertheless, Rey had persisted.

 

She had known pain and she had soldiered on. If she could survive Jakku, she could handle everything else.

 

The world tilted out of its axis and all the noise of the sleepless Galactic City registered only as a constant drone hammering into the back of her skull. Her skin prickled, cold and hot at once. Rey clenched her fists, her nails digging deep enough into her palms that they broke her skin. 

 

In that slip of a second as Ren’s voice had dropped into a pleading timbre, Rey thought she preferred the threat of starvation to the acidic misery and anguish of heartbreak. 

 

She had been such a fool.

 

Stupid, silly girl who never learned. She placed her hopes into the hands of others and, of course, was rewarded by having her heart and faith trampled all over. 

 

Luke Skywalker had feared her, had been callous and rude before he had slowly accepted her, before the kind, patient hero of the stories she knew had slowly begun to resurface. Her parents had never come. Devi and Strunk, Rey thought they could become friends, but even they had betrayed her. All the work, blood and tears she had put into fixing that ship, had been for naught. 

 

“Rey, please.”

 

Her vision blurred. 

 

This time, she had no one to blame but herself. She had known what she was getting into, had sworn to herself being with Ren was only supposed to be a temporary physical urge. She had known and had seen the atrocities he was capable of. 

 

And yet.

 

She had made the same mistake all over again, foolishly believing someone like Kylo Ren would change his ways for her.

 

A sharp and shrill noise tore through the haze of her shattering mind and it was only when Ren’s pleading gaze became a bewildered stare that she realized it was coming from her. Hysterical laughter bubbled out of her throat as hot, fat tears were leaking out of her eyes. 

 

She had been with him for only a few days and she had thought he would just come with her! She had known all along what kind of horrible man he was and she had still believed… still thought. 

 

Stupid, gullible Rey of Jakku who never learned. What a stupid, hilarious little girl, always hoping and wishing despite knowing better. She practically invited everyone to trample all over her heart. 

 

“Rey?” Ren approached her slowly, hands at his side. As if she was a wounded animal and perhaps she was and he was ready to give her the mercy kill. She flinched when he cupped her face, large, gentle hands cradling her face and wiping away her tears. “Rey,  _ breathe _ .”

 

Inhale. Exhale.

 

Each breath she took, she held in for longer in her lungs before releasing it. Slowly, staggeringly, her wits reassembled themselves, shaky and feeble on brittle legs. 

 

Ren… he was holding her. He was worried for her. And he wanted her to come with him. Join the First Order and Snoke. 

 

“No!” she tore herself out of his grasp, dashing back inside. “I’m not coming with you!”

 

There was a violent, cutting flare within the Force, so thick and dark and viscous that Rey had to gasp for air. Terror gripped her every limb and muscle, the dark stuffing her lungs with its suffocating brutality. Such pain and grief, Rey was gripped by the sudden horror that the dark side of the Force was finally going to ensnare her. It was only when Ren stepped inside as well that she noticed the flash of shadows was not coming from her. 

 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her heart was a frenzied, relentless beat against her ribs. She needed to get away, she needed to clear her head. She couldn’t stay!

 

“No, please listen to me,” he choked out, shoulders shaking. 

 

What had she been thinking?! And now she couldn’t even will herself to leave. She burned for him, her legs trembling with the urge to run back into his arms. 

 

“We should… we should just stop,” she said meekly, hating her voice, her foolishness, everything. “This was a bad idea to begin with and… and we have lost ourselves.”

 

“But,” he gasped, his pain reverberating within the Bond and feeding into her own. “You said we didn’t have to be parted from each other!”

 

“Because I thought you were coming with me!”

 

“What?! Why would you think that I would just betray my cause?” he asked, flabbergasted.

 

“And what made you think that I was just going to betray my friends and the Resistance to join your band of murderers?” 

 

Ah, sweet familiar anger. She could deal with this, channel and extinguish the burning agony of her heart.

 

“Oh please,” he sneered, eyes glimmering with contempt and Rey felt an apprehension around him she hadn’t since she woke up strapped down to a torture rack with Ren crouching in the shadows, watching her silently. “You owe nothing to the Resistance. So don’t even presume for one moment that--”

 

“This isn’t about owing them anything!” she shouted, fists clenched at her sides. “I refuse to fight for someone who wants to see the galaxy burn!”

 

“The Supreme Leader is wise,” he said, voice strained. He balled his fists together, fury radiating out of him so potently and resonating within her very marrow that it felt like she was barely escaping the blast zone of a supernova. “You may not realize it yet with all the lies  _ that woman _ has fed you, but the First Order will bring peace to the galaxy. The Republic has failed over and over again.”

 

Rey’s blood turned to ice. 

 

“I know you don’t believe me, Rey,” he murmured softly as he approached her. She took a step back, bile rising in her throat at the hurt that crossed his beautiful face. “But don’t you see? We can be so powerful together. We can actually right all the wrongs in this unequal world. Help people. Like the ones on Jakku. What has the Republic ever done for them. For you?”

 

She swallowed loudly, shaking her head.

 

“You think I have been fed lies?” she whispered. “You really think you will bring order to the Galaxy by enforcing the First Order’s cruelty? Maybe the the Republic hasn’t been perfect, but it didn’t presume that killing innocent people was the right thing to do! Is that you want, Ren? Destroying planets and systems until there is nothing left?”

 

“The Supreme Leader is wise. Do not presume that you can understand him or even think you have a chance of defeating him.”

 

“Your supreme leader is nothing but a monster!”

 

“ _ The Supreme Leader is wise _ !”

 

“You really believe that, don’t you?” she whispered sadly. His eyes looked almost black from here, just two dark bottomless pools belonging once to a boy who held so much life in him, a sweet man who had lost himself to the machinations of a monster and had distorted himself until he had become a monster, too. A monster still wearing the face of a man he could be. “You really think you’re doing the right thing? You really think that Snoke cares for you beyond your Force sensitivity. That he won’t throw you away the first chance he gets.”

 

Then, Ren smiled, a twist of his lips that contorted his face into a jeering expression of cruelty. 

 

“You’re trying so desperately to convince me that I am the one who has been manipulated, yet look at you!” he laughed, the hollow sound making her shiver. “Parroting back what  _ the General _ has been telling you. Does it make you feel better if you keep believing her lies, Rey? That deep down I am just a poor boy waiting to be saved? That I never had a choice in what I did? Do you feel better about wanting me if you tell yourself that I can still be Ben Solo?”

 

How dare he mock the woman who still loved him so deeply, who was still hoping for her son to embrace the light and come back to her despite all the atrocities he had committed. Rey could be afraid of him like this; unhinged and delirious, a dark energy breathing around him. 

 

“Oh Rey.” He tilted his head to the side, his features softening into gentle eyes. “Forgive me if I’m being too harsh, sweetheart. I can’t blame you for believing Leia Organa’s lies. She has always been a wicked, silver-tongued politician and you don’t know better.”

 

Her eyes narrowed into tiny slits, hands shaking. “What?!”

 

“She makes everything she says sound so convincing, too, doesn’t she? Her words are pretty, her voice so soothing and it took me too long to realise that she has been lying to herself and to everyone around her all her life. Raised to be perfect at it by Bail Organa.” Ren chuckled. “I used to believe her too, once upon a time. I admired her even. Such a strong woman, who persevered through insurmountable hardships, only to rise above them all.”

 

Her breath staggered in her lungs as he stepped closer again, her body torn between wanting to tear his face open by the pretty little scar she gave him and wanting to shake him roughly, to make him see, to clear his head of Snoke’s venom that corroded more and more of Ren’s goodness and twisted it into something terrible and ugly. Rey raised her chin when he came to a stop right in front of her, refusing to budge. There was an infinitesimal softening of his face, the lights playing across his long features less cutting, his smile less jarring as he regarded her with wide eyes that came close to reflecting the awe and wonder she adored so on him. But then he sighed and before Rey could say anything to seize upon the momentary peace, it was shattered.

 

“I realized far too late that my family was holding me back, feeding me lies, their love nothing but brittle, conditional. They feared me, Rey. The Supreme Leader has persisted and supported me for years, even when I was being an ungrateful brat and dismissed his wise words. He gave me guidance when that fool Skywalker did nothing but temper my powers. Snoke taught me and helped me embrace my true nature, helped me accept what I really was, who I was always meant to be, that I was born to do great things, to make a difference, a _ real _ difference. And bring peace to this wretched galaxy.”

 

“How has that worked out for you?” she gritted out. “Look at the difference you’ve been making. I hope you’re proud of yourself and your precious First Order and the trail of corpses you have left behind.” Maybe she was testing the affection he held for her. 

 

“They’re unfortunate but necessary casualties--”

 

Rey let out a bark of incredulous laughter. “I may not know the finer details of politics, but even a  _ foolish scavenger _ like me can tell that eradicating entire systems won’t leave much of a galaxy behind you can lord over peacefully,” she said, putting all of her contempt and disdain into the force of her glare. 

 

He inhaled sharply. “The destruction of the Hosnian System was neither my idea nor my intention. In fact, I tried to stop it!”

 

“Not hard enough!” she spat. “I don’t care for your excuses, Kylo Ren. I don’t care how you keep telling yourself that your mother--”

 

“She’s not my mother!”

 

“She damn well is! You insist that she is lying, but look at yourself! Telling yourself you’re working for  _ peace _ , so you can feel good about the lives you’ve taken and tell yourself there was purpose to it, that killing your father somehow contributed to some greater good. A greater good you’re trying to achieve with bloodshed!”

 

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he hissed, and it was only then that Rey realized how close they were, her heaving chest nearly brushing against his. “The Supreme Leader is wise and--”

 

“Listen to yourself,” she groaned, rolling her eyes. “Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

 

“Rey, just listen, please--”

 

“No! No, I won’t listen! I was stupid enough to let this go on for as long as it did. I should have known better. This was a mistake.”

 

“A mistake?” his voice wobbled, hurt and pain flaring through the Force. “You knew who I am, you have always known and you made the offer to spend a night together. You could have left anytime you wanted. But you stayed, Rey. Have the past few days meant nothing to you?”

 

“I can’t be with you when you’re with the First Order,” she said, her resolve faltering as she glanced away. She couldn’t bear it, the depth of his feelings for her, his dark eyes beseeching her. If she could pretend that they had just been two idiots losing themselves in the pleasures of life, she could turn away from this, from him. 

 

“Please, think about it. We can be together. We can be happy. I can make you happy.”

 

“How?” She closed her eyes. “You want me to come with you and then what? Snoke will train me like he trained you?”

 

“No!” He was in front of her with just two steps, gripping her shoulders. “No, the Supreme Leader will not be training you! I will train you, I will teach you. Not  _ him _ . Never.”

 

“How can you be so sure?”

 

“I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

 

In that moment, Rey could almost believe him. This was the sweet, earnest man she adored so much. He wanted to protect her and wanted her at his side; he wanted her so passionately in every way. 

 

“Come with me, Ren,” Rey whispered, a broken, helpless sound. She took his hands into her own and looked into his eyes. “Please, just come with me. Leave the First Order behind.”

 

“And then what?” he chuckled, shoulders slumping. “Do you think we can be together if I come with you? You can’t be that naive. I will be executed the first chance they get--”

 

“No! I won’t let them--”

 

“And how will you stop them? The Republic wants me dead.”

 

“You’re Force sensitive, you could help us take down Snoke.”

 

“What?!” He tore his hands away from her, incredulous. “You expect me to turn away from everything I have fought for my entire life? You want me to betray my master after everything he did for me? You’ve been with the Resistance for what? A year? Yet you expect me to throw everything away for you, while you refuse to consider doing the same for me!”

 

“Forget everything I said, I’m sorry. This is pointless.” On trembling legs Rey turned away from him, unable to look into his face any longer. Her heartbreak was her own doing. He was right. She had known what she was getting into. “You’re following a path I can’t follow.”

 

“Rey, wait!” 

 

She kept walking. The beauty of the room was mocking her, everything she had enjoyed and relished in was nothing but a hollow pleasure. She had to leave.

 

“Just let it be, Ren,” she said as the door to the bedroom rushed open. He followed her inside with frantic steps, frenzied desperation oozing out of his large frame. “You won’t leave the First Order and I won’t leave the Resistance. We will go back to where we belong like we agreed to.”

 

“Things have changed and you know it,” he hissed. “Let’s, let’s sit down for a moment, let's think about what we can do.”

 

She took a deep breath through her nose, hating herself for drinking in his words. What was there left to say? 

 

“I won’t betray my friends.” 

 

She couldn’t. She couldn’t turn her back on the people who had shown her kindness. She couldn’t just leave Finn behind. 

 

“This is because of the traitor, isn’t it?” Ren snarled, the jealousy etched onto his face ugly and unhinged. 

 

“Don’t you dare bring Finn into this! And you are also asking me to become a traitor just to be with you. I thought you hated traitors.” Rey walked up to him, hands placed on her hips. The anger fueled her, carried her, and it was easier to latch onto that than crumble under her heartbreak. His eyes flashed.

 

“It’s not the same! Rey, why can’t you see that the First Order will finally bring peace and quiet to this wretched galaxy!”

 

She groaned and buried her face in her palms, forcefully rubbing at her eyes. 

 

“You won’t leave the First Order and I won’t leave the Resistance,” she said, heaviness settling into her limbs. 

 

“I don’t understand how you can be so loyal to a group of people you don’t even know.” He threw his hands up in the air before clutching his head, frustrated. “Why are you fighting for them, Rey?”

 

“It’s the right thing to do.” She gulped, tired and resigned. She wanted to leave, but the thought of parting from him distressed her as much as leaving her friends behind. Even if her loyalty was not particularly tied to the Resistance, she wouldn’t betray the General or Finn or Poe like that. Or sweet, brave Jessika who had lost so much because of the First Order. How could Rey ever live with herself knowing all of this?

 

“The right thing? How would you know what the right thing is when all you have known has been that backwater junkyard Jakku?!” He raked his hand through his hair and started to pace around the room. “You’re so arrogant!”

 

“I am arrogant?! How dare you?!” 

 

“You don’t know anything--”

 

“I thought I was  _ a well of knowledge _ . Didn’t you say so? What changed? Just because I don’t agree with you? How dare you say I don’t know anything?! Just because you were an ungrateful brat who went and killed his own fath--”

 

“Don’t mention him!” 

 

“You killed your father. He wanted you to come back and you killed him!” The fury pulsed in her veins and she relished in how he flinched. He could never hide the regret from her, nor could he hide how much he loathed still feeling it so deeply. 

 

“You didn’t even know Han Solo. You think he cared about you after knowing you for just one day?” He let out a sharp bark of laughter. “Han Solo cared for no one but himself. Selfish bastard that he was.”

 

Kylo Ren was beyond saving. 

 

Rey choked back a sob, eyes filling with fresh tears. 

 

This was the man the Force had bound her to, the man who had her heart and there was nothing Rey could do to take it all back. She had surrendered to her desires and her feelings. Was this why the Jedi of old had forsaken attachments?

 

The current of the Force shifted, the rage that had been belting against the Bond softened. Rey could almost pretend that they had a normal lovers’ spat. They would make up now and he would kiss her tears away. That was what the lovers in the novels did.

 

“Rey, please don’t cry.” His hands were on her cheeks. He bent down to press kisses all over her face. Rey closed her eyes with a strangled cry, feeling her heart shatter all over again. “We will figure this out. I promise, sweetheart.”

 

Oh, how she wanted to believe him, but she had carelessly believed her own lies for too long. He was Kylo Ren. He was her enemy. And he would remain her enemy. She sucked in a sharp breath and opened her eyes. He caressed her wet skin, concern gleaming in his eyes. Rey raised her hands and brushed his hair out of his face. His lips quirked into a little smile that made her heart constrict. She ran her fingers across his jawline, the shape of his nose and his beauty marks. 

 

“We will figure this out,” he murmured softly, eyes heavy-lidded. He nuzzled against her palm. 

 

Rey breathed in deeply.

 

Her hands stilled. The Force buzzed around her wrists, calm and ready.

 

She breathed out, a miserable little puff of air. 

 

“I am so sorry.” 

 

Betrayal flashed in his eyes before they slid shut and he fell forward. She was there to catch him, staggering a little before she regained her balance and deposited him on the bed. 

 

She could almost pretend that he had just fallen asleep. The way his hair fell across his lax face, the slow rise and fall of his back. Almost. 

 

Rey bent forward, hand clutching her stomach as she let out a wail. When she rubbed away her tears, new ones replaced them, an incessant stream of misery that made her knees shake. 

 

She sank onto her knees and cried. For how long, she didn’t know. But when she had no more tears to shed, her eyes were red and puffy, her throat dry, each breath she took a painful stab in her lungs. 

 

She kept her eyes fixed on the task at hand. She gathered her clothes and stuffed them into her bag. She shook off the robe she had been wearing and slipped into her comfortable pants and ratty tunic, put on her socks and boots. She gathered her hair in a low ponytail and splashed her face with cold water in the bathroom. 

 

Rey managed not to dissolve into another fit of shrill crying, but her lips wobbled when she stared at his prone form on the bed. Despite her better judgment, not that she had ever been able to listen to it whenever she was around Kylo Ren, she approached the bed. She touched the side of his face and his hair before lowering her face to press her lips against his cheek.

 

One last kiss. 

 

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, Rey left without glancing back. 

 

* * *

 

The Resistance had begun its relocation from the compromised D’Qar to Lothal during Rey’s absence. She had been instructed to fly to Lothal right away. 

 

If Rey had not felt like tearing her hair out and disassembling everything in her way, she would have enjoyed the new scenery. As it was, Rey was quite willing to never come out of her room and spend the time curled up in solitude, alternating between crying her eyes out and berating herself. 

 

If Finn noticed something was off, he didn’t show it, but he was likely too busy to pay attention to her misery. It stung a little, but at the same time Rey couldn’t tell him what had her so dejected and melancholy. No one could ever know. 

 

Rey quickly lost herself into a routine. It began with waking up early, taking a quick shower -- no long soaking baths -- eating a spartan breakfast --no grandiose extra-planetary meals and dishes, before she threw herself into her work. If there was something that needed fixing Rey was there. If something had to be cleaned, Rey was ready. If a new X-wing needed a practise run, Rey was the first to volunteer. And if there was nothing to do, Rey was training and sparring and exercising until her muscles ached and her legs felt like goo. She would take another shower in the evening, rub the sweat and grime off her skin before collapsing onto the thin mattress of her bunk.

 

Waiting in vain for sleep to claim her.

 

Curled up on her bed, covered in the scratchy blanket, Rey tried to keep her breathing calm. She counted the cracks in the ceiling and started all over again when she had nothing to count. 

 

The Bond was sleeping. Stagnant. Cold. If she wasn’t so attuned to his Force signature, Rey would have thought him dead, but he was still alive. Alive and keeping himself closed off. She shut her eyes, exhaling through her nose, a lump in her throat.

 

She had no reason to be upset about this rejection. She had rejected him first, had left him there unconscious and half-dressed. 

 

She gulped.

 

Did he return to Snoke as he wanted? Was he alright? Could he keep their encounter a secret from Snoke? When was she going to see Kylo Ren again? Was she going to be able to fight him if they reunited on the battlefield? Her heart squeezed painfully.

 

Even if he was her enemy, Rey knew without a doubt that she could never strike Ren down to kill him. He had become precious to her, despite everything she knew about him. It was all on her. She had to live with the very likely prospect that she was going to lose him one way or another. Whether to the deeply embedded claws of darkness within his soul, or the aftermath of a victorious war. He was right. The galaxy wanted justice for all the deaths on his account. 

 

Rey pressed her hand against her mouth as tears ran down her face, trying to stifle her sobs. 

* * *

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Rey blinked, her head jerking up and nearly hitting the durasteel of the old YG light freighter. Her hands were stained in grease and her face probably didn’t look any better, but Rose wore the same frown as always on her face.

 

“What?” Rey asked, pushing her goggles up her head. Rose huffed and put her hands onto her hips, quirking her brow.

 

“It looked like you were going to use the engine as a pillow for a moment,” Rose said, unimpressed. 

 

Rey didn’t know Rose very well and had come to be acquainted with her primarily via Finn. They were both important to him and they both shared a passion for machines and technology, but their friendship was new, their conversation never about anything particularly deep. 

 

“I haven’t been sleeping very well,” Rey murmured, sighing heavily.

 

“You look like you haven’t slept at all since you came back.” Rose’s frown softened somewhat and Rey couldn’t help but smile a little. “Maybe you should take a break.”

 

“I just came back from my vacation.”

 

Rose shrugged. “You’ve been working really hard since then. Not to mention you came back early. Did… did something happen?”

 

“Nothing happened. I’m fine!” Rey returned her gaze to her hands, trying to blink away the tears that appeared embarrassingly quickly. She heard Rose huff again, and Rey’s heart twisted with guilt.

 

“If you say so, Rey.”

 

* * *

 

It was killing her. Everything and everyone was moving forward, passing Rey by, while she was rooted on the spot in her despair. The others had begun to notice and she had been approached by Poe, Jessika and even Snap, asking if she was alright, if she needed help.

 

The lack of sleep was taking its toll on her, but nothing pained her more than not knowing how Ren was doing. 

 

She had made the right decision in not going with him, but why did it feel so wrong during every waking hour? At least, she managed not to start crying whenever she was reminded of him. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. She was a mess and she didn’t know what to do. If she told anyone, she would be branded a traitor, rightfully so. Maybe they would try to use her to capture Ren. Maybe they would just discard her, because she had so irresponsibly compromised the Resistance. 

 

Two weeks had passed after her escape from Coruscant before she felt a tug on the other side of the Bond. She had been lying motionlessly in bed, trying to sleep. She jerked up, heart beating in a frenzy at the familiar sensation of Ren’s sharp, powerful Force signature. 

 

“Kylo--”

 

It flared up for a moment, strong and vibrant, before it screeched through her senses. 

 

A cutting pain erupted on her back before it coiled through her limbs and engulfed every fibre of her body. There was a shrill blaring in her ears and it was only when the door to her room was broken and frantic steps followed that she realized she was screaming.

 

* * *

 

The whole thing was over quickly, she was told. Finn was at her side the whole time, clutching her hand, worry etched onto every line of his face. 

 

“I should have been there for you,” he said. Rey squeezed his hand, shaking her head. “I saw that something was off with you, but I was so busy with everything else, I just neglected my best friend.”

 

He rubbed his face, his body coiled tightly.

 

“Finn, it’s okay. I’m going to be fine. This isn’t your fault and I can take care of myself.” The words tasted bitter on her tongue because she had not been taking care of herself exactly, but that wasn’t on Finn. 

 

“Doctor Kalonia doesn’t even know what happened. She says by all accounts there is nothing wrong with you, but we found you screaming on the ground, Rey!”

 

She winced. “I’m sorry.”

 

“What are you sorry for?” Finn frowned. Rey felt the words die on the tip of her tongue. She settled for a shrug as she averted her eyes from his. 

 

“You know what? I think we have some catching up to do. As soon as you’re feeling better we’re going to spend some time together. It’s going to be like the old days.”

 

She cracked a smile. “You mean when you were grabbing my hand and we were running for our lives and stole the Falcon? Sounds amazing.”

 

“Exactly!” he laughed, and just for once Rey felt her worries melt away. Finn’s smile could rival the sun. 

 

She didn’t deserve his kindness, not after what she’d done, but she nodded along and accepted his offer. If only to have something to take her mind off the terror of what was happening with Kylo.

 

* * *

 

Doctor Kalonia was not pleased with releasing her only two days after Rey had been rushed to the medbay, but after a number of checkups and a stern talking-to that made Rey feel years younger, she had been let go. 

 

She was looking forward to talking to Finn and there was a voice inside her begging her to tell him the truth. She was tempted, so very tempted, but Finn would hate her and she didn’t think she could bear that. Maybe she could live with Rose not liking her or Snap or even… Jessika and Poe, but not Finn. 

 

True to his words, after Rey was instructed a week of rest, Finn was at her doorstep with a big grin plastered on his face. 

 

“So about the whole running for our lives bit while I grab your hand... I decided that drinking wine in our rooms is better. What do you say?” He waved a large bottle with sloshing green liquid in front of her face. She smiled faintly.

 

“Alright, I’ll accept, just this once.”

 

“Oh, you’re gonna love it. Emerald wine, a Lothalian specialty.”

 

“You mean it’s the only thing you could get on such short notice?” Rey stepped aside as Finn sauntered into her modest room.

 

“Excuse me?!” He clasped a hand over his heart, wearing an expression of mock affront. “You dare suggest that I just bought the cheapest wine I could get? When I actually got the second cheapest wine?!”

 

Rey dissolved into a helpless fit of giggles.

 

Finn settled on her bed, kicking off his shoes, while she retrieved two cups that had decidedly not been made with emerald wine in mind. The tension in her body was still there when she joined him, but there was a comfort in being around him that only Finn could elicit. He filled their cups to the brim with the second cheapest wine of Lothal and raised his up, letting it clang against hers.

 

The wine was sweet and mild, a taste she enjoyed.

 

She and Finn quickly fell into an easy conversation. Finn told her why Lothal had been chosen as the new base and how it was a planet that had a history of rebellion and resistance. Rey told him of the places she had seen on Coruscant, carefully leaving out Kylo Ren’s presence and involvement in all of them. Her heart twinged and the worry she had been trying to ignore flooded her senses once more. 

 

But Finn was here. Brave, sweet Finn who made her laugh. Finn who came back for her. Finn, who was smiling at her…  _ for her _ , and it wasn’t long before she noticed the fatigue in his eyes. Rey swallowed. 

 

They drank and they laughed until her sides hurt and they went from sitting to lying down on the bed. The bottle was almost completely drained, their cups deposited somewhere on the floor. Silence fell between them, their breaths even and loud. There was a nervous energy in the air and Rey held her breath before Finn wiggled onto his side, facing her.

 

“Rey, I’m really sorry. I noticed there was something wrong with you, but I never asked. I was just--”

 

“Finn!” She took his hand. “It’s okay. I mean it. I appreciate you doing this for me.”

 

“Are you really okay, though. I know you said it was some weird Force stuff that had you screaming in the night, but you can’t tell me that was normal.”

 

“The Force works in mysterious ways.”

 

He rolled his eyes. “Rey, please,” he groaned.

 

“Something happened when I was on Coruscant. And I don’t know how to tell you.”

 

“Hey, if something bad happened then--”   
  


“No, no.” She shook her head, cursing herself. Her eyes prickled with tears. “It wasn’t anything bad. Not really. Sort of. It’s complicated.”

 

Finn fell silent, a deep look of contemplation flashing in his gaze. 

 

“That sounds like you found a boyfriend.” He leaned in, whispering, “A cute boyfriend? Did you break up because you didn’t want a long distance relationship?”

 

She snorted, clasping her hands over her mouth. Oh Force, she was losing her mind.

 

Kylo Ren, her cute darksider boyfriend. The long distance making their relationship difficult. Oh, if only it was just that. 

 

“You’ll get over him, don’t worry. He probably isn’t worth getting worked up over anyway. But in the meantime if you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m here. Except during lunch. Sorry, but I can’t lend you my shoulder then. I have to eat.”

 

Her snort turned into full-on laughter that chased her dark thoughts away. 

 

“What about you, Finn?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

She nudged his shin. “I may have missed a lot, but I can see that there’s something up with you, too.”

 

He heaved a deep sigh and brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. 

 

“Promise me not to tell anyone,” he whispered as he inched closer to her. 

 

“I won’t!”

 

“I know you won’t but… it’s just that. We have word that there are stormtroopers who have defected after me.”

 

Her eyes widened. 

 

“Finn, that’s great news! Where are they now?”

 

“They’ve taken refuge on the Resistance base on Hoth. They’re still kept under custody for safety. And I---”

 

He told her how he had suggested making contact with stormtroopers who were still with the First Order, but were considering defecting as well, but they were too scared to do so. Finn wanted to help the people that were like him, forced to fight and kill for a group that wanted to cause death and destruction. Maybe they could incite a rebellion from within the First Order rather than trying to face them head on with their outdated starfighters. His proposal had been rejected by the command structure of the Resistance, deeming it too risky to place their trust in some stormtroopers. 

 

“I told them I was one of those stormtroopers,” Finn said, clenching his fists. “They told me it wasn’t the same. Stars, Rey, if I have to hear one more time that I’m special and different, I’m going to lose my mind!”

 

Rey reached out and patted his arm. 

 

“I killed them, Rey! I knew some of them, but I killed them. They were like me.”

 

“Finn, you had no choice! You were being attacked!” 

 

“Maybe, maybe I was, but if I can find a way to save those people, don’t you think I should take that chance?”

 

“Finn, what did you do?”

 

He looked sheepish for a moment, all anger melting away. 

 

“I may have ignored my orders and secretly have already made contact with one stormtrooper.”

 

“What if you are found out?” she gasped fearfully. “Are you sure you can--”

 

Rey bit her tongue. She was not going to ask Finn whether the stormtrooper could be trusted, not after she had lost her heart to Kylo Ren. She ran her hand through her hair, taking in her dear friend. Of course, he wanted to save these people. Of course, Finn’s big secret was something that betrayed how good and kind he was. Not like hers. She was selfish and stupid and--

 

“Finn, I need to tell you something,” she said before her mind could catch up with her words. “Please, don’t hate me.”

 

“Why would I hate you?” He raised his eyebrows.

 

She took a deep breath, felt her heart hammering in her chest cavity as anxiety gripped her body. 

 

“I… the boyfriend… I mean the man I met on Coruscant--” she sucked in a rasping breath, “--was Kylo Ren.”

 

Finn blinked, surprise, anger, shock and everything in between flickering in his eyes. Rey cringed, ready to bolt out of her room, but she resisted that urge and braced herself for Finn’s judgment. 

 

“What?” He seemed to have finally settled on disbelief. “You’re kidding, right?”

 

“No.” She bit her lip.

 

“Kylo Ren?!”

 

She nodded meekly.

 

Finn sat up with a sudden jerk of his body. He rubbed the back of his head, staring at some faraway point in her room. Then, he bent down and took a hold of the bottle of wine and drained it with one gulp. 

 

“I am not drunk enough for this,” he muttered, putting his face in his hands.


End file.
